FLTC0
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken Up
Posts: 2
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« on: December 02, 2022, 08:32:14 PM » |
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Hi, this is my first post, I stumbled across BPD while trying to figure out my ex. We were in a relationship for 8 months, not very long but we moved very quickly. Before I start, I would like to say my ex has claimed she "suffers" from; Bipolar, Anger issues, Depression, ADHD, Social Anxiety, Anxiety, Anorexia and "Overthinking".
In the beginning, there were a lot of red flags.
-She had a fear of abandonment
-"Separation Anxiety"
-She has unstable relationships with family and friend's
-Suicidal Threats
-Big mood swings
-Overly clingy, overprotective and jealous but hypocritical
-Hypersexual
-Immediately fell in love
-Accusations of rape and abuse from past partners (I know she was lying)
I could explain how she had all of these problems and a lot of red flags at the start but I'm going to try and keep it short. She was different in the beginning, and I believe she mirrored me. These symptoms seemed to go away for the most part too. She was my first love and what I thought to be a real relationship, Fast forward about 8 months me and my ex are supposed to move to like 14 hours away from her family and I may have started seeing the "mask" start to slip, she out of nowhere started nonchalantly saying some pretty hurtful insulting comments, during a small silly fight she to my face accused me of punching her and threatened to tell her Dad and Brother. We stayed in separate rooms and a couple hours later everything was fine.
We went to visit some of my family before moving and she was fine for a couple days, she did randomly faint and hit her head which she said hasn't happened in a long time, but she was fine. From what I remember she acted normal until her family started messaging her telling her they're not ready for her to leave, she's all they have left etc. She pulled away and started acting distant, she didn't want me to touch her or be close and she didn't want to do anything with me. But at the same time, if she did want to do something, she would be singing, talk about sex, want to cuddle, hold my hand etc. She also played songs about leaving which I didn't suspect until afterwards and its mind blowing. One day, she asked to move to where we were visiting because it's not as far and she wasn't ready to be that far from her family.
Eventually, I woke up one day and she told me she's not going, she needs space and time. She told me at first that she hates herself and wants to kill herself and needs to heal, she feels like she's in a bubble and being forced to move. I saw these as excuses and immediately took her home. She told me I can't stay with her anymore and if I don't move like we were supposed to I can't see her as she'll need space and time. When we got back to her place, her and the parent she lives with got in a fight (Parent was drunk). My ex told her parent that she hates herself and wants to kill herself but as it escalated, she told her parent that she's not happy with me and when I asked her why she just didn't tell me that instead of the other things she said she was thinking or talking out of her head or something like that implying that she didn't mean it. She just kept telling me to leave so I left.
About an hour or two later she calls me saying she wants to go "Home" back to the place where we were visiting, that she needed to lose me to realize she needed me, she feels like this needed to happen and that we should take a couple days off our phones and work on us. So, I went back and stayed the night. In the morning, she asked if we could just be together again, cuddled with me and started packing to go back. I told her multiple times she can't be doing this just because her and her parent got in a fight, and she told me she wasn't. She missed out on an event with her parent and a holiday to go back to the place we were visiting. She played some more dramatic songs and agreed that she got overwhelmed. She packed way too much stuff like we were gonna be there for a while and told my parent that she thinks since we were sharing a couch and not sleeping together that she was just feeling distant and that we were gonna be visiting for a month for some reason.
Again, she was fine for a couple days and when we had to start working sooner than we thought, she told me she's not ready to get a job yet and that she needs space and time again. She told me a whole multitude of reasons this time like, she needs to heal, how is she going to be happy with me if she isn't happy with herself, she hates herself, she feels like I make all her decisions for her etc. But the one that gets me is she did say "I feel trapped and like I can't be myself" and "I just need to be me". I told her we could have fixed this with more communication, and she said "Yea, probably but it's too late now I'm done" and I asked her what we could have worked on, and she brought up some petty things from months ago that don't even matter. She also told me there's nothing I can do to change her mind but said that we'll get together in the future, we can keep in touch, and she just needs to heal, she's not gonna get with anyone else just really letting me down easy, I think. She played some more weird songs and said I was her twin flame; she also posted a TikTok saying "POV you lost your sparkle and nobody noticed" with a song saying this is the end of me and you
After giving me tons of false hope, I took her back to her house and she immediately went against what she said she was going to do, she told me talking isn't space and time and she texted me once or twice a day for like 3 days until she told me she can't keep in contact with me while she's "healing" and this is her goodbye and that she never meant to hurt me. She posted another TikTok saying she just needs time to get over me. I asked her about these TikTok's and she told me they didn't mean "the end" and I asked her multiple times to just tell me the truth, that I'm away already and it will make it easier for me and I need to know If I should wait or not. She told me she was telling the truth, that we'll get back together but she's doing what's best for her and I need to do what's best for me and she unfollowed me on everything, blocked my snapchat and number.
Two weeks later I get a call from my friend, he informed me that she randomly texted him and told him I was abusive, told her she wouldn't ever be anybody, left her and moved along with some other insane made-up things. I went to her mom and told her what my ex had said, and my ex answered saying that she didn't say half of that stuff (I have proof she did) and that I did hit her I just "lashed out and don't remember". About a month later, she follows me on Instagram and sends me a TikTok saying "if you had to walk away from a relationship where you were still in love because you were being hurt more than happy, not only does it show your strength and that you know your worth, it shows that you truly love yourself, don't settle for less". I didn't want to start anymore drama and just told her I didn't know what she meant but I wish her the best, hoping she would explain but instead she just updated me on her life and asked a little about mine. She seemed to just want to let me know how she's doing and compare it to me.
A couple days later I get a text from an old friend saying She told him I was abusive, would hit her and she'd be crying saying stop and that a family member watched me hit her but that a couple days ago she was just telling him she misses me and was wearing a jersey I had accidentally left at her house and that he had asked her before why we broke up and she told him that I wanted to or had to go to the state we were supposed to move too and she didn't want to. I also figured out she was sharing things like " I loved you enough to ruin myself for you" and a bunch of things basically blaming me, I found out she told my sister while she was leaving that I broke up with her and that she immediately was blaming me and putting on a huge victim act and tried to get with my old friend and apparently another friend I never thought in a million years she would even be interested in.
These accusations of abuse are insane, and you have to really be heartless to claim that against me after the way she left and all I did for her and her family.
My ex does seem to be like how she was before she got with me and how she was in the beginning of our relationship, and she did say "I feel trapped and like I can't be myself" and "I just need to be me". She did change from how she was in the beginning, and it really seems like she mirrored me, this makes me feel like I wasn't good enough or she didn't like my personality or something. But there is nothing I did to stop her from being however she wants, and when she was "herself" I was the love of her life blah blah blah, she also was talking about marriage when she supposedly wouldn't have been "herself".
Was this just me that she didn't like? Will this happen for her next partner? What made her all of a sudden need to heal and "hate herself"? What made her all of a sudden feel like she can't be herself? What made her realize she changed or isn't "herself"? So, she wasn't herself for like 95% of our relationship? The girl I was with wasn't even really herself? She wanted to get married in May and in June hates herself and feels trapped and tells her parent she's not happy with me. If it was set in her mind that she felt like she couldn't be herself, she wouldn't have given all the other "reasons" and did what she did right? Is this a normal thing?
She's unblocked and texted me a couple times, nothing important just weird random stuff. She also got a job and bought a car, but I couldn't get her to get a job while she was with me and while she was leaving, she said she needs to get a job and she'll be making money and be happier, but that she'd be too focused on "some boy" and that she doesn't want to get one while I'm around. I've got good things going for me now, but I can't get over my ex and I need help. I just feel so horrible about myself, and I miss her. I miss someone loving me so much and the feelings she gave me. I won't find another person like her. I'm just so confused and hurt. I probably left out some things and I have a million questions, but I guess this is it for tonight.
I want to add that she did have a rough childhood. Her brother committed suicide when she was pretty young. While learning about BPD I found out about NPD, and it describes her dad pretty well. Her mom also has some kind of mental health problems. There has got to be something going on. Thank you to those that have read this.
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