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RiffsMomma
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 2


« on: August 25, 2021, 06:53:35 AM »

Hello all. I just discovered this resource on my own, and I am happy that I did. I just started “Walking on Eggshells” and I find such relief in having a name to give my husbands erratic behavior/moods and his devolution since having our son 6 years ago. I don’t have much to ask or say specifically, I just wanted to make my first post and thank you all for being here. I look forward to learning more about BPD and how I can cope and manage my own mental health in my marriage.
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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

pursuingJoy
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« Reply #1 on: August 25, 2021, 09:15:26 AM »

welcome! we're glad you found us.

It is draining, isn't it? It's so important to learn good boundaries. When you get a chance let us know how you're doing and what you're learning in Stop Walking on Eggshells.
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   Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? ~CS Lewis
NonnyMouse
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
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« Reply #2 on: August 25, 2021, 09:29:36 PM »

There are so many great books! Thank goodness for Kindle or I'd be in big trouble!

In my experience having children does make things much worse. But there are many people here who can help, this place is a real life changer!
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DidntWantThis

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 13


« Reply #3 on: August 25, 2021, 09:52:39 PM »

Welcome.  Glad you found us.

I landed here a few weeks ago myself after struggling for years with my wife's behavior and finally reaching a tipping point.  Somewhat similar to you, the behaviors really started letting loose shortly after our 2nd and last child about 10 years ago.  We had agreed on 2 kids prior to having them while still dating even.  It's almost like once she got through that, she was able to stop putting on a face all of the time.  It's still on some of the time, but Mr. Hyde is now allowed to make routine appearances. 

This is hard stuff.  I haven't figured it out.  But I'm grateful for the shared experiences and insights of others on this site.  If nothing else, it's a relief to know I'm not alone and I'm not crazy.

Hopefully this is a step toward building some boundaries and self-care for you.
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RiffsMomma
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Relationship status: Married
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« Reply #4 on: September 30, 2021, 07:17:44 AM »

Thank you everyone. I value your vulnerability!

I just had this whole long comment and I’m not sure what happened when I posted it, but only the first sentence made it.

Any suggestions on approaching a difficult conversation about needing more from your partner? Aside from choosing the right time/mood, I also thought to package it as an unmet need that I have, vs an imperfection that he has. I’m overwhelmed doing all the things for all the people - I own a salon as well. I really feel like he’s just someone else I have to take care of instead of being my teammate.

Thanks in advance!
« Last Edit: September 30, 2021, 07:30:07 AM by RiffsMomma » Logged
pursuingJoy
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« Reply #5 on: September 30, 2021, 01:10:38 PM »

Can you let us know a little bit more about what you're needing? Sometimes specifics help. (I've had entire posts just disappear, that's the worst! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post))

Based on your experience, will he be receptive and responsive? Because they're overwhelmed by feelings of their own, most pwBPD find it difficult to offer consistent emotional support to partners. Sometimes it can help to set realistic expectations, for your sake and his. Some nonBPD's have luck moving some of their needs to other reliable self-care sources like exercise, hobbies and friendships.

I love that you're thinking about sharing it as a need of yours rather than a flaw or lack on his part.
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   Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? ~CS Lewis
thankful person
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Formerly known as broken person…


« Reply #6 on: September 30, 2021, 05:03:01 PM »

Hi and welcome, I’ve only been on here recently too, my wife has become very angry recently over her jealousy of my relationship with our older child since the second one arrived. The first year with our first was also very difficult and I got screamed at a lot for doing things “wrong” with the baby. Btw I am early childhood qualified and experienced and Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) this certainly did not help matters. Another massive issue I have is my wife not liking my mum and not wanting her to see the children. I’m glad you’ve found the forum, the people here are so kind and knowledgeable. I also feel very alone in not having a supportive partner, as well as having to keep most of my feelings to myself for fear of upsetting or angering her.
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“Maybe I’ll get it right next time…” from “Estranged” by Guns N’ Roses
Hope4Joy
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« Reply #7 on: September 30, 2021, 09:43:21 PM »

Hello, I can also relate to more intense relationship struggles after having a child, now 4. I know I have been processing my own childhood now that I can see it from the other side so I get that, but clearly taking it out on others isn’t appropriate. I would love to understand more about how having a child impacts BPD and people in general in regards to their own childhood. They say a baby changes everything, but I did not expect that aspect one bit.

Anyway, to maybe help your question I know a big conversation would not go well for me. I find that I have the most success sharing small bites of information when the mood is good. I do have on my reading list the book Crucial Conversations as well so perhaps that would help you.
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