>New bpd family member

[rockinghorse]

Hi all.
There is a family member on my partners fathers side who we have never met. He is so vile he was not allowed in my partners house growing up, until his mother died- or so the family legend goes!!! My partners comes from dysfunctional family. When I lived with them briefly it was strikingly like my own family.
His father is very covert in that seems pleasant enough. Stroppy just below the surface. Belligerent selfish defiant if anything goes wrong- he says he'll do something but won't. You feel like you need to ask him not to do a thing and he will. This is in relation to his own healthcare.  He in his 80s.
Enter his brother (70s)whose relationship has fallen through and decided to move in with my partners dad a few weeks ago. The house is in a terrible state partners dad having falls.
We get a call from partners dad that we need to come urgently so we go- 8 hours travelling.
The uncle gives us a tirade of problems- mostly his own. no one is actually dying or at immeadiate risk.
So I roll my sleeves up to help with tidying in kitchen. Uncle has a melt down splits and has a little psychotic 'burp'. Puts his hands over his ears and says 'stop saying these crazy things' but I wasn't talking!! My sisters do that - so does my partner. Auditory hallucinations! I learnt through work-  just keep quiet and it will pass- hopefully. Any room in the house but not in kitchen! My personal rule!!
He calms down I give up on cleaning. Try a different strategy. Getting a cleaner in! Use L.E.T. from 'I hate you Don't leave me' I tell my partner who has fled the scene at the time.
The house has a full cm of dust on everything apart from 1 book in his dad's bed room. How to deal with a bully! So sad.
He wants his brother to move in to look after him!!!! And he has been looking for soluions through self help. His brother had meltdown in doctors office hes just looking to live rent free till he sells his house.
I suggest to my partner i'll stay and help social sevices get urgent support in. - he splits has a little psychotic burp. So i end up travelling 8 hours home! Cos partner wants to go to work and he wants me to  travel with him. Not cool!! I have several health conditions i can't drive for  8 hours!I've been in bed with a roaring fever. We both needed the extra day! He's superbusy at work,not coping with stress! Has massve work insecurity but boss is really nice!
 His Last night his dad was shouting and clinically confused his brother called  emergency service cos he needs his sleep! He was up for 4 hours shouting down the phone! Couldn't do anything anyway no urgent medical need.
His dad is basically not allowed to move out of his chair.  And his usually self soothing behaviors like getting up watching TV, listening to music on radio annoys his brother. He loves to cook bit mostly eat! Refreshing In 82 Yr old. But brother wot have it! Needs total control. My partner has undiagnosed BPD. When I was diagnosed with MS my partner wouldn't belive me he said he thought had MS.!? After 2 years I dragged into neurologist office to see my scans! Even then he needed to see my name date of birth on scan to believe it.
A similar thing is happening with his dad. Between him and his uncle his dad's health is gonna be difficult for them to accept. He may have dementia but it's muddied by BPD (or similar) mental health. Rule out the physical before jumping to conclusions hopefully
Maybe I can help maybe I can't.
I'll try and get involved when social services assess.
I wish they could put mental health service in but no one is seeking it. Just to diffuse. Give dad a bit of support.
I know I'm not the only person on here dealing with this! I don't now how you do it. Hats off to you all.