New here - estranged from BPD nieces (i raised them so like my daughters)

[ingridb]

Hi I am new here but reading these posts are helping me so much! Thank you for sharing.

I am currently estranged from my two nieces i raised (like my own children, so i posted here). I raised them since they were little as my sister has BPD/addiction and it was total chaos. My older niece was diagnosed with BPD and i strongly suspect the younger niece has it as well.

I have had a decade of suffering with the older child who is in her 20s. She upped her emotional abuse and was just openly abusive in the months following my mothers death so i said we needed time apart, as lovingly as i could. Who knows what she said, but the younger niece then cut me off which was quite a shock. I felt devastated for the last few months but there is a part of me that is starting to feel happy to have my life back, with no one abusing me or lying or manipulating my life. I guess as the parent/carer you feel like you can't walk away, but maybe with adult children with BPD who continue to abuse its actually ok?

anyway these stories help me realise my feelings and experiences are not unique, and i am not alone. And i can't keep blaming myself, as although i am of course far from perfect, i don't believe i deserve this behaviour and i really want to live my life in a happy way, after so many years surrounded by BPD (my sister then her children).

thanks for listening

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Ingridb
I am so pleased that you have come here - particularly at this time in your journey with BPD.

First of all I have to say you have done an amazing job for so many years. You embraced your nieces and gave your life to them for all those years. The world would be a better place if there were more people like you in it!

You will read many posts here where people go on or have been on a journey of wanting to have done more etc etc. Coming here helps us to become okay about the fact that none of us is perfect but we have done our best - we have given all we can - and we need to 'let go' at some point of that journey in order to:

(a) allow our loved ones to take the consequences of their decisions and
(b) to allow ourselves the time and space to cherish our own lives - to regroup and renew after years of giving and often huge stress

I hope you can let that feeling of joy in your own life grow. None of us can know the future, but your nieces can get in touch if they want to. In the meantime - if it were me - I would smell the roses, be kind to myself and enjoy a time without the demands that you so generously have responded to for many years.

Well done Ingridb . . . . now some time to nurture yourself.