All I have left

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Backstory: Spouse in military, married for 5 years together for 7 years. Aug 21 temporary military separation to only last until June 22. Since we separated, spouse has consistently threatened divorce, but then backtracks with words of kindness and gifts. Every year she cycles with this same behavior from Sept - Jan. The difference is I am not there physically to walk her thoughts and actions back. The 2 MC's that we went to told me that she displays 7 out of 9 traits, high functioning.

My spouse just texted me that she is filing this week, despite telling me that she was going to file in Jan, she just received her orders for her next move so it is real now. She gave me the option of having the waiver sent to me via email, instead of a constable. It's so eerie because she is so composed about this divorce. Nothing like her behavior in the past. I have read numerous stories that pwBPD don't actually go through with the divorce, they are all talk, just wait until they regulate, enforce your boundaries they'll come around, they are scared of abandonment so they're just pushing you away, they only TEST your love they don't want you to leave... But none of that seems to be happening. She is eerily composed and has more resolve than I have ever seen her... To be done with our marriage. She also has only seen me for about 4 days since August, so I'm sure object permeance has fully taken over.

I am so close to figuring out a way to move back to my spouse just so that I can prove to her that I am here. That's the only fight that I have left in me... I have tried the validation, the begging, the pleading, emailing and texting, rationalizing, JADE-ing (which I know made it worse), no contact, low contact, detaching, a surprise visit, sending care packages, video calls (which she told me to stop because it hurt her too much to see me), reminding her that I love her, boundaries in regards to talking about divorce, crying, yelling, making/keeping promises, being consistent, reaching out, virtual dates, I even asked her what would make us work what does she need... The only thing that I have left is to go to her and show her that I am here. That I chose her.

At least if she is going to go through with it she should have to do it to my face and not hide behind a phone or text. I'm sure this isn't a good idea... But it is all that I have left.

[DogMom2019]

Backstory: Spouse in military, married for 5 years together for 7 years. Aug 21 temporary military separation to only last until June 22. Since we separated, spouse has consistently threatened divorce, but then backtracks with words of kindness and gifts. Every year she cycles with this same behavior from Sept - Jan. The difference is I am not there physically to walk her thoughts and actions back. The 2 MC's that we went to told me that she displays 7 out of 9 traits, high functioning.

My spouse just texted me that she is filing this week, despite telling me that she was going to file in Jan, she just received her orders for her next move so it is real now. She gave me the option of having the waiver sent to me via email, instead of a constable. It's so eerie because she is so composed about this divorce. Nothing like her behavior in the past. I have read numerous stories that pwBPD don't actually go through with the divorce, they are all talk, just wait until they regulate, enforce your boundaries they'll come around, they are scared of abandonment so they're just pushing you away, they only TEST your love they don't want you to leave... But none of that seems to be happening. She is eerily composed and has more resolve than I have ever seen her... To be done with our marriage. She also has only seen me for about 4 days since August, so I'm sure object permeance has fully taken over.

I am so close to figuring out a way to move back to my spouse just so that I can prove to her that I am here. That's the only fight that I have left in me... I have tried the validation, the begging, the pleading, emailing and texting, rationalizing, JADE-ing (which I know made it worse), no contact, low contact, detaching, a surprise visit, sending care packages, video calls (which she told me to stop because it hurt her too much to see me), reminding her that I love her, boundaries in regards to talking about divorce, crying, yelling, making/keeping promises, being consistent, reaching out, virtual dates, I even asked her what would make us work what does she need... The only thing that I have left is to go to her and show her that I am here. That I chose her.

At least if she is going to go through with it she should have to do it to my face and not hide behind a phone or text. I'm sure this isn't a good idea... But it is all that I have left.

[healthfreedom4s]

I am new here. I myself trying to figure things out.
I understand that you are trying to work things out with your partner. Please do it from a position of calmness, stability and clarity of mind. I know it is easier said than done. If you approach it in ways that feed her BPD - you are just setting both of you in a long BPD-Codependent journey (and not in a path of recovery). You have anyway tried it already and it has not worked. You may want to stop that approach. Please try to reconcile with the position of stable one in the relationship.