Looking to Chat with Someone who is a Daughter to a Mom with BPD

[Our abuse recovery guide]

For my whole life, I have been struggling with the relationship I have with my mother. She, without a doubt, has undiagnosed BPD and refuses (like most who have this disorder) to seek treatment or effective therapy.
   I am 21 years old and, thankfully, in a position where we do not live in the same household any longer and I live a few hours away from her. I am at a crucial time in my life where I need to be focused on building my career, my relationships— building a life I feel successful with in my adulthood. I feel that she is holding me back from succeeding because I already feel that I failed her. Although I work so hard, she is the first person to tell me I’m not working hard enough. She has pushed me all of my life and now, I am honestly exhausted— I lost touch with my passion, I struggle with depression, and I doubt my talents/abilities. She beat it into me that I am not special although I know that is not true. I want to continue a relationship with her but every time I share a “success story” of mine with her, whether it be my boyfriend and I traveling or me hiring people to grow my business, she tears me down. When I send her pictures of me lounging by the pool, she says “I should come up and visit for a few days so I can just relax by the pool.” I recently went to Nevada to visit the Grand Canyon and and she never once said “have a good time”, instead she asks when I’m coming to visit her. I am just so sick of it being about her, all about her and whatever she wants, and however she wants it. If I don’t comply, she sends me long inappropriate texts ranting about how I’m such a crappy daughter, manipulates me and treats me like crap. Telling me that “I never come to see her” even though I try to visit for every holiday and family event. I live in a different state for God’s sake!
    I want to talk to someone that has experience dealing with a parent with BPD. Ideally, a mother daughter relationship. Is there any way you can connect me to someone who can help guide me through the steps of what to do? Is there an online support group that meets via video chat like zoom or Skype that I can join? I want to talk to like-minded individuals either on phone, on video chat, or in person. I live in Connecticut and would prefer those methods of communication rather than doing a long text/post exchange.

[Eva123]

For my whole life, I have been struggling with the relationship I have with my mother. She, without a doubt, has undiagnosed BPD and refuses (like most who have this disorder) to seek treatment or effective therapy.
   I am 21 years old and, thankfully, in a position where we do not live in the same household any longer and I live a few hours away from her. I am at a crucial time in my life where I need to be focused on building my career, my relationships— building a life I feel successful with in my adulthood. I feel that she is holding me back from succeeding because I already feel that I failed her. Although I work so hard, she is the first person to tell me I’m not working hard enough. She has pushed me all of my life and now, I am honestly exhausted— I lost touch with my passion, I struggle with depression, and I doubt my talents/abilities. She beat it into me that I am not special although I know that is not true. I want to continue a relationship with her but every time I share a “success story” of mine with her, whether it be my boyfriend and I traveling or me hiring people to grow my business, she tears me down. When I send her pictures of me lounging by the pool, she says “I should come up and visit for a few days so I can just relax by the pool.” I recently went to Nevada to visit the Grand Canyon and and she never once said “have a good time”, instead she asks when I’m coming to visit her. I am just so sick of it being about her, all about her and whatever she wants, and however she wants it. If I don’t comply, she sends me long inappropriate texts ranting about how I’m such a crappy daughter, manipulates me and treats me like crap. Telling me that “I never come to see her” even though I try to visit for every holiday and family event. I live in a different state for God’s sake!
    I want to talk to someone that has experience dealing with a parent with BPD. Ideally, a mother daughter relationship. Is there any way you can connect me to someone who can help guide me through the steps of what to do? Is there an online support group that meets via video chat like zoom or Skype that I can join? I want to talk to like-minded individuals either on phone, on video chat, or in person. I live in Connecticut and would prefer those methods of communication rather than doing a long text/post exchange.

[Tangled mangled]

I have just sent you a text.
I must say, the only advice you will get from me is to run and go no contact.
You are very young and I can imagine the thought of no contact will terrify you. If I had the means to that I would have at 21.

The mother daughter relationship when Bpd is involved is extremely toxic and life draining.
You most likely grew up with little to no motherly live to support you and then soon as she could get supply from you usually around 8yr old , you started taking care of her needs. She started controlling and manipulating you with guilt and shame. You will never be good enough in her eyes and this has nothing to do with you, she will project her insecurities onto you.

I’m so sorry for what you are going through. But I can assure you that after no contact or low contact , you will start your recovery.

[Lilly76]

Hi,

I am a daughter a Mother, who has signs of BP.

I have found books , which helped me to see an exit.

If you want, I can write the title of these books
My experience is (I have many people with Personality Disprder in my Family). Sometimes, it can be the best to cut off the contact. But sometimes we love some of them, in this case I would read books, to get tools to deal with the disorder.

[TelHill]

Hello,

My mom was diagnosed with bpd a few years ago but has had it for as long as I remember.   In my younger days, she would stalk me on the phone and call me many times daily demanding to know what I was doing.  Have been no to low contact after these crazy episodes in my 20s.  I do not tell her personal details which could wind up as being abuse thrown back at me.  My mom refused therapy so these communication modes work for me to keep my sanity.