Hi, I'm currently seeking a psychologist regarding my mental health. I'm in a relationship with someone who was BPD tendencies and I'm trying to break this off and leave. My self esteem has been destroyed, I once managed to leave years ago but was manipulated and found myself dragged back into it. I freeze and feel paralysed at trying to speak and get the words out that we need to separate. Has anyone else felt like this? How did they get through it? How did they break it off. I read other articles that talk about people who have already left but nothing about the act itself. Last time I just took off without a word, I couldn't take it anymore and she followed me. I don't think I could do that to her again but for both our sakes we need to end this.
Sounds like you don’t have children involved.
What you did the first time, leaving without explanations would be my preferred choice if I was in your shoes. I’m female going through divorce and can remember being in the state you currently are in rn.
It may sound cowardly and appears immature but ask yourself this one question what did you ever gain from explaining and over explaining your decisions/choices/ actions/ POV to your pwbpd. All that does is give her all the power and control in the relationship. Remember that the end of the relationship would be as chaotic as the relationship itself no matter what you do. Going away quietly would be more effective, costing less emotional stress, and energy.
Explaining is enabling, she was able to convince you to comeback because she had access to you still. I’m sure she’s continued to blame you for leaving previously that’s why you feel it’s wrong to leave same way as you did then. What you did then was effective and this time I would add an extra layer of no access to communication or limited access through email.
Take care and I wish you all the best.
