Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
June 15, 2024, 03:22:24 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Things I couldn't have known
Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)
Am I the Cause of Borderline Personality Disorder?
Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle
I think it's Borderline Personality Disorder, but how can I know?
90
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: New here - estranged from BPD nieces (i raised them so like my daughters)  (Read 410 times)
ingridb
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 1


« on: December 16, 2021, 11:45:27 PM »

Hi I am new here but reading these posts are helping me so much! Thank you for sharing.

I am currently estranged from my two nieces i raised (like my own children, so i posted here). I raised them since they were little as my sister has BPD/addiction and it was total chaos. My older niece was diagnosed with BPD and i strongly suspect the younger niece has it as well.

I have had a decade of suffering with the older child who is in her 20s. She upped her emotional abuse and was just openly abusive in the months following my mothers death so i said we needed time apart, as lovingly as i could. Who knows what she said, but the younger niece then cut me off which was quite a shock. I felt devastated for the last few months but there is a part of me that is starting to feel happy to have my life back, with no one abusing me or lying or manipulating my life. I guess as the parent/carer you feel like you can't walk away, but maybe with adult children with BPD who continue to abuse its actually ok?

anyway these stories help me realise my feelings and experiences are not unique, and i am not alone. And i can't keep blaming myself, as although i am of course far from perfect, i don't believe i deserve this behaviour and i really want to live my life in a happy way, after so many years surrounded by BPD (my sister then her children).

thanks for listening
Logged
Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Sancho
Ambassador
******
Offline Offline

Posts: 757


« Reply #1 on: December 18, 2021, 05:31:49 AM »

Hi Ingridb
I am so pleased that you have come here - particularly at this time in your journey with BPD.

First of all I have to say you have done an amazing job for so many years. You embraced your nieces and gave your life to them for all those years. The world would be a better place if there were more people like you in it!

You will read many posts here where people go on or have been on a journey of wanting to have done more etc etc. Coming here helps us to become okay about the fact that none of us is perfect but we have done our best - we have given all we can - and we need to 'let go' at some point of that journey in order to:

(a) allow our loved ones to take the consequences of their decisions and
(b) to allow ourselves the time and space to cherish our own lives - to regroup and renew after years of giving and often huge stress

I hope you can let that feeling of joy in your own life grow. None of us can know the future, but your nieces can get in touch if they want to. In the meantime - if it were me - I would smell the roses, be kind to myself and enjoy a time without the demands that you so generously have responded to for many years.

Well done Ingridb . . . . now some time to nurture yourself.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!