He’s definitely BPD- now what?

[Tbbeach]

My 35 year old son has wreaked havoc on our life for years. He’s been hospitalized multiple times and never diagnosed. When I reas the book walking in eggshells, like others here, it was spot on. Now what? Do I tell him this is what he is suffering from? He’s a kind (at times) smart kid. Hadn’t been able to work because of all his emotional issues (walked out of a great job previously) Too much to go into here but 2 questions;
1. Do we tell him what we think his diagnosis is. He’s tried therapy (never DBT) but isn’t honest enough for it to work.
2. Does anyone know of a good residential treatment for BPD? He does not abuse drugs and so many are addiction focused.
Thanks

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Leaf56]

Sure tell him you think it's BPD. It won't matter. Maybe he'll agree, maybe he won't. He's not going to have a major revelation and suddenly stop being the way he is. DBT might help. Then again it might not. McLean in Boston area is supposedly the "gold standard" of residential. I would never pay, what is it? $30,000 or $60,000 out of pocket, I don't remember, for one month to send my son to be brainwashed, and we can afford it. That's what I think of these places now. They've lost their way and have no idea what they're doing. I was once a large advocate of mental health help. I am no longer such a person.

[Sancho]

Hi Tbbeach
It sounds as though you have been through the mill so to speak like all of us here! It's so tough isn't it. Can I ask whether ds has been formally diagnosed or whether you have recognised the symptoms and you can see they fit a bpd diagnosis?

For some people with bpd, the symptoms do lessen when they are in their 30s - others not so much. I don't know of any residential places - I suppose it depends where you are but there are none in my neck of the woods. Others here do mention them though so they are around.

YOur ds has been hospitalised many times and I am wondering if any meds have been prescribed and tried? Or does he try them and go off them?

It's interesting you ask whether to mention BPD to your ds. My dd was formally diagnosed many years ago - after two stays in hospital. I don't think she really took in much about what they were saying and never followed up on anything.

Recently I decided I would find an opportunity to mention the connection between her verbal abuse and her diagnosis. I wanted to not dwell on it so included it in a text exchange we were having  . . .' I understand that this verbal abuse of me is a symptom of your BPD but . . . . '

Her response was typically blaming me still but very quiet and measured. I think that she doesn't understand her illness at all ( and others simply, and without any medical let alone psychiatric knowledge, just label her as a bad person).

You know ds better than anyone. Do you think it could help him to understand there could be a condition that explains how he feels and acts?