why they feel suffocated

[user]

hi everyone
I just want to ask something from your experience guys..
why in a relationship with person who has bpd when you start loves them so much they start ask themself if you are the right person to them? and they are not stable .
.And when you want to break up with them because they make you feel that you are increasing their anxiety, they just start crying and afraid from losing you and they don't want you to go because they love's you.
but after a week or month they start feel that they can't do anything and they can't be in a relationship and the things that was okay they start looking at it in negative way and complain,  feeling  suffocated and then break up with you.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[tina7868]

Hi! I relate to how confusing it can be to try to understand the logic and reasoning behind a person with BPD's actions.

I am not an expert, and so instead of directly answering your questions I recommend that you check out the ressources available on this website (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=347836.0). You start learning that there are actual terms that describe all these different behaviours, like splitting, devaluing, clivage, as well as exploring your part to play in the relationship dynamic. These readings have certainly been helping me a lot!

[alterK]

Hi user. You are talking about the BPD roller coaster, and many of us here have experienced it. We can't diagnose here, but if your partner does indeed have a personality problem, they have a very difficult combination of insecurity and badly regulated emotions.

You may be screamed at and see them in tears one day, and the next day they seem calm and loving, as if nothing had happened. It is very wearing to experience.

On the one hand, they fear you may abandon them (often a realistic fear, as they are difficult people to stay with). On the other hand, they can over-react to small things, acting as if something that at worst should be mildly disturbing, is to them a major threat. They won't sit down with you and offer to talk it over reasonably. They'll react with anger, despair, depression, threats.

Go to the "Tools" section at the top of this website and start to look at things you think may apply to you.