Wired for Joy - Laurel Mellin

[charred]

Wired for Joy: A Revolutionary Method for Creating Happiness from Within Author: Laurel Mellin Publisher: Hay House; 1st edition (June 15, 2010) Paperback: 240 pages ISBN-10: 1401925863 ISBN-13: 978-1401925864

Book Description
An amazing amount of problems in life and with a relationship with a pwBPD can be attributed to stress and how we react to it. Laurel identifies 5 levels of stress from joy (none and in the moment) down to totally stressed out... .shows the connection to the basic part of the brain in control ... . and then how to move from stressed out beyond belief (reptilian)... up through the levels to joy.

My T told me to buy the book and read it as homework, and that I would like it since I am analytical and he was right.

The 5 states, it turns out, are pretty obvious.  I can't always say which one I am in, but there is no question they are good descriptions of most my waking experiences.  The tools to change states are simple and I believe work.

From page 135: "What does a responsive parent do when a child is in Joy? Enjoy and extend it. In Balance? Check feelings and needs. When the child is a little stressed? Elicit negative, and then positive, emotions. What about when stress mounts? Encourage talking about it, then expressing negative feelings, and finally finding a reasonable expectation to guide you through the upset, and to learn from. What about a full blown tantrum? Damage control and reassurance that it will pass."

That is the key advice that is tied to crystal clear descriptions of various waking states we have with varying degrees of stress, and how to navigate them.

I have a bookshelf full of books for trying to figure out how to deal with issues from my family of origin and I think the key strategies are in the book. Most of us are not stuck in a state of joy or balance on these boards, we are stressed/really stressed and there is very simple suggestions for getting a grip and getting in a better place of balance, or even being happy again.

Read her book The Pathway. It is simpler and far more detailed, probably a better starting point than Wired for Joy.  I found it to be a good guide on what to do, while Wired for Joy is a good intellectual explanation and model of how people act under stress and a simpler treatment of what to do about it. If you read Wired for Joy, you are left thinking there has to be more to it and a better explanation and there is, it's in the other book.

About The Author
Mellin is a health author and an Associate Clinical Professor of Family and Community Medicine and Pediatrics at the University of California, San Francisco's School of Medicine.  Sh has written five books focusing on health and weight loss, including The New York Times Best Seller, The Pathway.

Mellin is also the founder of Emotional Brain Training in San Rafael, California. She directs the national research coordinating center for emotional brain training (EBT) in UCSF’s Center for Health and Community, and she has authored two best-selling books on EBT.  Mellin has conducted research on the method and has trained psychologists, physicians, and other health professionals to use the tools in their practices.  She also directs the nonprofit organization The Institute for Health Solutions, which certifies health professionals in EBT.

[Surnia]

Thank you for sharing this, Charred. 

Sounds very interesting. Its also available as kindle, I will take a closer look at it.

[charred]

Thank you for sharing this, Charred. 

Sounds very interesting. Its also available as kindle, I will take a closer look at it.

Read her book "The Pathway"... . it is simpler and far more detailed... probably a better starting point than "Wired for Joy",, I found it to be a good guide on what to do, while the "Wired for Joy" is a good intellectual explanation and model of how people act under stress and a simpler treatment of what to do about it. If you read "Wired for Joy"... you are left thinking there has to be more to it and a better explanation... and there is, its in the other book.

Did read a more BPD centric book last week... has the absolute best explanation of how a BPD person thinks and gets to be that way (the psychology of it) ever read. Its called "The Search for the Real Self" by James F Masterson, M.D.  He covers false self (egoic) vs real self and how BPD and NPD are disorders that come about from messed up development and denial of the real self in favor of false ego oriented thinking and actions. Still concludes the arrested development happens by about 3 yrs of age... but has a lot of other good psychological insights, about the lack of object constancy in pwBPD. Surprising one for me was describing worrying as being a popular diversion psychologically, as it makes you feel like you are doing something about a problem/situation without having to actually do anything and deal with the problem. The chapter "Portrait of the Borderline" is excellent. He goes on to explain what needs to happen in therapy (getting them to grow up and get past the developmental stages they skipped)... and why it is very difficult and rarely happens, but is possible. A therapist would probably like that part, I concluded from the excellent description of BPD that my view that my pwBPD (that she is toxic for me and a waste of any further of my time/life)... is correct.

I don't think we can chase a false self, or live happily with one, ... . and I don't think a false hope of things working out well with a severely stunted partner with BPD is the way to go either. It is good to read something that shores up my thoughts when I get to denying reality and wanting her back though.