Been a minute

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Greetings and salutations.

Been a while since I have posted on the board.  Backstory:  Been NC since June last year.  Except for court appearances. She was removed from the property by local law enforcement officers back then.  Finally got to the final orders stage of the divorce this month (June 2023)  25 years of marriage.

That was weird.  The system didn't take my full post.  ( Editing to finish it.)

What my experience has been is that being NC allowed me the space and time in order to get my internal house, so to speak,  in better order.   

 The peace is so wonderful.  To not have a constant drip of criticism, negativities, paranoia, arguments, and and and, you know?

Being able to listen what I want, watch what I want, dance in the shower if I want, to be fully present without having to fight through all the survival sub-routines to simply enjoy a nice meal at a restaurant.  Glorious.

My health has also improved.  Blood pressure has returned into normal range, lost weight without dieting, eyesight has improved, thinking has improved and I'm surprised at how good my memory is now.   Sleep actually is restorative now.   

Being on this side, so so much better than even the best of times with the exBPD.  Even during the love bombing phase. 

Oh yeah, even my doggo is actually being a doggo now.  He is / was a rescue and very "subdued" .  Didn't vocalize much if at all.  Very meek which from having dogs all my life was odd to me.  Without the exBPD being around, he has come into himself.  He's still well behaved but now he vocalizes, his happy wiggles can get ahold of him and zoomies.  We are still figuring out how to play with each other.  It's getting there. 

Getting to this point wasn't easy.  Severe Suckage.  However,  I know that there is still more healing I need to do for myself.  And that's ok because now my attitude is generally positive and my outlook on life is way better. 

To those who are still in the suckage part,  please keep going.  It is so worth it on this side.

What's also wicked cool is that this is only a solid beginning.  Can't wait to see what's next in my journey back into myself.

Wishing all here, all the best.

[StartingHealing]

Greetings and salutations.

Been a while since I have posted on the board.  Backstory:  Been NC since June last year.  Except for court appearances. She was removed from the property by local law enforcement officers back then.  Finally got to the final orders stage of the divorce this month (June 2023)  25 years of marriage.

That was weird.  The system didn't take my full post.  ( Editing to finish it.)

What my experience has been is that being NC allowed me the space and time in order to get my internal house, so to speak,  in better order.   

 The peace is so wonderful.  To not have a constant drip of criticism, negativities, paranoia, arguments, and and and, you know?

Being able to listen what I want, watch what I want, dance in the shower if I want, to be fully present without having to fight through all the survival sub-routines to simply enjoy a nice meal at a restaurant.  Glorious.

My health has also improved.  Blood pressure has returned into normal range, lost weight without dieting, eyesight has improved, thinking has improved and I'm surprised at how good my memory is now.   Sleep actually is restorative now.   

Being on this side, so so much better than even the best of times with the exBPD.  Even during the love bombing phase. 

Oh yeah, even my doggo is actually being a doggo now.  He is / was a rescue and very "subdued" .  Didn't vocalize much if at all.  Very meek which from having dogs all my life was odd to me.  Without the exBPD being around, he has come into himself.  He's still well behaved but now he vocalizes, his happy wiggles can get ahold of him and zoomies.  We are still figuring out how to play with each other.  It's getting there. 

Getting to this point wasn't easy.  Severe Suckage.  However,  I know that there is still more healing I need to do for myself.  And that's ok because now my attitude is generally positive and my outlook on life is way better. 

To those who are still in the suckage part,  please keep going.  It is so worth it on this side.

What's also wicked cool is that this is only a solid beginning.  Can't wait to see what's next in my journey back into myself.

Wishing all here, all the best.

[capecodling]

That's awesome!   How long did it take you to get to this point?

I have noticed the health improvements and DRASTIC improvements in sleep as I detach and continue to remain NC.   It was helpful to see that you noticed the same types of things.

And not having to endure the constant, unending stress ---- it always seems to be there in the background, even when nothing stress-worthy seems to be happening.  Its just stressful knowing at some level, something deep in the recesses of my mind was screaming at me to get away from her, even when she was being the "nice" version of her personality.

[StartingHealing]

That's awesome!   How long did it take you to get to this point?

I have noticed the health improvements and DRASTIC improvements in sleep as I detach and continue to remain NC.   It was helpful to see that you noticed the same types of things.

And not having to endure the constant, unending stress ---- it always seems to be there in the background, even when nothing stress-worthy seems to be happening.  Its just stressful knowing at some level, something deep in the recesses of my mind was screaming at me to get away from her, even when she was being the "nice" version of her personality.

I would agree on the stress part, in my case it was being prepped so if she went on a tirade, or went all racist rant, or, or, or, or, ya know?   Thank the Gods that I had work where I had to be onsite 5 days out of the week.  If I had been doing the work from home, SMH, I prolly wouldn't be here typing this.  Work was a refuge. 

Lets see been a journey since 12 months ago.  Been one of fits and starts but general trend has been going towards more and more health.  Better sleep, better sight, hearing, even smell.  Seems like my pattern is progress and plateau for a while, then more progress and another plateau.  Along the way I've had aha moments of how much of my behavior had been based off my attempt in keeping the exBPD in a decent space emotionally.   You can guess how well that worked. 

got the short end of the financial stick in the divorce but the peace and freedom, oh mercy, can't put a price tag on that.

Wishing you all the best