1charming1
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 5
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« on: March 21, 2024, 11:02:06 PM » |
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I’ve been dating this woman for nearly 4 years and it’s been very confusing. I’m 54 and she is 51. I keep wondering if she has BPD as she has exhibited several traits. She is divorced and I am too.
During the first year we took a trip and she wanted a piercing so we got her one. She complained of the pain from it and made me take her to the er in the middle of the night to have it taken out. When we were leaving the er she had a stone cold look, would not speak to me and then said we were going home and we were through. I was shaken. I didn’t know what to think. On the drive home I tried to talk to her and she said she was going to call 911 so I just drove her home and she told me to not contact her and if I did, she would get a restraining order. Three weeks later I get an email from her apologizing saying that the pain from the piercing and the er bill gave her flashbacks of a guy she dated that was cruel to her and that it had nothing to do with me. We started seeing each other again.
Once when we were at my parents she told them that we were going to get a house together and move. This occurred without discussion with me. So we window shopped homes online but I could not get her to commit to actually contacting a realtor. Then she said she would move by herself that she needed to get out of her hometown because it was nothing but bad memories. She would never discuss those memories other than to tell me that her parents have always taken from her, that her ex husband come out of the closet and told her he was gay and they divorced. That the guy she once dated was cruel and did unmentionable things to her and she caught him cheating, and that she had quit a job she had for 21 years because they demoted her. At different times she said she could never go to restaurants or shopping in her hometown because how it made her feel.
She doesn’t have many friends. In four years I never met any of her friends. In four years I never met her family. She would always say they had strained relationships and because she lived next door to them she would not invite me over. She often flaked on plans we would make such as going to ballgames or anywhere that there would be a big crowd. She has said she has severe anxiety and ptsd. When we would spend time together it would always be at my house or in public at a restaurant an hour away from our hometown. When she was with me and her mother would call her, she always wanted me to be quiet so no one would here me. I always thought that was odd.
She was very meek until she wound drink and then she was a social butterfly. When she drank, she drank a lot and would get loud and act peculiar. I met her once at a restaurant and she had way too much to drink and began going around to tables and talking to total strangers. I didn’t want her to drive but she did anyway and got pulled over but her charges were dropped. She texted me the next day and was at rock bottom and she left for two months to a mental health treatment facility. When she came back she would not discuss what occurred.
We continued to see each other but often times she would make excuses and back out of plans stating she didn’t feel good. The first time she stayed overnight at my place she woke up hysterical in the middle of the night having a panic attack and laid in the floor curled up in a ball. She was very impulsive and when she was drinking, she was more impulsive. When I say impulsive I mean talking to complete strangers when we were out, spending a lot of money on stuff, and was very frisky with me. We took a vacation during the second year and she seemed anxious during the trip especially around crowds. The last evening we were on vacation she had a lot to drink and went to bed. She woke me up in the middle of the night screaming at me and calling me names telling me to take her home now and even threatened to call 911. This of course frightened me and I frantically packed our belongings without saying anything and load us up in car and left for home hoping no one in the hotel heard her. I tried to ask her what was going on and was yelled at and told to stop or she’d call 911. When we got home she told me to never contact her again or she’d get a restraining order.
So this was two times now that she made threats of a restraining order. Three weeks later she texted me a song and sent me an email to meet her at a restaurant we use to go to that she liked. I met her and never said anything about what took place and she started seeing me again. Keep in mind that the only things we did together was go to the park and walk, her come and spend nights at my place, or go out to restaurants that were not in our hometown. She would do nothing in her hometown and would always say she hated it and everyone was fake.
On a Sunday six months ago, she called me which she never does and she was crying. I couldn’t get her to talk and she hung up. She never talked on the phone. It was always texting. The next day she said she was going to be admitted to facility and would be gone for six weeks. She would only get her phone for twenty minutes a week and when she did, she would send me a simple text. She came back a week later than she was suppose to because she said she had a set back due to suicidal episode. I never brought up anything for fear that it would upset her. She would never tell me what was going on other than she had severe anxiety and ptsd.
Two weeks after she was home from facility, we were to meet for lunch and she called me and said the restaurant was closed and she was going on home. I was hungry so since I was already on the road I stopped off to eat. She texted me and said she thought she saw me passing by her on the road and that she didn’t play games or like liars and that we should take a break. I took a pic of myself in the restaurant and even a pic of my receipt and sent to her to show her I was actually eating and she didn’t see me on the road. Everything seemed ok with her then. We made plans to meet for dinner at her favorite restaurant and she had several drinks while there. I told her she needed to sober up and she could not drive like that. She agreed and got in my vehicle and said to take her shopping. She was very frisky with me in public in the store. She began loading up her buggy and I’m convinced that she spent well over $1500 in that store dispute me asking her if she was paying attention to prices. Once I felt she was sober, I took her to her car. Now she is very ocd about being clean and cannot stand for folks to park beside her car. She gets down and looks allover her car to make sure there was no scratches. She then kisses me goodbye and I tell her I will follow her to make sure she’s safe. I lose her in traffic. When I get home I send her a text making sure she got home. She texts me back cussing me and hurting my feelings telling me it’s my fault that she spent so much money and I shouldn’t have allowed her to drink and drive and tells me to never contact her. I’m all shook up again. She was completely sober when she left as it had been many hours and I made sure she could walk and straight line before even allowing her. Of course deep down I know that was her anxiety speaking.
A week goes by and I texted her and she apologized and said she should not have drunk with the medication her doctor had her on. Keep in mind I do not know here diagnoses or type of medication she is on. Last month she came over and we celebrated her birthday and she opened all her gifts I got her at my place. Once again she drank for several hours and was frisky and did something unusual that I had never seen. She had me take her to a store and she got a pack of cigarettes and within two hours had chain smoked 13 cigarettes. During the middle of the night she woke up very sick, probably from all of those cigarettes; and I took care of her. The next day she was very affectionate. She asked me to call my brother who she had never met and she talked to him for several minutes and told him to plan for her and me to come visit him in a few weeks. She then got her stuff and went back to her home.
Two days later she texted me and said she was going to Ohio for a couple of weeks to visit her cousin. I text her back and told her I would miss her deeply. The next morning I sent her a text and told her I loved her and to have a safe trip. She text me back and stated she was at a crossroads with many things. She stated that she was not where I am with this relationship. She stated that I always wanted more. She stated that she had private stuff she needed to work on in her own time. She stated that she couldn’t handle the pressure I bring. She stated she was going out of town for a couple weeks to get away from it all including me. That she needs her space. She stated she wanted no contact from me whatsoever unless she decided to contact me. She stated for me to not drive by her house that she wanted no contact. And if I did I wound have consequences and that she would get a restraining order. She stated for me to take care and not respond to her text. Keep in mind this is the third time in nearly four years that she has threatened me with a restraining order. This completely breaks me because I did nothing except live and accept her.
It’s now been 30 days and I have not heard from her. I do t see how I’ve smothered her. We are lucky if we see each other twice a month. We did text every day but it was only like twice a day. I know she has sone sort of mental health disorder going on but I can’t put my finger on it. I love this woman. I’ve read all of the traits of BPD but don’t actually know if she has that or has it with other dissorders mused in. She is unpredictable, impulsive, drinks a lot when we are together, has depression, anxiety, ptsd, has anyone else encountered this? Do you think she will reach out to me?
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