Where or what to start with

[?ingEverything]

Hello. I have been reading quite a bit about BPD and so much of it rings true for my adult son. Our relationship had deteriorated over the last few years. He is married with small children. We are relatively close still but his behaviors have pushed us apart. I watch the grandchildren every week and am concerned for their mental health too if he doesn’t get help.  Is there a good place to start? I have been reading multiple books and will work on my approach but I’m wondering..do I suggest to him I see traits of bpd ?…or suggest counseling?….or something else? Or does nothing matter until they see it for themselves? Thanks for any suggestions

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kells76]

Welcome, ?ingEverything -- we're glad you reached out for support. When small children are involved, I get it -- the stakes are high.

It's so, so tempting, once we've put the pieces together, to want our loved one to also accept that they have disordered traits. We wish and hope that if they, too, can see the light, they will then be able to see that they need help.

One of the saddest parts of BPD is that it's a shame-based disorder, so pointing out disordered behavior -- even when trying to help -- can shut down an interaction as the pwBPD (person with BPD) feels attacked and lashes out, blames, or otherwise won't consider the information.

That being said, there is still hope. Short story, we can often make some changes in how we approach our loved one that can stop making things worse and eventually make things a little better.

Here's a link about that topic (should we tell the person they have BPD):

https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-to-get-borderline-into-therapy

What are your thoughts on it? Anything ring true for your situation?

Fill us in whenever works for you;

kells76