Tired, sad, anxious...

[Chosen]

I am too tired to go into details of what happened.  But you know the drill: trigger -> I forgot to shut up -> things got worse -> I apologised by pwBPD already triggered -> everything goes down the drain.

Anyway, the actual event is not important.  I know that if it were other triggers, if I had the same kind of response, the same pattern will ensue.

I'm just really tired that merely 2 days ago, uBPDh was saying he thinks "we have a healthy relationship because we would argue, but we would talk, listen to each other, try to work things out", and then 2 days later he's telling me that I'm selfish, I take down my entire family with me, I'm going to Hell, and a lot more other things.  You know what, I'm not even that upset at what he says to me anymore.  It's got some truth, he's magnifying it, so I try not to take to heart too much of the content... otherwise I will go crazy.

Sometimes I feel like nothing I have is real anymore.   Do I have a solid marriage?  Do I have a good family?  I don't know.  And I'm really, really sad about this.  I don't know what it is that I have.  I don't even know who I am anymore. :-(

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[bugwaterguy]

That sounds difficult.  And familiar.

I am not sure what support I can offer other than empathy.

[WhatToDo47]

I’ve been there. You’re not alone. Learn as much as you can about BPD, the communication tools on this website, take care of yourself, consider getting a therapist who knows about BPD to process the trauma this is causing you.

What do you want? Do you know?

Hang in there! Read as many stories as you can on here it will help.

[Cat Familiar]

Holidays seem to magnify these types of feelings. 

It sounds like you hit a burnout phase. It happens. You can only do so much until you get depleted if you’re not actively doing something to replenish yourself. And nowadays with all the stress of what’s going on in the world, it’s easy to get to that point.

This phase will pass. Sometimes I think we hit those times when we question everything just before we have a bigger breakthrough of self understanding and acceptance.

One foot in front of the other. Just keep on keeping on. Soon something will come to your attention out of the blue—a beautiful sunset, a bird call you hadn’t noticed before, the dazzling pattern of the sun reflected in a pool of water, the sincere smile of a young child…and you will find a renewed sense of peace.