Pregnant and disowned

[Pregnantgirl]

  My undiagnosed bpd ex partner has left me, Hes been in and out of My life since I told him I was pregnant (1 week in 1 or 2 moths out) and my heart can’t take no more I have a strong desire to help him but also really want to protect myself. Im still so wounded by the way everything turned out after he led me to believe children and marriage were what he wanted, he went from being obsessed with me to treating me like I don’t exist at regular intervals I know he’s in great pain and suffers deeply so i easily fall back into wanting to be with him ( when he comes back he claims again that he wants to be a family but his actions never align.)

Im soo sad all the time now I m worried for my babys development I really want professional help but the correct help from someone who fully understands the disorder I’m i a dark place feel really trapped because he is instant on being there for our daughter when she’s born, and I know he will want to  be and Maybee try to form a relationship again but I don’t feel ill be able to after he’s put me through hell throughout my pregnancy he tells me all the time he feels like he’s ruined my life and although I always say he hasn’t (because I know this is temporary) I feel like he has pleasee help

[Mommeredith81]

I'm sorry he's treating you like this. It's hard enough to be pregnant and go through the hormones and waves of emotions even with a reliable partner, which is what you deserve. My ex ran hot and cold during pregnancy, and what I can tell you is that someday you will be glad you did your best for your child, and to not rely on him. Maybe think of yourself as in a partnership with your baby. Yes it may seem lonely, especially when you see "happy" couples, but it's lonelier to have someone around who fights with you all the time or doesn't appreciate you and your child. So many people can't have a child...there are many of us who've raised kids single. It's not ideal but it's actually better when the ex doesn't interfere. It's hard at first but gets easier if you get more of the decision-making, and as your kid grows older. It's quite possible that he may come around more, at least because you can obligated to provide something (at least money) for your child if that's what you want. But knowing who he is, there are no guarantees. It is hard and I think counseling and good friends may help you out - maybe find other single moms in your area who'd understand and be there for support and commisseration. Hang in there and know it gets better. (And don't think the baby is the reason he disowned you...probably just doesn't want responsibility maybe? For anyone's emotions including yours?)

[Kayteelouwho]

hello 

I'm sorry your feeling sad and you are being treated that way.

You need to look after yourself and your baby and make you both the priority. Congratulations also on your news of a baby pregnancy can be hard as it is. I think maybe you could benefit from some counselling for your self to help with feeling sad all the time and even if we want to help another person we can point that person we can about in that direction  but ultimately its is there own choice to seek help and get help them. There is some really good advice and different situations that you may find helpful through others posts here and on the tools page.

I am a single mum for my two my ex with cpstd started disappearing for weeks when I was pregnant with our second child and he left when our son was 8 weeks old and to this day fluttering in on when it suits to see the children. Personally emotionally my son has no idea who he really is as he's only seen him at best 10 times he's now 18 months our daughter struggles because she doesn't understand why her dad is angry alot and doesn't see her anymore but I started a realationship with a friend who was untreated bpd and it was conflict alot of the time and I was trying to help him with the pain he felt but also equally he couldn't cope with the struggles or understand certain things which wasn't appropriate like turning up at 1am screaming at me about something or other and our realationship made me feel very low and then was in paxting on my children. I can say, after the breakdown of my realationship with my exbpd. I am happy and have found some calmness that took a while to get to as I never really knew where I stood and was walking on eggshells.

Is it possible that you can talk to friends and family for emotional support. He may want to be there for your daughter.
If you feel you can't do it anymore and your feeling hurt by his actions.

Then you need to find some strength.
if you want to try to rebuild a realationship and it still might not be what you want from a realationship with him as he can continue to do the same. I can understand why it feels like your trapped It's hard.
He can still be there for your daughter but it also be that your happy too even if you decide I will raise baby on my own  and try co parenting you have your own stability.

Take care