Being gaslit in abuse support communities.

[Depression = 72% of members]

Now, I don't mind if I have people disagree with me, and I can deal with being gaslit, if I can speak up about it, because I feel like I have a right to say my truth. But I was just banned from another reddit sub because I stood by the fact that people with BPD are abusive, it was a narcissist sub, about narcissist parents, since I thought that might apply to me more. I gotta say, I'm pretty miffed, I go there to validate my experiences and my truth, and connect, and it's just sad to me. Also, I gotta stop using reddit for support, because there's a lot of enforced prejudice there. When I spoke up, I tried to be balanced and honest.

Anyways, I've just noticed that people with BPD spread a lot of misinformation about the disorder to a lot of people, and it's working! I've seen it all over the internet how people with BPD are great, and mostly just victims. Now I'm not saying it's all black and white here, but it's disheartening when you can't even say the truth, when you can't call abuse, abuse.

When people screw with your mind this much, for their own selfish stuff, it's abusive, even if they never hit you. If they try to dominate you, and use smoke and mirrors, and degrade and dehumanize you, and abandon you at key times, and isolate you, and do the opposite of what you want always, and try to make your life worse, that's abuse.

I'm not going to let the person with BPD who tried to manipulate me, convince me otherwise. I am not going to let the mod who tried to call it "anecdotal evidence" when I spoke about this community, tell me otherwise, it's right here, if anyone can see it.

I just feel so angry at all the dishonesty, but I can't let it ruin my life, because the world isn't always fair. Anyone have any other communities that might be helpful to me? I've been through a lot of Narcissistic abuse, but most of the recent stuff is with family, or neighbors and such and most don't have BPD. I've been trying to connect to the community, but I think one of the main issues is that you all are dealing with BPD behaviors specifically, and I am dealing with more broad Narcissistic abuse.

[NarcsEverywhere]

Now, I don't mind if I have people disagree with me, and I can deal with being gaslit, if I can speak up about it, because I feel like I have a right to say my truth. But I was just banned from another reddit sub because I stood by the fact that people with BPD are abusive, it was a narcissist sub, about narcissist parents, since I thought that might apply to me more. I gotta say, I'm pretty miffed, I go there to validate my experiences and my truth, and connect, and it's just sad to me. Also, I gotta stop using reddit for support, because there's a lot of enforced prejudice there. When I spoke up, I tried to be balanced and honest.

Anyways, I've just noticed that people with BPD spread a lot of misinformation about the disorder to a lot of people, and it's working! I've seen it all over the internet how people with BPD are great, and mostly just victims. Now I'm not saying it's all black and white here, but it's disheartening when you can't even say the truth, when you can't call abuse, abuse.

When people screw with your mind this much, for their own selfish stuff, it's abusive, even if they never hit you. If they try to dominate you, and use smoke and mirrors, and degrade and dehumanize you, and abandon you at key times, and isolate you, and do the opposite of what you want always, and try to make your life worse, that's abuse.

I'm not going to let the person with BPD who tried to manipulate me, convince me otherwise. I am not going to let the mod who tried to call it "anecdotal evidence" when I spoke about this community, tell me otherwise, it's right here, if anyone can see it.

I just feel so angry at all the dishonesty, but I can't let it ruin my life, because the world isn't always fair. Anyone have any other communities that might be helpful to me? I've been through a lot of Narcissistic abuse, but most of the recent stuff is with family, or neighbors and such and most don't have BPD. I've been trying to connect to the community, but I think one of the main issues is that you all are dealing with BPD behaviors specifically, and I am dealing with more broad Narcissistic abuse.

[PearlsBefore]

Reddit is a cancer - while our governments discuss banning TikTok for its intentional brainwarping effects, they're silent on the bigger predator - Reddit. I'm sorry you had the experience you had, but yeah the problem is that "most" people on BPDFamily.org are actually non-narcissistic, non-BPD, non-gaslighting folk...most people on the subreddits are just there to convince you to take their side in last night's histrionics and score some dopamine updoots.

[NarcsEverywhere]

Hey PearlBefore,

Thanks for responding,

I think you know, you're right, reddit is terrible for many things. I'm not gonna get political, but the popularity contests and enforced views are pretty terrible. It's true, that this community is much more constructive, and Reddit is mostly about people sitting around complaining, and never doing anything about it. Not that I see an issue with complaining, it's what I am doing now.

[MeandThee29]

Mine was a marriage of several decades to someone formally diagnosed. We finally split and divorced. So I was on a variety of boards for years about marriage and mental health issues, and I can tell you that indeed some of them have people who are on the spectrum themselves. I left all of the public discussion forums other than this one, and I pop in her infrequently because of my work schedule.

I helped a coach with a paid board for a while, and she had a strict policy where she removed people after two warnings. It was a good community and remains so, from what I know. Then we basically had a difference of opinion that meant something significant to me, and I left on good terms.

Then I went to another paid board with a therapist that resonated with me. I also help there. It was really good for several years, but I'm leaving in May. I think I got what I needed, and I'm seeing some disturbing things in the therapist. He's lied about some things that matter to me. There's also someone there who seems on the NPD/BPD spectrum who constantly demands attention and attacks other members. It's become a toxic free-for-all, IMHO. The therapist won't do anything about it. I plan to write my letter and leave in May.

What can I say? Your concerns are very real. Most of my healing came from a local 12-step group when I couldn't afford my own therapy any more. Some of those are bad too, but it might be worth looking into.