Can't Drive without Calling Me

[mitten]

Anyone else get a phone call from your BPD loved one EVERY time they are driving somewhere?  It never fails for me.  I always know she is driving when I get that call.  I know it's because she can't stand to be alone for the 15 minute drive to work... but when I just said bye to her 5 minutes earlier and I have work to do it's hard to spend the time to keep her company while she drives.  I often times will ignore her call, which seems so rude to do to your spouse... but also necessary, because the calls are so unnecessary.  Am I being harsh here? 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

Nope. I feel the same. It’s not my job to be his babysitter or narcissistic supply while he’s driving.

[thankful person]

With us it’s usually me who’s driving and gets called all the time. Annoying as that’s when I’m trying to listen to my bpd audiobooks…lol It’s not something I’ve tackled tbh. My wife knows when I’m driving cos she texts and gets an automatic reply saying I’m driving… and of course her calls come through the car so I can’t say I missed it. But I do often ignore her texts and calls when I’m at work these days, which I never used to.

[mitten]

Oh yes, of course the calls while you're driving.  Mine called me today just as I was leaving work and talked to me the entire way home.   All I really wanted to do is have quiet time after a long day before I get home to kid chaos! haha. 

I try to let about half of her calls in a day go to voicemail, because otherwise I'd be on the phone half the day. 

[mitten]

The funny thing is, if I don't pickup one of her calls when she is on her way home, I notice she just goes down her speed dial list and calls one of her sisters... because when she drives into the driveway she is always talking to someone!  I really just like silence on my drives... time to decompress in between work and home.

[kells76]

if I don't pickup one of her calls when she is on her way home, I notice she just goes down her speed dial list and calls one of her sisters

Sounds like she can self soothe in that situation.

This seems like a win win for you guys as a couple -- you have given her the opportunity to manage her own emotions and she is doing so in her own way.

 

[mitten]

Yes! I'm always afraid that she will be mad if I don't answer...but usually she's not, or forgets about it by the time she gets home.  Also usually worried about what excuse I'd use that I didn't answer.  It's easy if I'm in a meeting or on another call, but most of the time I'm not. 

[15years]

Interesting thread, this never happens for me.

I agree that it seems you're handling this well. I don't think you need to be afraid what excuse to use. Being at work seems like a good enough excuse.

[SaltyDawg]

For me, the calls/texts are somewhat different.  My uBPDw always wants me to call me when I leave and arrive (if it is 5 minutes or 5 hours of driving) so she knows where I am (if I don't tell her first and when to expect me back), some sort of anxiety issue there about being stranded on the side of the road, and will call/text repeatedly until I answer so she knows that I am okay.  She does the same for me, our daughter (on a bicycle ride), her dad, her mom, and her friends.