Recycling phase?

[NotAHero]

  Partner is uBPD undiagnosed due to refusing any help. Currently going through an almost certain break up. We have one child in common lived together for 4.5 years. Child is S3.

 She keeps leaving to “friends” house and been doing that for at least 3 months. Each time I want to go forward with the breakup she comes back. At first she would act nice for a couple days then rage again and leave. Now she rages the same day she comes back and leaves.  I have another thread in the break up forms with more information. Reason I’m posting here is to see if anyone had a similar experience. What to expect next ? What’s the best move for me? I’m trying my best to get her to sign a parenting plan and move on but  it’s proven to be a hard task. She would rage in person or in messages then act like nothing happened and wants to hang out or make plans. As the time passed though she has moved a lot of her stuff to the “friends” house along with other items to family members homes.

  I read about this on forms but there is no specific information in books. Has anyone here experienced recycling ? I would like to know your story.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

the bottom line is three fold.

1. recycling is very normal. somewhere between half and 60+% of relationships recycle.
2. the more a relationship recycles, the more dysfunctional the relationship is
3. if you are going to reconcile the relationship, and you want it to work, you have to approach it very, very differently.

it sounds like your loved one is struggling with the breakup. this is not uncommon - either for bpd or for anyone else. the issue is probably not one of sincerity, but what would drive either of you to want to reconcile, and whether the potential to follow through is there.

what do you think?

[AlwaysMean]

Recycling? I must learn more about this. Possibly have done it and didn't realize it. Thanks for sharing.

[NotAHero]

Once Removed -

 My main motivation is my child, the rest is perhaps the illusion I have that one day she will seek therapy and get to be her better self again. 

[NotAHero]

Recycling phase is tough. She comes back acts normal and loving then takes off with imaginary reasons. Continuous control meant to inflict emotional damage on the caretaker.

 Only way I found to cope is to stop caring on the inside but do the minimal caring acts to stop her from spinning into a destructive cycle. 

 Just sharing for others benefit at this point. Been successful for a few days. Will see what happens.