Bpd ex boyfriend left

[No123456]

I was with my partner and everything was great. It moved really fast and he wanted me to spend every day with him. He told me he loved me. He said he had never loved anyone before me. He would always do things for me and got anxious when I didn’t reply or answer his calls. I always apologised for taking too long to respond.
Out of nowhere (it seemed like nowhere to me) after 3 months of dating and spending every day together he started to ignore my calls and messages. He didn’t even end the relationship, he just stopped talking to me. I texted him lots and tried to ask him what was going on. I was looking for answers. He then blocked me.
2 months later he unblocked me and got in contact. He was drunk and told me that he loved me and could have been together. For the next month he was on and off with me until we finally met up and spend every day together for a month after that. He told me that he is only like this with girlfriends and he can’t get attached and that he wants to be with me but he just can’t be around me sometimes and he can’t help it. He also said he is only like this with romantic partners and his mum. He said he wanted to have a child with me and that I was ‘different’ to his other girlfriends.
After spending every day together for a month he started getting very depressed and withdrawing from me. I called at his house and left him things that he liked, food, drinks etc to show him that I cared but he continued to disengage with me and said he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be with me.
I got fed up and ended it with him but immediately regretted it.
This time it was different as he wasn’t rude or nasty to me and there was no arguing. I felt as though this time he tried not to ha as horrible and felt it was best to just stay away from me.
I know people will say it’s no excuse and what he done was abuse but he wasn’t as abusive this time.
I can’t help but feel like I could help him if I could only get him to engage again.
I guess I really came here for some hope.
Did he/ does he love me?
Will it ever work out?
What do I need to do? How can I help him?
What is he feeling?
Is this all happening because he loves me and doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions?
Or does he just pick me up and drop me like a used tampon because he can see I’m soft?
I just really felt like we had something and how I feel at the moment is that im not ready to give up.
Please someone answer my questions. He is so special to me and I want to know am I special to him or do I mean anything to him? Or is his illness doing this?

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