Comical situations with your BPD ex?

[Sappho11]

Disclaimer: I'm not making fun of the disorder, but I think most everyone on this board can do with some levity. And laughter is the best medicine – also for broken hearts. Please share your stories.

I'll start with two anecdotes.

Yesterday would have been my ex's and my anniversary. After the first discard in January, he rather psychotically told me: "If we hadn't got back together now, I would have showed up on Sept 7th at the meadow where we got together, waiting for you". In other words, he magically expected me to not only know that he'd want me again after all his abuse and his cold-hearted discard, but also to show up in the middle of the woods, in the middle of the night.
Late last night I realised that it was the date in question, and I looked him up in my WhatsApp archive. He had apparently unblocked me and changed his WhatsApp status to the idiosyncratic, old-fashioned greeting phrase I like to use the day before. So knowing him and his magical thinking, there's a chance that he considered this "sending me a message" and actually went to the forest in the middle of the night to no avail. /facepalm

Another one:

Almost right before the first discard, when I already felt that something was off but I didn't know what, we ordered Chinese takeout that came with fortune cookies. His read: "Your feelings are not constant – don't decide too soon". He got really flustered and agitated and told me I should open mine. It read: "Your destiny is great. Be patient." Needless to say, he wasn't happy.  

[Ad Meliora]

Unfortunately, there wasn't a lot of comedy in the relationship.  Actually, jokes and humor seemed to be lost on her, for the most part or she kept her laughter inside unless she was telling a joke or story.  Then there was to be raucous laughter.

I'm sure there were several comedic moments.  The only one funny thing I'm still thinking of that makes me chuckle is when she moved out west and was on her way to work in the car driving.  This is one of the few times she would dial me off-hand and chat for a few minutes. She was late (typical) and giving me a play-by-play as she was going around a semi-truck and was almost to work when a "Tie-yota" (Toyota) pulled out in front of her and blocked her path.  I laughed a bit and said "Ty-yota?" and she agreed.  Now this is a term that was used often in the Upper Midwest when those cars first hit the market in the 70's, used somewhat disparagingly,  and I hadn't heard it for 20 years or more.  I pointed out that she said it that way, and in typical BPD fashion she said "No I didn't".

Anyway, if my friends pick me up in their Prius' or Corollas I ask them, "How's the mileage in this here Tie-yota?"

[grumpydonut]

"I read pears are really good for you, so I'm going to go on an all-pear diet"

"If I had have gone back to the UK when you asked me to leave because I cheated on you, you would have just allowed that to be the end?"

"I feel God is working in my life" while she was secretly seeing a Christian guy behind my back.

And, post relationship, the person she cheated on me with ended up cheating on her. She, therefore, thought the best punishment for him was to visit the girl's house and vandalise all her stuff while in a psychotic rage.

[Sappho11]

Unfortunately, there wasn't a lot of comedy in the relationship.  Actually, jokes and humor seemed to be lost on her, for the most part or she kept her laughter inside unless she was telling a joke or story.  Then there was to be raucous laughter.

Similar here. It startled me how easy it is to jest with most people, yet with my ex humour was hard to come by. In all the time I was together with him, I think he only made me laugh once, and the joke wasn't even all that great.

It was difficult to laugh with him, because there'd be no telling if he'd interpret it as laughing at him.

"I read pears are really good for you, so I'm going to go on an all-pear diet"

"If I had have gone back to the UK when you asked me to leave because I cheated on you, you would have just allowed that to be the end?"

"I feel God is working in my life" while she was secretly seeing a Christian guy behind my back.

And, post relationship, the person she cheated on me with ended up cheating on her. She, therefore, thought the best punishment for him was to visit the girl's house and vandalise all her stuff while in a psychotic rage.

Holy mackerel grumpy, that is another level. And "I feel God is working in my life"? What the hell! I've noticed there seems to be a common trend among BPDs to take on a new love interest's religious views. I'm not religious by any meaning of the work, but I hate how they claim to possess a spirituality which they don't truly connect with (and probably never will).

[Sappho11]

So for the most anti-climactic h00ver ever:

I obviously didn't show up to the meadow in the middle of the forest, where we got together, on what would have been our anniversary, despite my ex probably trying to "send me a message" in his weird psychotic way the day before.

Since the very day after my non-appearance, his closest friend has been stalking my Instagram stories again. And my ex uploaded the first profile picture to his WhatsApp in over a year (he's the type to not use any, and the only picture he ever used was one I took of him even before we got together). The new picture shows him on a sailboat, fiddling with the rigging (and looking rather incompetent as always).

My ex doesn't sail.

During our relationship, I had always talked about how much I regretted not learning it when I had the chance, and how this was something I really needed to learn at some point. Obviously, he never cared about that nor about sailing while we were together.

What a knobhead. I only feel vicarious embarrassment when I think of him now.

[grumpydonut]

Hahaha, that one is hilarious, Sappho.

Another one I just remembered:

Wednesday: "We need to start eating healthy and stop eating out"

Saturday: "Why aren't we going out for dinner...let's go to the shops and get some chocolate"

This one happened nearly once a month.

[Sappho11]

Hahaha, that one is hilarious, Sappho.

Thank you. It reminded me of another one. One time I phoned him, and he was really sulky on the phone. After a good half hour trying to coax it out of him, he finally told me what was up: "I've been sitting at the piano staring at the phone for two hours now, hoping for you to call me. I really wanted to talk to you – why didn't you call me earlier?" (magically expecting me to read his mind)
– "But... I just did phone you?"
"Yes, but do you know how long I've been waiting! I hate that everything always has to be up to you and run according to your schedule! (classic projection)"
– "Uhm, well... then why didn't you call me? I thought we had agreed that you were going to call me two hours ago, but you didn't, so I figured you were busy."
"Oh haha, oh well..." And suddenly everything was "forgotten".

Another one I just remembered:

Wednesday: "We need to start eating healthy and stop eating out"

Saturday: "Why aren't we going out for dinner...let's go to the shops and get some chocolate"

This one happened nearly once a month.

This, this exactly! All the time. "I really need to start watching my weight and also start saving money." Two hours later: "Let's order from that Indian place we ordered at the day before yesterday!"

They really are toddlers in adult bodies.

[Sappho11]

The more distance I gain to the whole matter, the more I see the bizarre humour in some of the things he said.

• "I'm afraid it can never work out between us. You put your toothbrush mug into the cupboard while I prefer to leave it out." (said in complete earnest)
• He's scheduled to pick me up at 11AM. At 10.54AM he sends me a text: "[His mother's Christian name] has just served up a breakfast which I'd rather not turn down. It's possible that I'll be late." (He lives half an hour away from me.)
• He goes out to do some shopping for himself and runs out of time, because his time management is atrocious. I tell him not to worry about it, that I'm comfortable at home, reading. When he finally barges in, he is furious. "You don't appreciate anything I do for you!" "What?" "I am so stressed and now, I even took a cab to be back quicker! Don't you understand? I took the cab for you!"
• He's staying over and has forgotten his toothbrush. I say no problem, you can use the mouthwash in the cupboard. He takes a sip and almost immediately spits it out. "What is that? It burns!" He has tears in his eyes and is very upset. – It's the mildest mouthwash on the market.
• Weeks of lamenting: "I really, really hate my back hair." My one-time reply after several weeks: "Okay. If you hate it, I suppose you could get it lasered?" "Well, I'm only 90% sure that I want to get rid of it."
• We talk on the phone. He's very upset and angry. What's wrong? "My father barged in and told me to take out the rubbish." "What, he barged into your apartment?" (He lives in an apartment in his parents' house.) "Yes." "And he asked you to take out his rubbish?" "No, mine."
• Can't leave out the classic, which I've already mentioned elsewhere. It's early January, shortly before the first discard. It's already late at night and I'm lacing up my shoes to go for a jog. My ex: "I want to come along." – "Really? You brought running clothes and shoes?" "No, I'll just run in my regular street clothes and boots." "Please don't. You'll look like a mugger chasing after a young woman jogging." This didn't deter him. (Hands-down the worst run of my life.)

[Ad Meliora]

Is this the comedy thread or tragedy?  I'm confused now, those last ones seem pretty tragic to me Sappho... 

[poppy2]

The more distance I gain to the whole matter, the more I see the bizarre humour in some of the things he said.

• "I'm afraid it can never work out between us. You put your toothbrush mug into the cupboard while I prefer to leave it out." (said in complete earnest)
• He's scheduled to pick me up at 11AM. At 10.54AM he sends me a text: "[His mother's Christian name] has just served up a breakfast which I'd rather not turn down. It's possible that I'll be late." (He lives half an hour away from me.)
• He goes out to do some shopping for himself and runs out of time, because his time management is atrocious. I tell him not to worry about it, that I'm comfortable at home, reading. When he finally barges in, he is furious. "You don't appreciate anything I do for you!" "What?" "I am so stressed and now, I even took a cab to be back quicker! Don't you understand? I took the cab for you!"
• He's staying over and has forgotten his toothbrush. I say no problem, you can use the mouthwash in the cupboard. He takes a sip and almost immediately spits it out. "What is that? It burns!" He has tears in his eyes and is very upset. – It's the mildest mouthwash on the market.
• Weeks of lamenting: "I really, really hate my back hair." My one-time reply after several weeks: "Okay. If you hate it, I suppose you could get it lasered?" "Well, I'm only 90% sure that I want to get rid of it."
• We talk on the phone. He's very upset and angry. What's wrong? "My father barged in and told me to take out the rubbish." "What, he barged into your apartment?" (He lives in an apartment in his parents' house.) "Yes." "And he asked you to take out his rubbish?" "No, mine."
• Can't leave out the classic, which I've already mentioned elsewhere. It's early January, shortly before the first discard. It's already late at night and I'm lacing up my shoes to go for a jog. My ex: "I want to come along." – "Really? You brought running clothes and shoes?" "No, I'll just run in my regular street clothes and boots." "Please don't. You'll look like a mugger chasing after a young woman jogging." This didn't deter him. (Hands-down the worst run of my life.)

these are completely hilarious. Thanks for sharing! I have wracked my brain to think of something funny... I only got strange admissions of 'higher forces'. Like, she would admit things, as if she had no power over them herself. For example, "I feel like all I can do is hurt you" (me thinking: don't you have a choice in the matter?). Strange things like that. I wish I had some more funny examples like you!

Oh, there was one time I called up for pizza, and she told me she'd never done that before (and I was soo good at it, that is, ordering pizza on the phone.) Then when the delivery man came she hid in the bathroom. I sort of dismissed it as a fear of strangers... Tragi-comic, perhaps.

[Happiness40]

In a conversation about why he didn’t want to get married.
He’s not sure if he wants a serious relationship,
We had already been together 8 years, living together and had 2 children. I was mind blown with that one.

The last few days……He’s happy we are getting a divorce and then in the same email he proceeded to tell me he can’t cope with he’s life now because I was to good for him and I deserved better.

I messaged an ex girlfriend to see if he’s story was real about the break up with her. It wasn’t ,no surprise there!  but when he found out he said if she had told me something about him to ruin our relationship he would ruin her life like she ruined he’s. I told him she hardly ruined your life you went on to have 3 children and marry me and also you are right here ruining our relationship by gambling away all our money and projecting your crazy on me. Him still there’s something up with her, Me Yh I don’t think there’s anything up with her it’s seems the common denominator in all of these life problems with various people is you

[Sappho11]

Is this the comedy thread or tragedy?  I'm confused now, those last ones seem pretty tragic to me Sappho...  

Oh yes, the existential despair of back hair and taking out the trash!  

these are completely hilarious. Thanks for sharing! I have wracked my brain to think of something funny... I only got strange admissions of 'higher forces'. Like, she would admit things, as if she had no power over them herself. For example, "I feel like all I can do is hurt you" (me thinking: don't you have a choice in the matter?). Strange things like that. I wish I had some more funny examples like you!

I promise you, many of them will become funny over time.   The not-admitting-guilt ones seldom will though. "All I can do is hurt you" is indeed hurtful. What a lack of responsibility...

Oh, there was one time I called up for pizza, and she told me she'd never done that before (and I was soo good at it, that is, ordering pizza on the phone.) Then when the delivery man came she hid in the bathroom. I sort of dismissed it as a fear of strangers... Tragi-comic, perhaps.

That is staggering. I wonder if social anxiety is comorbid with BPD? It would make sense. It also makes me wonder whether introverted non's are more likely to enter these relationships? I imagine many of us felt a sense of kinship at the superficial similarities. For instance, my ex and I bonded over the fact that on some days, we'd rather avoid people – e. g. thus waiting to leave the house when you hear there's someone else in the hall. This basis is partially what makes it difficult to see some more pathological manifestations: such as a pwBPD's inability to make conversation with a stranger, or to do mundane things such as opening the door to receive pizza. My ex did that, too, by the way – always made me order things and also open the door to pick them up. He wasn't able to ask strangers for directions either, or to stick his head into a restaurant at night and ask whether they were still serving food – he always "delegated" that to me. Not a dealbreaker per se, but definitely something to be wary of in the future.

In a conversation about why he didn’t want to get married.
He’s not sure if he wants a serious relationship,
We had already been together 8 years, living together and had 2 children. I was mind blown with that one.

That is on another level. I am so sorry to hear you had to go through this.

[Ad Meliora]

I did think of another semi-comical moment that I'll share right after I speak to this point you brought up.

I wonder if social anxiety is comorbid with BPD? It would make sense. It also makes me wonder whether introverted non's are more likely to enter these relationships? I imagine many of us felt a sense of kinship at the superficial similarities.

I don't know if there was a thread recently with people identifying their personality types with Myers-Briggs for example.  Back in college I was an INFP, but just barely on the "introverted" side of that scale.  I've retaken it in recent years and come out ENFP.  I'm the most extroverted of my introverted friends, but can identify with their social anxiety and their sort of misanthropic ways you might say.  My ex didn't have the problems you speak of but did like to order food via her phone apps so there was no talking to people.  She would say the most irreverent and inappropriate things to strangers sometimes though.  Most of which were more baffling than funny.

Ok, one story.  My ex's bedroom windows faced her backyard and it seemed from time to time she liked watching me work there (gardening, grilling, etc...).  On more than one occasion she would yell out to me while I was busy doing whatever and flash that Cheshire Cat white grin at me (as that's about all I could see in the darkened room).  She would proceed to lift up her top, in Mardi Gras style, and since the windows were a bit higher than chest-high she would have to jump to complete the "show".  Because she was fairly uncoordinated most often she would end up tumbling down and I could hear her bumping the dresser or bed frame on her way to the floor.  She would then yell, "I'm alright, just fine here".  The flash was silly, but the falling down was actually pretty funny.

I honestly have no idea what that was all about.  I think she was just spontaneously happy I was doing something to help her and this was a way of expressing gratitude?

[Sappho11]

I did think of another semi-comical moment that I'll share right after I speak to this point you brought up.

I don't know if there was a thread recently with people identifying their personality types with Myers-Briggs for example.  Back in college I was an INFP, but just barely on the "introverted" side of that scale.  I've retaken it in recent years and come out ENFP.  I'm the most extroverted of my introverted friends, but can identify with their social anxiety and their sort of misanthropic ways you might say. 

Now I really want to see an MBTI thread with a poll around here. I wonder if there is one?

My ex didn't have the problems you speak of but did like to order food via her phone apps so there was no talking to people.  She would say the most irreverent and inappropriate things to strangers sometimes though.  Most of which were more baffling than funny.

Now that you say it, there was a handful of situations where my ex was extremely rude to strangers with no prior warning (such as shouting "shut up!" at a pensioner on a bike who rang his bell at us and said 'thank you' when we let him pass; or barging right between a couple watching the sunset on an observation tower, to name but a few). PwBPD's impulsivity never ceases to amaze.

Ok, one story.  My ex's bedroom windows faced her backyard and it seemed from time to time she liked watching me work there (gardening, grilling, etc...).  On more than one occasion she would yell out to me while I was busy doing whatever and flash that Cheshire Cat white grin at me (as that's about all I could see in the darkened room).  She would proceed to lift up her top, in Mardi Gras style, and since the windows were a bit higher than chest-high she would have to jump to complete the "show".  Because she was fairly uncoordinated most often she would end up tumbling down and I could hear her bumping the dresser or bed frame on her way to the floor.  She would then yell, "I'm alright, just fine here".  The flash was silly, but the falling down was actually pretty funny.

I honestly have no idea what that was all about.  I think she was just spontaneously happy I was doing something to help her and this was a way of expressing gratitude?

  That is absolutely hilarious! Seriously, that could be a scene in a sitcom.

[Ad Meliora]

You know it was hilarious Sappho, 

I'm glad you started this thread, even if it was a chore to find the comical moments.  I want to be able to laugh and the whole situation, laugh at myself.  Once I get there, I think I'll be pretty much healed and over this whole BPD r/s. I can laugh (now) at past failed relationships and most foibles, and I generally enjoy laughing now at whatever I can.  So much of that past relationship was anxiety ridden, frustrating, depressing, anger-inducing, etc...  It's fun to think one of her most honest expressions to me was falling on her keister while flashing me in her darkened bedroom where I couldn't even see what was going on.  It is sitcom-worthy! 

[Sappho11]

It just occurred to me, not really a funny scene with my ex, but related to him.

After he discarded his oppressed girlfriend of eight years, she almost immediately began taking her life back – and within two weeks, sought no-strings-attached comfort in the arms of a mutual acquaintance whom my ex hated.  

I didn't like his rage about it then (he spoke about her like a material object stolen from his possession), but the fact that she did this sure is funny now. Apparently my ex hated that guy because he claimed to be an empath, and my ex in true covert narcissist fashion couldn't stand anyone else claiming that label which he so desperately wanted for himself.

From what I've heard, that woman is also unwilling to take him back (I have no doubt he tried charming her before recently trying to charm me), so I suppose there's some good in the world somewhere.

[OtherVoices]

Not sure if it’s considered funny or sad on both our parts. Before we broke up this last time, I downloaded telegram and low and behold myex shows up on there, kept it hidden of course. I wait till she’s off work to question her about it, she ends up giving me the excuse that “The Weekend”  had private messaged her on Instagram, turns out it she told her 20 something coworker and the coworker had to tell her she was probably being catfished by someone running a fan account. She tried blaming me saying I was behind messaging her to set her up, should’ve dumped her then, lord knows how many nudes she sent out.

[Ad Meliora]

Another com situ.  It was November and after a pretty rough patch with my ex I floated the idea of taking “a break”. I was going to be working 12+ hours a day, 6 days a week for the next six weeks so we weren’t going to be seeing much of each other anyway.  She seemed taken aback and said,

“A break!  A break? Nothing ever good comes from taking a break.  I just like it when you’re not around….”

You know, that’s what I usually say to a woman that I’m madly in love with. “Oh yeah, I really like it when you’re not around, so get lost!”

It was a moment of truth slipped in between a mountain of BS.  I’d ask her about it later and she told me, “I never said that.”

[grumpydonut]

Hahaha "I never said that" should be synonymous with "I have a cluster B personality"

[Ad Meliora]

Are you sure you don't mean Cluster F?  Yeah, it definitely seemed like a Cluster F*** now that I think about it...

[GuyIncognito]

Speaking of "I never said that", perhaps the most comical (only in a darkly funny, laughing nervously if it were a scene in a movie kind of way) moment in our entire relationship was technically post-break up.

She had, among other things after the moment, decided that she wanted to be in "our room" (despite her continued laying into me about how it always felt more like my room...a thing we'd intentionally chosen to do at the outset so we'd each have spaces of our own) because she just needed to nap. Her means of expressing this was to simply wait for me to leave the room, then go in and close the door and lock it. When I finally got it unlocked, not knowing what she was up to, she was literally just laying on the bed "trying to sleep". I don't recall what the conversation was that lead to this moment, something about the fact that she would need to move out...but she ends up saying out loud "I could always just kill you in your sleep and take the dog", and then basically just goes to sleep.

I didn't respond in the moment because things had already been so tense that my mind just kind of blanked like "wait...did she really just say that?", followed by an hour or so of me sitting and thinking about whether it was more absurd for me to act like it was a real threat, or act like it was just some nonsense like half the things she says.

Later, her nap ends, and she finally decides that getting the out of my room and going to her own would be smart. She starts up the standard attack sequence once she's out of the room, and I end up saying something about how not okay her vague threat was, which immediately turns into the most intense version of "I NEVER SAID THAT" I've encountered from her or anyone. She ended up launching herself out of her room into the hallway where she jumped up and down screaming at the top of her lungs, and then she jumped on me and I honestly couldn't tell in the moment if she was trying to harm me or hit me or what, but it all ended up just being completely absurd and ending in her crying in a heap on top of me while my mind is just like wondering what the hell is coming next.

If I'd seen that on a TV show, I'd have thought it was too silly a premise for a scene.

[grumpydonut]

Me "you said that you kissed him FIRST".

Her "I never said that. I don't remember saying that. That didn't happen"

Righto, princess.