CPTSD VS BPD (read article on here by Julian D Ford ) or does it not matter?

[UnbalancedForce]

Thanks in advance for reading . Ever since I joined this site my empathy for my EX is increasing and I am finding additional ways I contributed to the breakup. (Real ways, not the blame myself for everything phase) This however is making me very conflicted. When I started my healing journey I thought ex was CPTSD fearful avoidant. Then I shifted focus to BPD. I've read tons on the subject of CPTSD VS BPD and know they are co-morbid a lot. I know they are all so similar with varying degrees and nuances. Also Emotional Intensity Disorder and Emotion Regulation Disorder they will all be lumped together anyways. My question is my ex told me they were diagnosed with CPTSD originally and as far as I know my ex has never lied to me. Talking to my therapist she informed me that around here insurance is very high when they have patients with BPD so they sometimes just label them CPTSD. Her opinion is BPD for my ex so I went with that. I know what I tell my therapist is jaded though because I felt very hurt and that comes out in my sessions. As I am moving along in therapy I am finding that I projected my grief and trauma onto my ex as we were getting very codependent and it dysregulated them. It was a very soft breakup and my ex took the brunt of the blame the first day and it seemed like fear of abandonment because I was becoming very distant and they asked if I was going to break up when I said I was struggling and tried to set some boundaries. However I was very inconsistent. I said one thing then wanted another. (I.E. said don't worry about coming here for my surgery then the next day I complained to my ex that they weren't here, very non congruent.) My ex then had several days of panic attacks then broke up with me. The following day however was very much engulfment. The words "expectations, that I'm needy, they need space, I need to see a psychologist, and red-flags" to name a few. I took this to heart and am really trying to better myself and move on but my ex and I can't seem to let each other go just yet. I'm not a doctor but I feel its a different technique depending on which diagnosis it is. I mean I'm guessing they are a fearful avoidant diagnosed CTPSD with BPD traits? I really feel my ex has a sense of self and identity. I guess I am on information overload right now. I know they are both very very serious but with BPD the advice seems to be move on and with CPTSD its just let them know your here and you still care. (I.E-reaching out when they are showing signs of coming into your orbit which has happened about 4 cycles in 5 months now. Totally matches the PDS school on Youtubes how a fearful avoidant comes back.) I have been NC since January. I also feel strongly in not reaching out again either way as I was given a boundary. I am just very conflicted right now and I have been feeling my ex's presence again the last week or so through various channels. I know communication is the key whenever I can get my baggage sorted, but I feel the plan might be different depending on the situation? Or am I just overthinking things too much which my OCD tends to do. Anyone that has experience with this or advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

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[kells76]

Hi UnbalancedForce;

"Is it C-PTSD or BPD" is a question that does come up here periodically. We do have a discussion of some of the differences and overlaps in this thread on COMPARISON: PTSD vs BPD in our Psychology library, though it is a bit older. I remember at least one other thread on the boards in the last year or so, though I can't recall the name of it right now.

Am I tracking with you, that your core question is: "I need to know if it's C-PTSD or BPD because I believe I should do ABC if it were BPD and I shouldn't do ABC if it weren't"? Basically, what would it mean to you, in your life, if it's one or the other?

My overall thought is that whatever is going on with your ex, it's not like learning SET and DEARMAN, and avoiding JADE-ing and invalidation, will be "better" if she has BPD and "worse" if she has C-PTSD. Learning and implementing new communication skills and tools will help pretty much any relationship.

Respecting her boundaries is wise. Using some of the communication tools/skills if/when she does reach out again seems like a strong move.

Any thoughts over the last few days? Any more perspective from your T?

[waverider]

I know some pwBPD will push for, and accept better, a diagnosis of CPTSD as that comes with the implication of victimhood rather than instigator. A legitimate form of blame shifting. I also think some therapists will go down the CPTSD path as they are more likely to keep them engaged. There is a reluctance to openly diagnose BPD as they usually push back, and the patient does a runner.

I would guess more BPD are misdiagnosed with CPTSD than the other way around. pwBPD launch more unprovoked toxic attacks on people, which leads to their repeated abandonment, thereby constantly fuelling their fear of abandonment

[UnbalancedForce]

Thanks Kels and Wave,
My T said something that stuck with me. Yes, there are minor differences but every single case is different with symptoms/comorbidity, so stop trying to figure it out. Just relax, focus on yourself, and let it come to me. Kind of like what you said. Just learn to communicate more efficiently and maintain my boundaries. That was the root of the problem. I need to focus on not projecting my illness, stay strong, and keep a sound mind, or it will be destined to fail anyways. My hitting a rut and projecting my trauma caused my ex to mirror it to me. That in itself is a great learning lesson for me. So if/when there is communication it will be a great question to ask my former partner and show I am interested in learning and growth/awareness.