BPD BREAKUP ADVICE

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi everyone,

this is my first post on this site, I was in a 2-year relationship with a f21yrs, I'm m27yrs.

within the 2 years she which I believe now was a discard happened 4 times within each time of breaking up with a month between us breaking up and getting back together,

at the very start she was the one who reached out to begin with where I worked in a gym, at first, we hit it off very well went on many trips to the coast and the sex life was pretty insane, after 4 months of being together she broke things off with me suddenly on Christmas day, later to return with a letter of apologies to me a month after NC, this then happened again about 4 moths cycle but on the next discard she came back sooner, we then were together (for the best part of 6 months) by this point I noticed her moods gradually getting worse and she was massively jealous of any female in my life i.e. work colleges and friends, she would keep ne isolated in my room a lot of the time and enjoyed going fishing with me for 2-3 days trip, one time I went fishing on my own and she randomly turns up a 2 hour drive away which shocked me as it felt like she was checking to see if I was with another female, this strange behavior kept happening and her mood was getting worse as time went on with a lot of arguments beginning to happen more often, she would never get involved in my social group of friends or my family stating she felt awkward around these people even though they showed her love and care for her, once again Christmas came around and she broke up with me again... after a week of being blocked she randomly started calling me over and over stating she (can't do this anymore) and returned I've now can see these were just recycled attempts, the last few months of our RS she became more moody, wanting to check my mobile phone each day for some sort of evidence of cheating, I then started having random alarms set on my phone saying things like, we are over, you're a cheater... while i was in work,

the final breakup happened 2 months prior last discard and she blocked me on all platforms until a month past she was blocking/unblocking me and pretending to come back yet to disappear again, blocked once again stating (I'm happy now)
this is when the photos of my replacement came to social media and my friends and family told me the bad news,

I was crushed/devastated, never have I ever felt such strong feelings of suicide massive anger/panic attacks where the police had to be called as I didn't know how to control these feelings i lashed out to all who were close to me and also going sick from work for 2 months, since then I've had no contact and I have not been stalking her in any way shape or form, she then started showing up at my local gym and parking in my normal parking space only to find her in the gym flirting with a boy in front of me and I just did not give her a look in any way shape or form, since this time I've not seen her for over 4 months, only her mums Facebook keeps showing on my suggested messenger list and we are not even friends on Facebook with a random spam message sent to me.

I need some advice I'm not sure if she has BPD, but her father left her when she was young and doesn't really engage with her on a fair level and she walks all over him on Facetime treats him very poorly when we were together, a few of her exs reached out after and said the same sort of events happened to them, it's now been 8 months of no contact, she is the first thought on my mind and the last as i go to bed at night even the dreams of her still remain, i have huge jealosy of the fact shes sleeping with someone else and i feel destroyed as a person and cannot seem to stop thinking of her and playing pornos in my head regarding her replacement.

please can someone give me some advice, I'm not sure what i can do to heal and move forward, there was a lot odder behavior, but I would be here all day explaining other events that occurred over the 2 years. 

hope someone can give me some hope on my situation, I'm from the UK

[jimmygibb]

Hi everyone,

this is my first post on this site, I was in a 2-year relationship with a f21yrs, I'm m27yrs.

within the 2 years she which I believe now was a discard happened 4 times within each time of breaking up with a month between us breaking up and getting back together,

at the very start she was the one who reached out to begin with where I worked in a gym, at first, we hit it off very well went on many trips to the coast and the sex life was pretty insane, after 4 months of being together she broke things off with me suddenly on Christmas day, later to return with a letter of apologies to me a month after NC, this then happened again about 4 moths cycle but on the next discard she came back sooner, we then were together (for the best part of 6 months) by this point I noticed her moods gradually getting worse and she was massively jealous of any female in my life i.e. work colleges and friends, she would keep ne isolated in my room a lot of the time and enjoyed going fishing with me for 2-3 days trip, one time I went fishing on my own and she randomly turns up a 2 hour drive away which shocked me as it felt like she was checking to see if I was with another female, this strange behavior kept happening and her mood was getting worse as time went on with a lot of arguments beginning to happen more often, she would never get involved in my social group of friends or my family stating she felt awkward around these people even though they showed her love and care for her, once again Christmas came around and she broke up with me again... after a week of being blocked she randomly started calling me over and over stating she (can't do this anymore) and returned I've now can see these were just recycled attempts, the last few months of our RS she became more moody, wanting to check my mobile phone each day for some sort of evidence of cheating, I then started having random alarms set on my phone saying things like, we are over, you're a cheater... while i was in work,

the final breakup happened 2 months prior last discard and she blocked me on all platforms until a month past she was blocking/unblocking me and pretending to come back yet to disappear again, blocked once again stating (I'm happy now)
this is when the photos of my replacement came to social media and my friends and family told me the bad news,

I was crushed/devastated, never have I ever felt such strong feelings of suicide massive anger/panic attacks where the police had to be called as I didn't know how to control these feelings i lashed out to all who were close to me and also going sick from work for 2 months, since then I've had no contact and I have not been stalking her in any way shape or form, she then started showing up at my local gym and parking in my normal parking space only to find her in the gym flirting with a boy in front of me and I just did not give her a look in any way shape or form, since this time I've not seen her for over 4 months, only her mums Facebook keeps showing on my suggested messenger list and we are not even friends on Facebook with a random spam message sent to me.

I need some advice I'm not sure if she has BPD, but her father left her when she was young and doesn't really engage with her on a fair level and she walks all over him on Facetime treats him very poorly when we were together, a few of her exs reached out after and said the same sort of events happened to them, it's now been 8 months of no contact, she is the first thought on my mind and the last as i go to bed at night even the dreams of her still remain, i have huge jealosy of the fact shes sleeping with someone else and i feel destroyed as a person and cannot seem to stop thinking of her and playing pornos in my head regarding her replacement.

please can someone give me some advice, I'm not sure what i can do to heal and move forward, there was a lot odder behavior, but I would be here all day explaining other events that occurred over the 2 years. 

hope someone can give me some hope on my situation, I'm from the UK

[Help_Seeker]

I have nothing smart to say to be honest..
I feel your pain, it's been a month and my ex is always on my mind, first thing waking up last thing before falling asleep, and in my dreams too...
I find it useful to find someone who's really really there for you and vent whenever you can
I do that with both my mom and my therapist.
Don't be afraid to cry, I cry a lot and it helps sometimes too to get it out that way
My therapist told me that working out will increase joy feeling in your brain, so you're in a good starting point.
I'll be following to see if you found any solution that's beneficial
Stay strong, we must to..

[BPDEnjoyer]

fear of abandoment? chronic emptiness? self harm behavior or ideation?  The rest of the pattern behavior check out for bpd.  Also, one discard is enough, you let her discard you 4 times, meaning she lost all respect for you