Possible BPD behavior

[MembershipFree]

I met this one girl late last year and I suspect she may have BPD so I need to approach her differently in dating her. Since I met her, she went through phases of significant flirting with me and then acting very angry and disorderly in front of me.  She insists she has trauma. She says she needs a man who can tame her and likes to test boundaries.

When I first met her, her first reaction was to introduce me to her ex boyfriend.  Her ex boyfriend's reaction to the introduction was for him to introduce me to his new gf. She told other people she is scared of me cause I may like her.  She then introduced me to a guy but insisted she is just a friend. She told me she needs to leave the country for several months on a sporadic teaching mission and advised me which places I should not be going to because "too many young girls go there".  I once asked her if she has any BPD traits cause she sort of reminds me of a BPD ex and she got violently angry at me yelling that I dont know her well enough (making me suspect she has well researched BPD to the point that she has an emotional reaction while most people who have no experience involved in clinical psychological for instance may not really care about the label)

I started noticing that whenever I go out, I have people connected associated with her including her mom, uncle, uncle's girlfriend, and at least two friends following me around town (its not a big town) as well as asking questions that are designed to mine for information that you only a woman would ask (ex: "when do you want to get married?" "why do you want to date a woman of this age but not this age?")  i also get a feeling that these people are  "watching" another girl who has shown some interest in me in the past (note: that other girl tried to talk to me out of dating this girl by saying shes "on many meds")

i find it very suspicious that while this girl is sort of obsessed with me, her uncle and her wont add me on facebook and other social media accounts. whenever i bring up the topic to her uncle, he creatively dodges it. one last time i asked he seemed to have immediately walked out of the room and called that girl.

does this seem like this going some weird direction where i will be facing? can anyone help me understand this all better?

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[kells76]

Hi MembershipFree, welcome to the group 

There are certainly aspects to your situation that sound familiar: the "hot and cold" phases, the boundary pushing, the angry outbursts. Many members here have coped with having an emotionally volatile partner, and everything that comes with that.

Forgive me if I'm not tracking with you -- are you currently dating her? Or is it that you're thinking about it, but aren't in a relationship with her yet?

does this seem like this going some weird direction where i will be facing? can anyone help me understand this all better?

To be straightforward with you, yes, the way it's described does all seem pretty weird.

Probably the best question you can ask yourself about the whole situation, as you try to understand it better, could be --

what do YOU want?

Thoughts?