Positive counseling session then negative mediation

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Ugh! Had a good therapy session so I thought. Discussed custody, discussed assets thoight we made real progress.

Then spoke to the mediator where she denied ever even discussing those things..

She still says she will mediate but she wants a lawyer there.. i said fine can you speak to some tomorrow... "Don't tell me what to do I will do it when I am ready.... stop acting like my father"

If I file this will get messy and expensive as will trigger her. If I don't file I am stuck on the merry go around. She wants to know why the rush, lets do it over 3 or 6 months.

She says she doesnt want an expensive fight. But the actions point to the opposite...

I don't feel like she will negotiate in good faith. Even if she does one day, feels like next day she will roll it all back.

[CravingPeace]

Ugh! Had a good therapy session so I thought. Discussed custody, discussed assets thoight we made real progress.

Then spoke to the mediator where she denied ever even discussing those things..

She still says she will mediate but she wants a lawyer there.. i said fine can you speak to some tomorrow... "Don't tell me what to do I will do it when I am ready.... stop acting like my father"

If I file this will get messy and expensive as will trigger her. If I don't file I am stuck on the merry go around. She wants to know why the rush, lets do it over 3 or 6 months.

She says she doesnt want an expensive fight. But the actions point to the opposite...

I don't feel like she will negotiate in good faith. Even if she does one day, feels like next day she will roll it all back.

[ForeverDad]

Filing will get the ball rolling, so to speak.  Letting her move at her pace, then nothing will get done, worse, there will always be excuses, denial, blaming, blame shifting, more time for her to sabotage you with allegations, frame you for mischief, etc.

Are you getting your ducks in a row?  Selected an experienced,proactive lawyer who can go to court and handle trials, if need be?  Have you secured vital documents, your passport, children's passports, IDs, titles, deeds, etc?  Have you made copies of all other important documents such as financial statements, etc?

Also, if your children aren't already benefiting from counseling services, get them started.  If your spouse objects, then that's another item to include in the divorce filing.  (My lawyer stated, "Courts love counseling!")  In any case, schools have counselors, so ensure the schools are aware of the heightened discord and can be there for the children's needs.

[CravingPeace]

Thank you , yes I di have an attorney. But no retainer paid. She is saying she just wants a lawyer with her at nediation so she understands everything not necessarily pay a retainer. She what we pay on legals comes out of her pot too.

I just don't know if we can mediate this up front, or I should just file.

I haven't done any thing about documents. She actually suggested kids therapy so she is supportive on that .

That said she has said she will not go back to the marraige therapist becausr she is "against her" . I mean to be fair thr therapist has a Masters, and used to work in phyc evaluations and spotted troibling behaviour right away ehich she called my wife out on. Anyway stbXF wants another therapist. I have said no until we are in mediation

[CravingPeace]

Is there an edit button? Sorry I realize writing on my phone in haste means my messages are hard to follow.

[ForeverDad]

An alert here... is she okay with the kids getting counseling if YOU vet experienced counselors and select one?  If so, then proceed.  However, I suspect she will insist she select the counselor, one who will agree with her perceptions, POV and demands?

As for edits, maybe but possibly not, only if there is a paper & pencil icon in the lower right hand of your post.

[kells76]

(unfortunately the edit function for members was affected in a hack last fall -- functionality only, no security issues. Apparently it is not a fast or easy fix, so feel free to PM any staff member your desired edits for typos/clarity/privacy, and we can help!)

[CravingPeace]

An alert here... is she okay with the kids getting counseling if YOU vet experienced counselors and select one?  If so, then proceed.  However, I suspect she will insist she select the counselor, one who will agree with her perceptions, POV and demands?

Interesting I hadn't thought about this. I would have to suggest this. Currently she was looking for them but having no luck as they are busy. I will make sure I am involved in briefing them. Currently her friends and advisers have told her (she says) that our marriage therapist is unprofessional /biased, obviously based on her one sided story to her multiple advisors (she would not name). I tried to tell her we met the therapist at the same time how could she be biased and unprofessional. She said well I don't know if you had met her before.... I really think she thinks there is some conspiracy going on. The same thing happened years ago when she didnt like the therapist saying she had something wrong. Honestly feeling really sad and hopeless at the moment and stuck.

[CravingPeace]

(unfortunately the edit function for members was affected in a hack last fall -- functionality only, no security issues. Apparently it is not a fast or easy fix, so feel free to PM any staff member your desired edits for typos/clarity/privacy, and we can help!)

Thanks Kells. I wonder if its people with BPD who get triggered and hack this site.