I spoke to her for over an hour while I was driving here today.
TP,
An hour long conversation while driving in a potentially distracted manner is very generous of your time.
I offered to video call or phone call earlier but she didn’t want to.
Knowing your situation, this sounds like a 'win' appreciate the sound of silence before you have to go back to the dysregulation in a few days time.
I’ve gone to bed early to talk to her but ironically she’s ignoring me now. I think I’ve got this. I’m not upset, I’m just wanting to handle her predictable behaviour in the best possible way for the least amount of fall out. At least she can’t come into the room and shout at me like she does at home sometimes.
It sounds like you 'got this' - keep this going - sounds like you are enforcing your boundaries in a good way. Let's hope it is not the 'quiet' before the storm when you return. Even if it is, use the tools to stop her dysregulation by not JADE, and speak with empathy and validate only her feelings.
I’m hoping that I’ve again unlocked the level where I have more important stuff on my mind and she literally lays off the drama because she knows there’s no point. Always hoping.
I hope so too. If she realizes, that she cannot get you triggered, she may back off - I know my wife has backed off when she realizes she can no longer trigger me.
She is incessant with the texts and as I said I have little to say.
Keep it BIFF in your responses, so she cannot flood you with the details you supplied to her. Also, set a boundary, I am doing _______ with my dad & mum, I will get back to you at xx:xx time, and make sure you text her back at or a few minutes before that time (not after). So if you think you will be free at 9:30 pm, tell her you will text her at 10 pm. That way if you run a few minutes late let say to 9:45, that still gives you a few minutes before you respond.
She is basically upset and angry that I’ve “abandoned” her and no amount of communication is going to change that, so I can give my all to this time with my parents.
Do spend all of your time with your parents. Let her know you are, and when you will get back to her, similar to to example above.
A few years ago I used to be ruled by her every second I wasn’t with her, even at work I’d have my phone on me when I wasn’t allowed. She did text me back this evening and we had a little chat, she didn’t want to talk about the terrible day she apparently had, but wanted to tell me about dyeing her hair. She managed to do this whilst looking after the kids and also saved £200+ so I’m very pleased about that

.
Same here, every waking moment of every day, I suspect similar to being 'ruled by her every second', my wife wanted me to appease her by doing her love language of 'service' - at the time when I announced self-care, she attempted suicide, now I have pretty much levelled the playing field and have forced 50/50 reciprocity instead of the way off balance 100/1 effort.
You might want to validate her saving 200 quid.
She doesn’t want to know about my day or my parents but I don’t mind, I no longer expect her to show any interest in that and tbh it’s easier if she doesn’t because it just gives her more things to be jealous and upset about.
I've noticed mine is more concerned about herself, and by extension our children too, but really doesn't make too much effort about asking about my day, even though she has done this a little bit as a result of couple's therapy, but it is sporadic at best, and only when she feels like it.
If you can, I would suggest give this site a break for the two days you are visiting your parents, and enjoy your time with them, especially your dad as you suspect he doesn't have much more time to share.
Take care.
SD