Dating someone with BPD and not sure how to navigate it..

[Bigredtruck84]

I have been dating someone who has been diagnosed with BPD for a few years now. We were aware that something wasn't quite right in the beginning when I became aware of her extreme views on things. I used to sing the Katy Perry song "Hot N Cold" to her because I didn't understand her mindset. She has since been diagnosed but still seems to downplay it saying that she "is on the low end of the spectrum" even though on my end it seems to be quite severe. I have been lied to, made out to be someone that I am not, and constantly endure wild mood swings. I am told often that she is paranoid I am cheating on her despite spending very minimal time away from her. I try to be as supportive as possible but there are other stressors in her life that seem to keep her "on edge". Recently she demanded to see my phone even though I have given her no reason not to trust me and I stated that it was a violation of my privacy. I don't want her to see my phone because of personal conversations, things I've said in my support circle that I feel she would handle poorly, and because I have communicated with some exes. My exes are not interested in me as anything beyond a friend and I feel the same but she has taken a hard stance saying that there should be no communication with exes whatsoever. She has threatened to end the relationship because of this (and many other things). I try to implement proper communication skills I had learned from couples therapy years ago with another romantic partner but BPD seems to erode all of these tools. I am feeling completely lost and do not know what to do to try to resolve any of this. Even if one things is "settled", it comes back up later or something else is brought up. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

You understand that you have the right to privacy and even if you allowed her access to you phone, it wouldn’t end there. It’s a slippery slope and there’d be the next demand to violate your privacy. So it’s good that you said no.

Here’s an article on boundaries that might be validating, in case you wonder if you should bend to some of her demands.  https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries

Take a look at the Tools section at the top of this page. Keep reading others’ accounts and posting more of your story.