Im here to learn about BPD and also seek support to know i am not alone

[Sadmomofbree]

Hi everyone
I am here to learn about what i have experienced with my teenage daughter with BPD and gain support from you all.
I probably like a lot of living parents have sat and blamed myself for not being perfect and probably causing this disorder on my child.
I kick myself knowing in hindsight i did not meet her emotional needs and most probably shut her big emotions down constantly and played them off as her being over dramatic
Now shes gone from home.. hates me and her dad, just told me today as i was trying to connect with her about helping her with her car issues, that we beat her everyday!
That’s absolutely untrue! And i couldn't help but think.. “ does she really believe that to be true? Is that what her brain thinks
I cried so long and it hurt so so badly.
As i learn more we have struggled with her emotions forever
Firstly i can remember when she was a toddler she used to wake up crying and i would never be able to wake her up
And she slept walked alot, but i never thought anything of it
As she got older she told me she would get sleep paralysis very badly and never shared her experiences with me
She could only handle 2-3 questions tops as a teen and she would fly off the handle
We tip toed around her in the home as she was always annoyed
Many times we stopped inviting her to dinner since she slept all evening
From the ages of 15/16/17 She would have these outbursts every june and fight us and move out for the summer
And everything was and is always our fault even if it was blantant in front of her that pointed to her making the bad decision
We gave her everything and anything and she was a good kid!
She’s going to be 19 and i miss her
She also has a relationship with a guy that has much trauma in his life, and the codependency is deep
She works , he does not,  he does nuture her need to be in love. She always needed a relationship or someone
She doesnt have many deep friendships
Her and her boyfriend  smoke weed and she cannot save money and uses all of her paycheck right away

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Welcome Sadmumofbree.

I am so glad that you are here and can browse through our posts/stories. I come here often - just to read what other people have posted helps me so much. It is not surprising that we are experiencing the same awful interactions with our children - because this is what BPD is.

We know what it's like to be blamed for everything, have lies told about us, be at the other end of abuse and blame.

Do you have any support yourself? Do other family members understand what is happening?

Sending hugs  . . . .

[Trying2Survive]

Today is my first day on this site and I am reading as much as I can.  My daughter is 17 and last year was diagnosed with BPD. 

I was reading through your post and my heart just hurt.  I relate so strongly to what you are saying.  Up to the point where she moved out with her boyfriend I could have written you post myself.  I am so scared for what is to come. I dont know who to turn to as my friends dont understand.  I know we are being judged as parents and most dont even really believe in BPD or believe that we just have to teach her how to handle her emotions.  Like its THAT easy.  Or as if we havent tried that.

I struggle with the thoughts that what we did during her childhood made things worse and that we have set her up for a life that will be filled with struggle.  We are doing therapy to try and get ourselves into a better place.

My husband and I downplayed her outbursts and honestly parented her completely wrong.  I have so much guilt.  I cry about it almost every day honestly.  I cant handle the stress and sadness and if I cant get MY _____ together, how am I supposed to be a good role model to her.   

My daughter would also sleep walk.  She also recently told me she would get such bad nightmares and would lie in bed begging and chanting to have a peaceful sleep.  How heartbreaking.

When she discovered weed at 15 and the ability to SLEEP without fear of sleeping she was hooked.  Ive tried to help her make better choices but the benefits of weed for her are so strong that she refuses.

I am so scared we will lose her.  Through estrangement or even worse suicide.  She has told me several times she just cant live like this.

Its all too much to bear some days.

I feel like the happiness in our home is 100% dependent on her mood.  If she is mad - everyone is on eggshells.  If she is happy - we get to be happy too.

I just wanted to message and share.  Let you know I see you and understand your pain deeply. xo