Back with a little update

[IntoTheWind]

I'm posting today to share a little update. Some of you might remember me from last year, I was in a very toxic and confusing relationship that had me doubting my sanity. I honestly didn't think I'd ever move on from that or date again.

I actually just broke up with a new lady, we were together around 3-4 months. She was pretty high in a few narcissistic traits and I picked up on that from all of the research I'd done being a part of this board.  

I did try to remain fairly emotionally distant from her after noticing the traits, and I waited for a testing part of the relationship to see how she'd behave. She actually behaved very poorly during a fairly normal couples argument, went very cold, stonewalled, attempted to gaslight a few times. But it wasn't anything on the scale of what I saw before, and when I called her out on it and she cooled down, she was really receptive to what I had to say on that. I have to admit that I was a little vigilant with that kind of behavior and got cold feet when I saw it.

We were both very level headed in the breakup. There were a dozen reasons why it's for the best. She showed remorse without trying to pull me back in and we've treated one another with respect and distance.

I'm a normal level of sad. I don't feel like my world has come crashing down like before.

This certainly isn't a super cheerful update, but it told me a few things:

There ARE other people out there that:

1. You will be attracted to
2. You can see a potential future with
3. Will treat you fairly during your break up
4. Won't regularly confuse, gaslight and abuse you
5. Won't make you feel that you're walking a tightrope
6. Will make genuine mistakes that look similar to abuse you've received in the past (and this is very triggering)

Oh, and I haven't heard anything from the bpd ex!

[Sappho11]

Good to see you again, IntoTheWind. It seems we both fell off the map at the same time and now resurfaced at the same time.

Glad to hear you haven't heard anything from your BPD ex, and that you've found the strength to venture out again. 3-4 months is a decent run in my book -- long enough to say you gave it a decent shot, short enough to not regret the time you spent. You also came away with an entire set of new insights -- your list of observations is spot on, I think -- so it's well justified to consider it a net positive. Well done.