Children learn what they live...

[marlo6277]

When I bought my house (2.5 yrs ago), the previous ppl left some stuff behind for me to dispose of. (how thoughtful   )

HOWEVER, in the laundry room, there was a pce of yellowed paper taped next to where the washer is.  I have chosen to leave it taped there until we get around to reno-ing the laundry room.  Every time I have to do laundry, I read this pce of yellowed paper. (And that is several times a week!) It helps to remind me what I CAN do for my skids.  And I can't help but feel that perhaps it was fate that left that pce of paper there for me to read given the situation my skids are in with their BPD mom.

I thought I would share it all with you, not knowing where exactly to post it... .

So here is what is says:

Children Learn What They Live... .

If a child lives with criticism, He learns to condemn

If a child lives with hostility, He learns to fight

If a child lives with ridicule, He learns to be shy

If a child lives with shame, He learns to feel guilty

If a child lives with tolerance, He learns to be patient

If a child lives with encouragement, He learns confidence

If a child lives with praise, He learns to appreciate

If a child lives with fairness, He learns justice

If a child lives with security, He learns to have faith

If a child lives with approval, He learns to like himself

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.

(no author listed)

 

Marlo

[haley]

Thank you for posting this poem. My situation involves my employer, who I believe to be undiagnosed BPD. I take care of her child in her home. I worry so much about what he lives with, and I'm struggling with what I can do for him within the boundaries of protecting my own mental health. I worry especially about messages he is internalizing about what "normal" socialization and "normal" displays of emotion look like. I know he's witnessed scary and confusing things. My heart goes out to him.

[DreamGirl]

I remember seeing this before and just love that you shared your story in finding it... . 

I feel like that the weight of the positive can help alleviate the negative?

Like these kiddos will take from their childhood and learn to have patience... .tolerance... .acceptance... .perhaps even extending it to the mom who just couldn't quite be the mom they wanted her to be.

I am so happy that you shared this, Marlo... .  x

~DreamGirl

[DreamGirl]

You know... .my husband, I think as a self soothing technique when it comes to the BPD influence on his daughters, will often say "you can learn as much from a bad example as you can a good one... .learning how you don't want to be... ."

I have a great hope that they'll be able to do just that. 

  DreamGirl

[marlo6277]

"you can learn as much from a bad example as you can a good one... .learning how you don't want to be... ."

You know DG ~ Ppl have often asked me why I am so good with kids (My DHs family, the ppl I used to babysit for, etc... .And I'm sure that my father has a PD of some sort.  I can say I didn't have the best childhood, but I can say that I always used that line.  I am how I am with kids because I learned how not to be.

[dutchie]

This is very inspiring, hugs to you 

[Buffie]

The World needs more people like you: kind, warm, articulate, with big hearts willing to help others.  I shudder to call experiences with a BPD beneficial, but if you gain a big heart that helps others along, and you live a life that's emotionally sustainable, then good on ya! I say.   x

[Grieving_Sister]

How very true.

[hellnback]

I am printing that one and hanging it in my laundry room too. Thanks for that.

This is one that I have next to my alarm clock.

If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again

If I had my child to raise over again,

I'd finger paint more, and point the finger less.

I'd do less correcting, and more connecting.

I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.

I would care to know less, and know to care more.

I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.

I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.

I'd run through more fields, and gaze at more stars.

I'd do more hugging, and less lugging.

I would be firm less often and affirm much more.

I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.

I'd teach less about the love of power,

and more about the power of love.

~Diane Loomans