Why my BPD ex did this?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hello,
Sorry if it is a long story. A broke up with my suspected borderline ex 2 month ago and move out to her house. One week later I had regret it and want to go back. She said she think about it, but I find out that she date with a guy who said he just a friend. And start lying about this, and blame me for some old stuff.
She spend Christmas and New Year Eve with this guy, posting some romantic pics. 1,5 weeks after no contact she called me to want to divorce. When I said ok and talked to a lawyer, a few days later she call me crying, that she miss me, and her new relationship is horrible.
On the other day she had sex with me, but said she dont want to start again our relationship. Then said she will think about it, because her 4 years old son likes me very much and I am a good father. And always says thinks like: "If we start again..."
She spend a few days the wuth the other guy, and meet with me again. She said she liked him, he is very attractive and want to be with him, because she not see me as a partner just as a friend and a father, because she likes me as a friend and I am not so attractive. But few days earlier she wanna make sex with me...She said it is not because of the other guy, she think about it and never want to be in a relationship with me again, because is will never work. But few days earlier call me that she miss me..."Yes, as a friend"- she said after.  So she ask me, to stay friends and meet with her kid often. When I said this is not a good idea she became angry and blame me that I play with her and that I am a jerk. After that no contact again and she is with the other guy.
I dont know why she did this. Is there any chance for me to start again or she just playing with me just a cat with a mouse? I am very disappointed, because I love her and dont wanna live without her. I am 34 and we have been together for 3,5 years, and 2 years of marriage.
And other things that I dont understand. When we been together her house were a total mess. Now with the other guy she clean the whole house and it is just like a palace. And said the other guys never argue with her...And I think after that that all of the mess and arguing were my fault and maybe she is not borderline...

[snowman01]

Hello,
Sorry if it is a long story. A broke up with my suspected borderline ex 2 month ago and move out to her house. One week later I had regret it and want to go back. She said she think about it, but I find out that she date with a guy who said he just a friend. And start lying about this, and blame me for some old stuff.
She spend Christmas and New Year Eve with this guy, posting some romantic pics. 1,5 weeks after no contact she called me to want to divorce. When I said ok and talked to a lawyer, a few days later she call me crying, that she miss me, and her new relationship is horrible.
On the other day she had sex with me, but said she dont want to start again our relationship. Then said she will think about it, because her 4 years old son likes me very much and I am a good father. And always says thinks like: "If we start again..."
She spend a few days the wuth the other guy, and meet with me again. She said she liked him, he is very attractive and want to be with him, because she not see me as a partner just as a friend and a father, because she likes me as a friend and I am not so attractive. But few days earlier she wanna make sex with me...She said it is not because of the other guy, she think about it and never want to be in a relationship with me again, because is will never work. But few days earlier call me that she miss me..."Yes, as a friend"- she said after.  So she ask me, to stay friends and meet with her kid often. When I said this is not a good idea she became angry and blame me that I play with her and that I am a jerk. After that no contact again and she is with the other guy.
I dont know why she did this. Is there any chance for me to start again or she just playing with me just a cat with a mouse? I am very disappointed, because I love her and dont wanna live without her. I am 34 and we have been together for 3,5 years, and 2 years of marriage.
And other things that I dont understand. When we been together her house were a total mess. Now with the other guy she clean the whole house and it is just like a palace. And said the other guys never argue with her...And I think after that that all of the mess and arguing were my fault and maybe she is not borderline...

[SinisterComplex]

Hello,
Sorry if it is a long story. A broke up with my suspected borderline ex 2 month ago and move out to her house. One week later I had regret it and want to go back. She said she think about it, but I find out that she date with a guy who said he just a friend. And start lying about this, and blame me for some old stuff.
She spend Christmas and New Year Eve with this guy, posting some romantic pics. 1,5 weeks after no contact she called me to want to divorce. When I said ok and talked to a lawyer, a few days later she call me crying, that she miss me, and her new relationship is horrible.
On the other day she had sex with me, but said she dont want to start again our relationship. Then said she will think about it, because her 4 years old son likes me very much and I am a good father. And always says thinks like: "If we start again..."
She spend a few days the wuth the other guy, and meet with me again. She said she liked him, he is very attractive and want to be with him, because she not see me as a partner just as a friend and a father, because she likes me as a friend and I am not so attractive. But few days earlier she wanna make sex with me...She said it is not because of the other guy, she think about it and never want to be in a relationship with me again, because is will never work. But few days earlier call me that she miss me..."Yes, as a friend"- she said after.  So she ask me, to stay friends and meet with her kid often. When I said this is not a good idea she became angry and blame me that I play with her and that I am a jerk. After that no contact again and she is with the other guy.
I dont know why she did this. Is there any chance for me to start again or she just playing with me just a cat with a mouse? I am very disappointed, because I love her and dont wanna live without her. I am 34 and we have been together for 3,5 years, and 2 years of marriage.
And other things that I dont understand. When we been together her house were a total mess. Now with the other guy she clean the whole house and it is just like a palace. And said the other guys never argue with her...And I think after that that all of the mess and arguing were my fault and maybe she is not borderline...

Snow, welcome  . Happy you found us. Sorry for the circumstances that bring you here though. What I suggest...please keep posting and venting and using this site as a resource to help you heal. The more you put in the more that others will chime in and help you along your journey.

One thing I do want to mention though. Do not focus so much on whether or not she has borderline or any mental health disorder. She may have disorder she may not. There could be many different factors at play. Keep that in mind. All you can do is focus on you and work on you and heal. Additionally, please make sure to be kind to yourself and take care of YOU.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-