Getting Past the Affair Author: Douglas K. Snyder, PhD, Donald H. Baucom, PhD, Kristina Coop Gordon, PhD Publisher: The Guilford Press; 1st edition (January 6, 2007) Paperback: 342 pages ISBN-10: 157230801X ISBN-13: 978-1572308015

Book Description
Discovering that a partner has been unfaithful is devastating. Long after the first jolt, emotional aftershocks can make it difficult to be there for your family, manage your daily life, and think clearly about your options.

Whether you want to end the relationship or piece things back together, this is a primer to guide you through the initial trauma so you can understand what happened before deciding how to move forward. Based on the only program that’s been tested--and proven--to relieve destructive emotions in the wake of infidelity, this compassionate book offers support and expert advice. If you stay with your spouse, you’ll find realistic tips for rebuilding your marriage and restoring trust. But no matter which path you choose, you’ll discover effective ways to recover personally, avoid lasting scars, and pursue healthier relationships in the future.

It did not seem to matter, to me, that the therapist told me that the affair was part of her disordered behavior, or she claimed it was ‘going off the deep end hormonally. BPD or no BPD, it still hurt. This book helped me get past pain by focusing on flashbacks, triggers and setting boundaries. When those reasonable boundaries were critiqued as 'being controlling' and ignored  I started to suspect BPD.

The sections about examining your relationship and if you should stay or not probably won’t apply when dealing with a BPD spouse. There are so many other issues to be considered, but the passages about how to take care of yourself and surviving infidelity are very relevant.

About the Author
Douglas K. Snyder, PhD, is Professor of Psychology and Director of Clinical Training at Texas A&M University. He received the American Psychological Association’s award for Distinguished Contributions to Family Psychology for his research on marital satisfaction and therapy. He lives in College Station, Texas, where he also has a private practice.

Donald H. Baucom, PhD, is Professor of Psychology at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill. His research, funded in part by the National Institutes of Health, focuses on couples and marriage. He lives in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, and was ranked as one of the top marital therapists and researchers in the United States by Good Housekeeping’s national survey of mental health professionals.

Kristina Coop Gordon, PhD, is Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of Tennessee. Her research focuses on forgiveness, infidelity, and couple therapy. In addition to her academic work, she lives and maintains a private practice in Knoxville, Tennessee.