I am new to this forum and am standing up for the first time to say, I need help

[Standing Bear]

I need help.My daughter has been diagnosed with BPD, OCD, ADHD and Bulimia on top of dyslexia and dyscalculia.
I am her primary support, financially, socially and emotionally. She is 22yrs old and struggles to hold down a job. She has urges to self harm by cutting constantly even though after much therapy we have been able to reduce. What is currently the most difficult for me is that I am so isolated due to her needs sabotaging my social life for years and I chose to be unpartnered for the last 9 yrs to be there for her in the tricky developmental years - afraid to look for another partner after the disaster of the previous relationship and clashes between my daughter and partner. I work in the caring profession so feel very emotionally burdened. On top of that I also live with my adult son 23yrs and his wife who are both autistic (high functioning) - this means much of the organisation in the house falls on me. But there is always conflict between my daughter’s symptoms and my son’s due to the differential diagnosis. Their father has a profile like my daughters and he is very selfish, cold and cruel and isn’t supportive at all. I no longer speak with him due to his abusive communication.
I don’t know how to start to get my life back and feel anxious all the time. I work hard at empathically setting boundaries however my daughter will disregard them to suit herself and I couldn’t bear to see her homeless as she is already using sex work to get money because she can’t keep a job.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[js friend]

Hi standing bear,

 When my udd lived at home (in between running away) it was total chaos. I worked but had no social life as my concerns were always around udd and always rushed back home after work. I really felt that I was losing myself and that my life was no longer my own, but little by little I began to realise that I needed to invest in me too and  do things that would take me out of my home so I joined a few groups in my area that seemed interesting.  I also went on day trips and also took a few college classes and even managed to get a few new qualifications admist the eternal chaos of my home at the time. Even just going for a walk in the fresh air to clear your mind has lots of benefits. Get yourself back out there Standing Bear inorder to reclaim your life!

[Standing Bear]

Thank you js friend

I like the word ‘invest’ … I need to get better at that balance. You struck a chord when you said my home no longer felt like mine. I often dread coming home and not knowing what I am walking in to or what I will need to face.

I have lost many prospective friends due to the chaos that surrounds me and feel a little hesitant to let others into my life as most people don’t want the burden. Even family create a wide berth around us.

I guess if I start doing things for me and sharing me, I will slowly rebuild connections that I can enjoy just for me. Now that’s a new prospective!

Thank you again, it is helpful to have encouragement and understanding from people who know first hand how stressful and hard it can be.