Where to start... I'm so sad. My H was diagnosed BPD several years ago but he says he is BP. He self-medicates with "herbs". He periodically gets furiously angry with me. (I have a theory that the dark stout he drinks makes it even worse) We (my 15 yo daughter and I) walk on those eggshells everyday until we learn what the day's mood is. The frequency of angry events has increased to weekly (?) and I can't do anything right. He is degrading and belittling; gaslighting (it's working...) Last Friday there was an incident for which he blames me for ruining his vehicle (long story) and he has now informed me that he hates me forever. He said he's leaving me, but actually kicked ME out of the house - now he says I left and abandoned him. He said he's blocked my phone number. He keeps texting my daughter and putting her in the middle asking her when she's coming home and showing her pictures of her beloved cats. Or the other day he asked her if I'M ready to come home yet. How can I go home when he says I've ruined his entire life and our marriage has been a huge debacle? (no lie there.. 30 + years or this...) I'm so sad
I want to go home.
Really sorry to hear this and we all know how draining it is. My husband recently told me when he gets angry it’s almost like he blacks out and can’t remember half of what he says or does. I filled in the blanks for him when he was in a calm and rational mood recently and he genuinely looked horrified. Said he didn’t remember it the way I said it happened. He’s also done similar when quoting various arguments in the past.
We recently went out and it got stressful because of him and he basically started ranting at me in public about how I’d ruined the entire trip and it was all my fault. Normally I would snap back and defend myself but I literally just ignored him. Moving away from him wasn’t an option as he was driving his vehicle but I ignored. It was the hardest thing to do but with in about 30 minutes he was in a better mood and it didn’t escalate. I think me not responding made him realise it was all him causing the issues. Unfortunately being closest to them we get blamed for everything that goes wrong. Also using the children is pretty common with BPD. It’s not right but you are not alone.
Unfortunately we have to change how we behave to accommodate them. Explaining or justifying intensifies their anger.
My husband also self medicated with herbs and when he gave up his behaviour got even worse. It’s very complex