Sudden breakups

[Glassman]

Wow, I’m so glad to have found this site!

I’m in a relationship with a woman who I believe has BPD. She was open about the fact she has some instability from the start, and I knew she took Prozac but she never named her diagnosis.

Now we’ve been together over a year and the cycles are becoming more frequent. Her mood changes so quickly and she pretty much immediately expresses a desire to leave. Leave me, leave the house we live in together, and move back in with her parents. From my perspective, these sudden decisions are irrational and not thought out. We have three children between our former marriages, but none together and again, we live together. To complicate it more, now apparently her parents won’t let her move back in with them. For some reason it feels like that is making her want what she can’t have and is even more decisive to leave me.

Wednesday morning was really great, good moods all around, she helped get the kids ready for the first day of school, gave me lots of hugs and kisses and said many I love you’s. Then I left to take them and she stayed home with her kid who is on online school. Within an hour and a half, she started sending me messages about leaving me. This is probably the 5th time she’s done this now, and usually I can talk her down, but each time it seems I need new things to say as if I repeat anything from a previous incident her mind is ready to reject it immediately. Nothing matters in this state, noting is true, she never had any fun with me/our family, etc.

 I have major abandonment issues personally that I hadn’t actually realized how serious they were until these incidents brought forth some reactions from myself that I didn’t expect. I’m usually pretty level headed, and in my triggered stage become very desperate and panicked. Currently I haven’t eaten in 3 days because of my stress.

I’m really trying to understand what is happening inside her and am not sure if she even knows. These episodes only seem to happen when she’s not been taking her medication(Prozac), and she seems to go on and off it a lot, like every few weeks. She has told me then I’m those states she feels like she is thinking the clearest ever and everyone else is wrong. I love her so incredibly much, but am reaching the point that I’m not sure I can continue.

Thank you for listening.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[SaltyDawg]

Educate yourself on what BPD is.

Find and read this book:

Stop Walking on Eggshells
Book by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger

I was able to check it out from my local library system.  Just be aware, if they do have it there is a waiting list for it, or just buy it.  There are assessment in Section 1.

Ask her why she is taking Prozac.  

There is no official meds for BPD; however, meds are prescribed for many of the symptoms.

Make sure it is pure BPD and not NPD causing the symptoms (the book can help discern this).  If it is pure BPD, you may want to consider calling her bluff.  Reason why, is that my uBPDw uses the divorce card way too much, and the one time I got so fed up and actually alluded to the fact it was on my radar, she blew up and raged with projected violence, became desperate and threatened to make false accusations, but a day later apologized and listed all the reasons why she didn't want a divorce (a first for me in 19-1/2 years of marriage).  YMMV on this tactic though.  If high functioning Borderline, or NPD, this will likely not work.

To understand the illogical (yes I know it is an oxymoron) read the following book:

Stop Walking on Eggshells
Book by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger