My ex with Bipolar Disorder & symptoms of BPD told me there was a lot of resentment that built in her marriage. And she couldn't do that again.
2 months ago, my ex caught me in a lie (
backstory: one of my unhealthy coping mechanisms I'm working on is turning to sweets when I'm anxious. I had come back from the grocery store where I had just eaten 2 cookies & stopped at a gas station near the house to throw the other 2 cookies in the trash. I turned to sweets in that moment b/c her family was in town for the first time ever, and I was anxious. I threw the other cookies out because I was feeling immense shame & didn't want to her family to see that. Apparently I left evidence of a sticker on my shirt.). As soon as I got home, she asked me, "what's that sticker?" I replied, "Oh, must be from the groceries."
She said that in that moment she
knew I didn't trust her, and that I would never trust her. Even though I talked to her about my coping mechanism regularly, and have shared other incidences when I ate things I wasn't proud of, she was incredibly mad at me for that one moment. She said she could never trust that I wouldn't hide something from her. She felt like our vulnerability levels were unequal in the relationship. And that she had built up so much resentment, she couldn't see a path forward.
She didn't tell me how she was feeling until about 2 months after the incident (even though we checked in with each other regularly about things we were annoyed or upset about). And she told me she didn't know how I
couldn't know how she was feeling as she felt it was obvious. We talked it out for a long time one night. We got on the same page about how she was feeling and about expectations for vulnerability going forward. She expressed relief & said she felt like this was a turning point in our relationship, and she felt really good about it.
**I should note - the next part of this came up in the days immediately following a doctor appointment she had that lead to an unexpected medical diagnosis - unrelated to mental health**
Out of the blue, she told me that because of the resentment, she could feel herself getting annoyed with me & being passive aggressive or mean with me sometimes. She said she didn't like this about herself.
The resentment lead her to no longer being able to see a future with me. She broke up with me because of this.
A day later, she told me that the breakup is not just because of the resentment. When she was in her doctor appointment, she had this sinking feeling of "I don't want my partner in this appointment with me, or in any future appointments." And so she now says she just has a feeling that we're not supposed to be together.
When I relay this story to mutual friends, my independent friends, family, everyone has the same reaction - this seems like an impulsive reaction, and very unlike her. Everyone is confused. I'm struggling to understand & am shattered.
Is resentment a common thing for people living with Bipolar Disorder and/or symptoms of BPD to experience? Is this really the reason we are done? It feels like there HAS to be something else.
