Sunflower123
 Offline
Gender: 
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 58
|
 |
« on: March 07, 2022, 07:56:35 AM » |
|
So, unfortunately, it's time for me to post again. It's a long one, but if you don't have time to read it all you can just skip to the last paragraph.
Like clockwork, my partner began to push me away again this past November. He began sleeping in the spare room, as usual, became obsessed with going to the gym, became obsessed with losing his hair, stopped sleeping at night, and started drinking a lot of caffeine, falling asleep at our kitchen table while eating, and having memory disturbances, excessive buying, etc. He did the same thing 2 years ago in November also. This all happened the same way in the past so I knew there was going to be trouble and I tried to brace myself. He announced to me he would be going on a trip with his friends and I wasn't invited. It's the same bad influence friends he likes to spend time with whenever he's about to leave me.
He brought me gifts from the trip and became a little nicer, which was surprising. We had a nice Christmas and then he decided to travel to visit his family in another country during January. I thought this would be good for him because spending time with his family usually seems to give him some clarity. He's told me in the past when he "gets like this" he needs his family. He talked to me every day and sent me tons of videos and photos. He told me I should come to meet him there for the last week of his trip. I said that it was such short notice and it's a very big trip (over 24 hours of plane travel), didn't think I could find anyone to watch our cats, I decided it wasn't going to work. He said he understood.
Then towards the end of his trip, he told me his family was dropping him off at the airport early and he was going somewhere else instead. When I asked him why (He had said he wants to spend every minute possible with his beloved family that he never gets to see) he got extremely angry with me and started raging at me over text and saying I made a big mistake by asking him. The next day he told me he was meeting up with one of his friends (one of the bad influences) and they were going on a mini-vacation before coming home. For the rest of his trip, he would hardly answer the phone to me, wouldn't show me any photos, and got very angry when I'd message him.
He got COVID on his way back and then had to stay with his friend for a while before coming back home. When he got home finally, he was very loving towards me again and brought me several gifts. About a week later (Now February) we were watching a movie and when it was over he just got up and took a shower. He then proceeded to get ready without saying anything to me. I asked him if he was going somewhere and he said yes, he's going out with friends. I confronted him about why I wasn't invited because it's people I know too. He said from now on, he's not going anywhere with me and I better get used to it. He told me he's embarrassed to be seen with me. He started screaming that he broke up with me years ago and I won't leave. He said I should be over him by now and he hates everything about me. A few days later he tried to initiate intimacy with me.
When I tried to talk to him again about how it was hurting me that he was going out all the time without me he began to rage at me again. Anytime I'd ask him to talk he would say he doesn't owe me any explanation. He blocked my phone number completely and told his friends I was harassing him and to block me too on all social media. He would come home from work and lock himself in his office. He would also lock his office during the day and installed a security camera because he thought I was going to break in.
He kept saying he dumped me years ago and he only remembers leaving me the last time. I told him it seems like he isn't remembering things correctly. As "proof" that his memory is correct, he sent me a list he said he made four years ago to himself about all the things I've apparently done to him to make him hate me. The list is very disturbing and ridiculous. Most things aren't true at all or are distorted, not to mention from four years ago. His pupils were very dilated again and he was complaining of being exhausted. He was getting up late for work. I suggested that he see a doctor, which he refused and screamed it's all just because he hates me.
I finally just started leaving him alone because I got tired. I started seeing messages on his phone from a woman whenever he came home (usually 4:40-7:30) am. I didn't go through his phone. It would be out on the table and I saw a woman's picture pop up with several WhatsApp messages every time he came home. I asked him if he was seeing someone else without letting him know I saw his phone. He denied it at first then got very angry and said so what if he were seeing other people he's single and has been for years. He then said from now on he was no longer going to talk to me. He began refusing to eat any food I make and he goes to the grocery store to buy premade meals for himself.
Last week he initiated intimacy with me twice and keeps changing his behavior from hot to cold. I stopped mentioning anything about him seeing anyone else because I didn't want to give it more attention and other than that things have started to become more peaceful. But then this weekend I called his phone when he was out and a female answered. He is now getting messages from her all the time. I heard him talking to his friends about how she is really into him. I don't think that she knows about me. I heard him talking to someone on the phone last night and I think it was her.
I also just found out yesterday that he is applying for new jobs in different cities and countries. So it seems to me he is planning on leaving unexpectedly and I'm getting very worried. He has a very good career and when he's not experiencing dysregulation he's talked about how loves it and loves it here where we live now and wouldn't want to leave. His "friends" seem to be encouraging him to see the other woman and to look for a new job. I've heard them talking to him on speakerphone. They do not like me anymore at this point after hearing him complain about me and all the "terrible things of done to him". Yesterday night his mood changed towards me once again and he got very flirty and handsy. Now today, he's back to being angry.
His reoccurring "episodes" where he hates me and wants me to leave usually resolve within six months. He always comes back saying he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He has had indiscretions with women in the past. The only big difference this time is it seems that he is actually dating someone and she wants a relationship with him. This has never been the case before and I feel I need to set some boundaries before things get worse. He's making many irrational decisions right now and burning bridges in his life. I feel like he is going to be very sad with the aftermath of what he is pursuing right now and this time I'm worried it's going to be unfixable. Normally, I would just let things run their course. I'm not sure what to do this time because I don't want to push him further into this other woman's arms.
|
