Hard time communicating with my parent and setting boundaries

[prodigy]

 

I am the younger child of my parents and I lost my father 2 years back and my older brother does not live with us. I live with my mother who is not diagnosed but we are quite sure she is having a borderline personality disorder. My mother has never prioritized my mental well being and often been very angry when she her BPD symptoms are triggered. I have a hard time communicating with her on basic things in life and often on the receiving end of her anger. I am considering to move out as it gets very difficult to set boundaries with her and cannot have a safe space in the house.

I need some help here!

[Riv3rW0lf]

Hi prodigy,

I am sorry you are going through this and I can see part of you already knows the answer : distance.

When strong boundaries fail (and close proximity make it very hard to uphold boundaries), distance is the second road to clarity of mind and improved well-being. It was for me, anyway.

A couple months back, I went to live with my mother for a few weeks, as I needed help to finish work and someone to look after my children. I did not know my mother was BPD at the time, and I thought that her 'bad days' were over and done. I had honestly forgotten how bad it gets when we are together for extended period of time.

As her only daughter, I was also the main receiver of her rages, of her anger. I trigger the abandonment she went through with my father and she hates that I look so much like him. All this to say : I cannot live with her, nor be with her for extended periods of time either because on my end, she reactivates my trauma and C-PTSD, making it very hard for me to stay well; I lose myself in all this and start feeling like a young child, scared.

If having a safe space within the house is not possible, is there somewhere else you could go while you look for an apartment of your own? Your brother? A friend? Another family member?