I’m having trouble finalizing our breakup

[Freesands]

I am having trouble finalizing my breakup with my girlfriend. We have been dating for a little over a year and a half, and like with most of the relationships I’ve read about, it started amazing. Since then, it’s gone straight downhill. We have fought basically everyday we’ve been dating. I know how terrible this relationship is, and I know how much happier I’d be without it, I’m just scared of actually ending it. She has been diagnosed with anorexia and is on anti-depressants, but I never realized that all of her mental health issues all stem from BPD. Looking at my relationship from an outside perspective helps me realize that I desperately need to leave. We are both only 18 and just started freshman year of college, and I recognize I have a ton of life in front of me without her. Even so, I’ve become to used to life with her. My dad shows many signs of a narcissistic personality, so I think subconsciously I familiarize myself with my girlfriend because of my dad. I have a great relationship with him, but even though I know how to handle narcissistic personalities I can’t help but fight with my girlfriend basically every day. On top of that, she is pretty verbally abusive, and commits self harm often whenever I have an opinion that’s different from the double standards she creates. Basically, I am asking for helping actually pulling the trigger. I know it’s what needs to happen, but I don’t know how to go about it. I know how hard the breakup will be, so if anyone has any tips for dealing with that later I’d love to hear them.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

It’s good that you are self aware about having entered into a relationship with someone with a personality disorder, after understanding that it is similar to your experience with your father.  Most of us here, who’ve gotten into a romantic relationship with someone with BPD, have had a family member with a personality disorder, so it seems “familiar”.

How to break up with her? Unless you want to end up in numerous recycles, you have to do a swift clean breakup.

You are not responsible for her physical or emotional wellbeing. She’s had these issues prior to knowing you. I understand that you are concerned that she will be OK, but this is not something you can help with.

Since you are in college, is there a counseling office where you could get some support? It’s good that you are looking ahead to think what sort of life you want. Too often, people begin these relationships with BPD partners and get in too deep, too early, to easily extract themselves, when children and other responsibilities tie them to a dysfunctional relationship.