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Parents! Get help here!
Saying "I need help" is a huge first step. Here is what to do next.
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Author Topic: LESSONS: What can a parent do?  (Read 51078 times)
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« on: March 03, 2010, 09:56:18 PM »


 
Parents are often the most motivated of all of our communities to work through the trials and tribulations of an emotionally sensitive loved one who may be suffering from BPD - no one wants to walk away from their child.
 
The following articles and workshop discussions are intended to follow the basic principles of the Family Connections program developed by the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder (NEABPD) and similar programs developed by NAMI.
 
The objectives of the first three lessons are to (1) help build a better understanding of the struggles our child faces, (2) to be aware that our parenting skills may have eroded in all the conflict with our loved one and encourage an attitude change, and (3) to teach the skills needed to improve the relationship and provide a supportive environment for the entire family.  The final two lessons provide help with specific complex situations that typical families often do not encounter.
 
This collection of materials are for members with a child, teen, or adult suffering from BPD. Some of the workshops were originally developed for romantic partners as we are a multifaceted community, but the basic principles apply to all.
 
Take each unit slowly and when you are ready, ask questions and post your thoughts. Not everything will apply to your specific situation, but much of it will.  We also encourage you to pick up a foundational book (click here)
 
We look forward to working with you, side by side. Please know that everyone here cares.
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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
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« Reply #1 on: March 04, 2010, 07:03:25 PM »

Lesson 1
Understand and be aware of your child's emotional limitations

 
Objective: Comprehending your child's struggles is the first step in constructively dealing with them.
 
From the time our child first drew breath, our hopes and dreams were that they would have a happy and healthy life. As they grew, there were signs that something wasn't right, but we kept hoping that they would grow out of it. Sadly, things just seemed to get worse. All the parenting books had advice, but it rarely worked. Our child's behavior is out of control because they suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder or traits of the disorder. Understanding the limitations our children have can help us accept them as they are while we learn the skills needed to improve our relationship.
 
Directions: Read through the following workshops. They were developed with real life stories and examples to help others gain valuable knowledge. While they workshops were developed with partners in mind - not parents- you can easily see how the dynamics are similar in that the motivation is the same - to stop making things worse and begin to make them better.
 
BPD Overview and Documentary - Back From the Edge
 
The symptoms of BPD can occur in a variety of combinations, and individuals with the disorder have many, if not all of the following traits: fears of abandonment, extreme mood swings, difficulty in relationships, unstable self-image, difficulty managing emotions, impulsive behavior, self-injuring acts, suicidal ideation, transient psychotic episodes. Watch this 48 minute video. Back From the Edge offers guidance on treating Borderline Personality Disorder.
Video: https://bpdfamily.com/content/treatment-borderline-personality-disorder
 
BPD - What is it? How can I tell?
 
BPD 102 - The disorder is determined by evaluating lifelong behavior patterns. This workshop is about defining BPD and how to reasonably determine if someone in your life has significant traits of a personality disorder. Read more.
https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-borderline-personality-disorder
 
VIDEO and checklist of symptoms of BPD
 
Are you trying to determine if someone in your life may suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder? This eight minute video is a good starting point. You will soon find out, however, that this is a complex question. There are no simple behavioral checklists; no definitive tests. Identifying Borderline Personality Disorder requires having a working knowledge of the disorder and some insight into the past life of the person in question... See the video and the standard checklists.
 https://bpdfamily.com/content/borderline-personality-symptoms-diagnostics
 
Adolescence and Borderline Personality Disorder
 
What is the difference between otherwise normal adolescence behavior and adolescence behavior associated with Borderline Personality Disorder?  Borderline Personality Disorder is not often diagnosed in adolescence, however adult patients with this diagnosis often explain that symptoms began in early childhood.  
 Video: https://goo.gl/xKm7IB
 
BPD - Is it really BPD? Could it be something more?
 
BPD 200 - Mental illnesses are not simple and straight forward, there are often overlapping symptoms and afflictions. This discussion is about exploring the BPD, other personality disorders, and co-morbidity. Read more.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=58157
 
BPD behavior - Poor executive control
 
At the core of BPD is rejection sensitivity and poor executive control.  Rejection sensitivity is easy to understand, executive control is a bit more complex. Executive functions and cognitive control are terms used by psychologists and neuroscientists to describe a loosely defined collection of brain processes whose role is to guide thought and behavior in accordance with a persons goals or plans. Read more.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=79702
 
BPD Behaviors: Understanding the borderline mind--How it feels to have BPD
 
For a person with the disorder, understand the reasoning behind the actions. The pw BPD is not reacting to the situation at hand - to what's happening then and there and now - but to either something that had happened in the past, or to a kind of ready-reference list of beliefs about the world, which was usually learned in childhood.  Read more.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=67059
 
BPD Behaviors: Objectifying the Non-partner
 
We all know neediness is common with BPD... Distrust of others' motives (especially if the person with BPD was sexually abused) lends a coloring to all personal interactions: fear is a self-centered emotion, a defense mechanism. Neediness and fear are all about what is happening to the person, and they leave little room for empathy or even awareness of anyone else's needs. Read more.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=87006
 
BPD Behaviors: Emotional immaturity
 
Immature people often demand immediate gratification. They cannot wait. They may seem thoughtless and impulsive. They may be loyal only while you are useful. The emotional impulsiveness (lack of executive control) results in chaotic social and financial lives. Read more.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=60935
 
BPD Behaviors: Fear of intimacy
 
Is a fear of intimacy part of BPD? Fear of abandonment is so intense in pwBPD that they often can't bear to get too emotionally close because that would make the pain even more intense if they were abandoned. Read more.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=79300
 
BPD Behaviors: Projection
 
Projection is a defense mechanism, operating unconsciously, in which what is emotionally unacceptable in the self is unconsciously rejected and attributed (projected) to others.  Projection is denying one's own unpleasant traits, behaviors, or feelings by attributing them, often in an accusing way, to someone else.  Read more.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=70931
 
BPD Behaviors: Splitting
 
Splitting is a powerful unconscious force that manifests to protect against anxiety. Rather than providing real protection, splitting leads to destructive behavior and turmoil, and the often confused reactions by those who try to help.  Some degree of splitting is an expectable part of early mental development. It is seen in young children who, early on, press to be told "Is it good?" or "Is it bad?" Read more.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=62033
 
BPD Behaviors: Dissociation and dysphoria
 
Dissociation is a psychological state or condition in which certain thoughts, emotions, sensations, or memories are separated from the rest of a person’s psyche. This is sometimes referred to as "splitting."  Read more.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=68392
 
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« Reply #2 on: March 04, 2010, 07:03:35 PM »

Lesson 2
If your current approach is not working, change it!

 
Objective: Adjust our thinking and change our approach to gain a healthier relationship with our child.
 
As parents, we are our child's first teacher.  As they grew up, they weren't fitting the label of "normal", and our attempts to help made it worse. No matter how hard we tried, we couldn't seem to control them. We couldn't get them to see their mistakes.  No matter what we did, we could not change their thinking errors or stop their self destructive behaviors.  The more out of control they became the more out of control we felt.  If only we had known how much their ability to improve depended on our skills to lead them.
 
Directions: Read through the following workshops. They were developed with real life stories and examples to help others gain valuable knowledge. While the workshops were developed with partners in mind - not parents- you can easily see how the dynamics are similar in that the motivation is the same - to understand what part we play.
 
Tools: The Do's and Don'ts for a BPD relationship
 
It takes a great deal of strength to have a child who suffers from BPD and not be emotionally injured by it.  A person in a weak emotional state, who feels wounded/abused, or depressed is likely to be consumed by the drama of the relationship, can be confused by the intense rages and idealization, and finding their self worth in decline.  If you chose this path, you've got to be very strong and very balanced.  Other important points: Realistic Expectations; Accepting the Role of "Emotional Caretaker"; Protection; Preserve Your Emotional Health; Understanding Your Motivations. Read about these key points.
 https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=62266

Change your attitude:

 
Triggering and Mindfulness and Wise Mind
 
What is mindfulness all about?  In the simplest sense, we all develop from time to time, thinking patterns that do not serve us well.  When we do, we are easily "triggered" -- having non-constructive reactions to specific words or actions based on prior experiences.  We've all been there - resentment, pessimism, defensiveness, impatience, closed mindedness, distrusting, intolerance, confrontational, defeated...  Mindfulness is a type of self-awareness in which we learn to observe ourselves in real time and balance our intellectual and emotional mind. Read more...
https://bpdfamily.com/content/triggering-and-mindfulness-and-wise-mind
 
Resentments are often justified - but are they helpful?
 
So how does a little venting hurt us?  When we are resentful, we try to balance the wrongs we feel by justifying, arguing, defending, and explaining ourselves.  We may pull rank, cut them off, or refuse to listen to them. We can shut the door to communication with them which engenders anger and further resentment all around. Do we cling to a futile need to be right or be superior, which overrides our capacity to heal and to make healthy changes.  Are we getting consumed by our anger, or are we using our anger productively as a sign, that something needs to change?  Read more...
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=135831
 
Ease your pain by re-framing your thoughts:
 
Three Minute Therapy distinguishes clearly between two very different types of difficulties: practical problems and emotional problems. Your flawed behavior, unfair treatment by others, and undesirable situations, represent practical problems. Regrettably, your human tendency is to upset yourself about these practical problems, thereby unnecessarily creating a second order of problems — emotional suffering. Read more on The ABC Method of The Three Minute Therapy by Michael R. Edelstein, PhD
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=137440
 
Get out of the FOG
 
Susan Forward, PhD coined the acronym FOG to stand for fear, obligation, and guilt - three vulnerabilities that an emotional blackmailer manipulates, and 3 vulnerabilities that most of us can't figure out how to escape.These are normal, often helpful, feelings can be debilitating if we can't recognize when they are being manipulated.
https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog
 
Believe in yourself
 
I think believing in yourself means knowing that you are doing the right thing. As easy as that sounds, sometimes it can be a struggle.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=78298
 
Change your approach:
 
How do we become more empathetic to the pwBPD in our life?
 
Empathy is one of the main components of emotional intelligence. Empathy is the experience of understanding another person's condition from their perspective. The problem most of us face with "empathy" isn’t the awareness of the importance of the skill - it is not knowing how to do it. This workshop is about empathy skills development and tips.  Read more.
https://bpdfamily.com/content/listen-with-empathy
 
The dysfunctional dance-self inflicted wounds
 
Many of us are in oppressive relationships with our self esteem eroding... what part of this "abuse" is self inflicted? How do we contribute to the dysfunctional dance?  Margaret Paul, Ph.D. says "we are being victims anytime we give another person the power to define our worth. We are being victims anytime we blame another for our feelings of fear, anger, hurt, aloneness, jealousy, disappointment, and so on."   Learn more.  
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=66672
 
Are you an enabler?
 
Do you give too much? Do you do too much? Do you know when to say NO? Our desire to rescue and save our loved ones is strong. We find satisfaction in helping others. When does this desire to help become unhealthy?
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=95263
 
Accept your reality:
 
Radical acceptance for family members
 
Radical acceptance was developed by Marsha Linehan, PhD.  from the University of Washington (see article) and is based on the ancient Zen philosophy that each moment is complete by itself, and that the world is perfect as it is. Zen focuses on acceptance, validation, and tolerance instead of making the world change.   Mindfulness is “allowing” experiences rather than suppressing or avoiding them. It is the intentional process of observing, describing, and participating in reality non-judgmentally, in the moment, and with effectiveness. Read more.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=89910
 
Acceptance -the final stage of grieving
 
“I believe that living a life of forgiveness, attending to daily life from the inside out, is the most energy efficient and most productive way to live. I believe that self-forgiveness is essentially inseparable from self-respect and self-responsibility.”(Thomas Rutledge).  For many our lives have been on a detour for some time and we desire to get back into the mainstream of life and motor on down the road. But before we hit the road, many of us need to free our self of the past. Read more.    
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=72841
 
Forgiveness
 
It would also be nice if forgiveness would just happen on its own. We can just give it some time. But usually some intervention must take place. In other words, we must work on it, sort of like tending a garden. The process begins with a desire to forgive. Many factors may motivate this desire—none of them natural. Our natural inclination is to stay angry and hold a grudge. But, eventually, either misery gets the best of us and/or a deeply held belief system shakes loose the anger and gives way to a desire to forgive.  Explore here:    
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=58084
 
Take a hard and honest look at yourself:
 
TEST: What's your conflict style?
 
Peter Neidig, a psychologist who studied spousal abuse and developed an interesting system for identifying conflict styles. There are 4 styles that fall on two scales: relationship goals and personal goals. What is your style? How is it affecting your family?
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=117339
 
TEST: Personality traits
 
The Bowen Institute studies the lineage of problems in families.  The current prevalence estimate is that about 20 percent of the U.S. population are affected by mental disorders during a given year. We are often the last to see it in ourselves. Seeing it is more than half the battle to dealing with it.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=128254
 
Young Schema Questionnaire (YSQ)
 
Pain is what drives us to break through and get beyond our own coping mechanisms and search for the real answer to our struggles - to fix what is defective and live a life that is not marred by a fixable emotional defect. But getting past the protective coping is the key... and hard.  We can all see how a pwBPD struggles to do this.  We struggle too.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=202548
 
Are we victims?
 
A tough question when it comes to our children. Who's really the victim? Who has the power? If we believe that we are helpless, does that prevent us from working towards effective change? As a victim, it is easy to just give up and stop trying.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=114232
 
Are we Co-Dependent?
 
How often have you tried to "fix" someone else's mistake? How many times do you put your needs aside because your SO seem more important or because you fear how they would respond? It's easy to get sucked into the care-taking role and think that you are doing the right thing.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=111772
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« Reply #3 on: March 04, 2010, 07:03:48 PM »

Lesson 3
Tools for solving problems and diffusing emotions

 
Objective: To learn the skills needed to create trust and rebuild ourselves and our relationship with our children.
 
Everyone has a need to be heard, understood and recognized for good behavior. After food and shelter it is one of the more basic of human needs. There is a formula for speaking with someone that has a better chance of success if used properly. Our attitude, tone of voice and body language has a huge impact on how our message is interpreted. Learning this is a powerful way to rebuild trust and closeness, where before there was blame and distrust. It is possible to stop making things worse and begin to work on a healthier relationship, and it begins with learning a new way of responding and listening to our loved ones.
 
Directions: Read through the following workshops. They were developed with real life stories and examples to help others gain valuable knowledge. While the workshops were developed with partners in mind - not parents- you can easily see how the dynamics are similar in that the motivation is the same - to understand what part we play.
 
Learn to Communicate Effectively
 
Before you can make things better - you must stop making them worse
 
We often find ourselves caught in a cycle of conflict with our BPD loved one. Little good can happen when we are in this conflict dynamic.  This communication tool, "S.E.T.", was conceived by Jerold Kreissmen, MD. We've coupled it with Dialectical Behavior Therapy tools conceived by Alan Fruzzetti, PhD.  It works.
Video:
Advanced video:
Pamphlet:
Workshop:
Tips and Traps for Parents:
   /content/ending-conflict
/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating
/pdfs/fuzzetti.pdf
/message_board/topic=81610
/message_board/topic=191788

Additional Communication Tools (DEARMAN, PUVAS)
 
The idea behind all these tools is that a BPD has to have trust reinforced and fears of inadequacy soothed before they can listen or hear.  The non-BP validates that the feelings are real feelings (not that they are justified).  The non-BP then shifts the discussion on what the real issue is and what can be done about it. These tools put a lot of responsibility of the non-BP to bridge the communication/emotional inadequacy. The assumption is that that the non-BP is the emotional caretaker in these situations.   Learn these important skills.    
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=69272
 
Careful, don't be invalidating
 
Are you making things worse?  Many times, when we are communicating with our loved ones, the words we use to explain ourselves or to justify ourselves, or to prove our point, come across as challenging and defiant to them. How often have you been in a conversation where the more you tried to explain something, the less the other person seemed to hear you and the angrier they got? That's because your words were essentially telling the other person they're wrong and you're right.   Learn more.      
https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating
 
Reinforce Positive Behavior
 
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”  A damaging lie is hidden in the timeworn chant.  The truth is words mold us, torment us and define us. Positive communication is a tool to reinforce good behavior and discourage bad behavior; it builds self-esteem and inspires confidence. Everyone needs to feel loved and accepted, and you can communicate those feelings by the way you speak.   Learn more.      
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=103822
 
Use Problem Solving Models
 
Extinction Burst - Timing is everything
 
When the person with Borderline Personality Disorder becomes dysregulated or depressed. bpdfamily.com recommends that you give them the space to self soothe - not try to do it for them.  Take a deep breath and politely and non-aggressively disengage. It’s not easy to block out the distraction and emotional pleas for our attention, yet it is only with a critical pause that we can really stay on a constructive and healthy pathway.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=85479
 
Problem Resolution Model - Coming Soon
 
How to stop a circular argument
 
It's happening again. The argument that just doesn't make sense. It can go on for hours, with them blaming you, criticizing you, attacking you, cornering you, lecturing you - essentially going on and on and on about how wrong/bad/cold/thoughtless/stupid you are. Being on the receiving end of one of these destroys your self esteem and inflicts major damage on the relationship. How do you stop them? Read on
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118892
 
Don't pick it up
 
It takes two to argue. I know at times it seems as though we don't have a choice, but we do. Learning to visualize things can help you recognize patterns much more easily. Having the strength to not argue takes practice, but it is possible...
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=106107
 
How to take a time out
 
So when you can't make it stop your best option is to get away. That means telling them you are taking a time out and walking out of the room, going to watch TV, read a book, take the dog (or just yourself) for a walk, go for a drive, or go work on a favorite hobby. My favorite is going to the bathroom for some privacy and time to think. But you want to do this in a way that doesn't make it worse.    
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=84942
 
Establish Rules in a Cooperative Way
 
BOUNDARIES: Upholding our values and independence
 
We all come to a relationship with core values or independent values.  We also have values that we are prepared to blend with the other person in a relationship - these become inter-dependent values. There are three types of boundaries: Physical boundaries; Mental boundaries; Emotional boundaries.
 
Each of the following five “Cs” is a component of planning boundaries:

 
  • Clarify

  • Calculate costs

  • Come up with consequences

  • Create a consensus

  • Consider possible outcomes

https://bpdfamily.com/content/values-and-boundaries
 
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« Reply #4 on: March 04, 2010, 07:04:00 PM »

Lesson 4
 How to manage through significant family issues

 
Objective: learn how to respond in times of crisis for better outcomes
 
As parents, keeping our children safe is our first priority.  When we live in fear that our child will self injure, engage in suicidal gestures, be potentially homeless or is involved in illegal activity our ability to effectively parent them is impaired. When we have a plan to address these issues we can alleviate our fears and better know how to respond effectively before and during times of crisis.
 
Directions: Read through the following workshops. They were developed with real life stories and examples to help others gain valuable knowledge. While some workshops were developed with partners in mind - not parents- you can easily see how the dynamics are similar in that the motivation is the same - to understand what part we play.
 
BPD BEHAVIORS: Self injury and self harm
 
People can cut to feel something because they are so psychologically NUMB.  *OR* they can cut because there is such a bottleneck of so much psychological pain that it RELEASES some of that pain.  And maybe that goes back and forth from day to day in an individual. There are "better" things to do - like rub ice on your wrists, or pop a rubber band on them... You can read more here...
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=70493.0
 
What You Need To Know If Your Child Is Arrested
 
If our child is arrested, most of us aren't knowledgeable in this area and don't know exactly what will happen or how best to protect our child without being enabling. People make mistakes. Young people make lots of mistakes. Young people wBPD make more. Some mistakes are more serious than others. Even if your child has been guilty of a crime it doesn't mean they are going to be a criminal for the rest of their life. They need the help and assistance sometimes only a parent can provide. You can read more here...
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=211658.0
 
My daughter wants to be a stripper
 
These are words no parent want to hear. Researchers at Wright State University, Dayton, Ohio studied exotic dancers. One-hundred percent of the dancers reported that they had been physically assaulted during work-related activities at least once. The prevalence or assaults ranged from 3 to 15 times during the time of employment in the sex industry, with a mean occurrence of eight incidents. Your child needs the help and assistance and the acceptance that only a parent can provide. You can read more here...
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=271913.0
 
Monitoring Digital Devices
 
Rules are extremely important when dealing with children and teens who have borderline personality disorder. The unlimited connectivity our kids’ devices offer can make this difficult. Internet and social media sites can become a playground for heartache and digital aggression. This article discusses monitoring a child's activity online and implementing contracts and setting expectations and consequences. You can read more here
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=289124
 
Taking care of yourself...
 
Parents’ “Bill of Rights”
 
When mental illness strikes young people, their parents may experience a great deal of emotional pain. Thresholds’ former Executive Director, Dr. Jerry Dincin, in his dealings with parents noticed that they often neglected their own needs. To help parents cope, he established this “Guilt-Free Parents’ Bill of Rights.”   Read more.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=144903.0
 
What does it mean to take care of yourself?
 
We hear it all the time - "take care of yourself"... sadly, we often don't know what that means. Here's a chance to explore what taking care of yourself means...
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=112473.0
 
Silent treatment - verbal abuse
 
This workshop is to discuss one type of verbal or emotional abuse; the silent treatment. Verbal abuse, in general, is a means of controlling others. What is the difference between "silent treatment (silent raging)" and someone just being quiet?
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=68733.0
 
Crisis Safety Plan:  When a family member has Borderline Personality Disorder
Develop a Family Crisis Safety Plan
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« Reply #5 on: March 04, 2010, 07:04:14 PM »

Lesson 5
Educational Accommodations for Students with BPD

 
Objective: To gain working knowledge of available programs that can improve our children's educational experience and help them succeed in school.
 
When our children's emotional instability, difficulties with interpersonal peer relationships and co-morbid disorders negatively affect their ability to attend school regularly and participate academically we worry about their future. Having  voluntary or federal/state educational accommodations can help our children succeed academically and socially in their school environment.
 
Directions: Read the following articles and parent discussions. Participate in the discussions and ask any questions you may have.
 
What is an IEP?
 
An Individualized Education Program is a federal and state mandated education plan for a student with disabilities. An IEP allows the student to participate in the "normal" school culture while providing specialized assistance where it is needed. An IEP is available for any child who meets the requirements for special education up to High School graduation or prior to their 22nd. birthday.
Article:
Video:
  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=273076.0
www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2XlAWcMAUk

 
How to obtain an IEP
 
In order to obtain an IEP the school must determine through a full evaluation if the child's disability has an adverse effect on the child's educational progress. An IEP team includes parents, teachers, a school representative and a psychologist or other person who can interpret the evaluation results.  Parents may also bring professionals to help advocate for their child's needs. The IDEA-Individuals with Disabilities Education Act requires the IEP to be developed based on the child's needs rather than preexisting programs or services.
Article:
Video:
Thread:
  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=273076.01
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YllpxhW5CUM
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=125391

Implementing an IEP
 
Services under an IEP may include: Specially designed instruction, Related services, Program modifications, Classroom accommodations, Supplementary aid and services, and the Resource room.  The Specially designed instruction includes methods of delivery, performance methods and criteria which can determine how the IEP is put into action.  Classroom accommodations, specialized transportation, and other related services are part of the Individualized Education Program.
Article:
Thread:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=273076.02
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=168656

What is a 504 Plan?
 
If your child is struggling in school, you may be looking for ways to improve the educational experience.  If your child doesn’t qualify for an Individualized Education Program (IEP), a 504 plan may be a good alternative.
 
A 504 plan can give you peace of mind. This is especially true if your child already gets informal accommodations at school and you want to make sure they continue. But first, you need to know what a 504 plan can provide, what your rights are, how to pursue a 504 plan and what makes a child eligible. The more you know, the better you can advocate for your child.
Article
Video
Thread
  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=273149.0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MW5NlZvPj_I
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=198796

What is the difference between an IEP and a 504 Plan?
 
Both Individualized Education Programs (IEPs) and 504 plans can offer formal help for K–12 students with learning and attention issues. They’re similar in some ways but quite different in others. It is important to understand which laws apply to each plan. Here is a comparison of the aspects of each and how they differ.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=273149.0
 

Here are some general threads that may be of interest...
 
Boarding schools/educational consultants?
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=182836
 
SS Disability
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=178545
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=199881
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« Reply #6 on: March 11, 2015, 03:33:32 PM »

Lesson 6
Therapy methods and inpatient / outpatient venues

 
Objective: To gain an understanding of the various treatment options.
 
This section is geared to help us determine which treatment would be appropriate for our child; to learn how to communicate with our children about the need for treatment and guide them towards it; to learn what to expect as far as the treatment itself and possible outcomes; and to gain insight into choosing and funding Residential Treatment and options for improving our child's educational experience.
 
Directions: Read through the following workshops. They were developed with real life stories and examples to help others gain valuable knowledge.
 
VIDEO: Helping your loved one seek professional treatment
 
According to Dr. Xavier Amador, professor in Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, denial is a powerful deterrent to recovery in mental illness. What is often thought to be immaturity, stubbornness, and defensiveness is a much more complex and difficult problem.  Empathy with the patient's frustrations and even the patient’s delusional beliefs is also important, remarked Amador, who said that the phrase "I understand how you feel" can make a world of difference. The most difficult thing for family members to do in building a trusting relationship, he said, is to restrict discussion only to the problems that the person with mental illness perceives as problems - not to try to convince them of others. View this video overview.
https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-to-get-borderline-into-therapy
 
TOOLS: "Getting" someone to see a therapist or to get into treatment
 
You cannot control the person's decision to see a therapist or get into treatment. Put yourself into the other person's place - no one likes to be told what to do or that they need help. So if the approach wouldn't be palatable to you, it probably won't be something the person with BPD will be receptive to either. There are 4 techniques that come from motivational interviewing that may help: Express Empathy; Develop Discrepancy; Roll with Resistance; Support Self-Efficacy        
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=76633.0
 
Treatments and cures
 
Recent consensus seems to suggest that behavior modification training is most effective with people affected by Borderline Personality Disorder.  Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), or one promising offshoot, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is the method most heavily evaluated in population studies.  There is also several others - Transferance (a preferred method at Columbia Presbyterian in NYC, for example) and the newer Schema, and Mentalization therapies that are being evaluated. Learn about these methods.    
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=76487.0
 
Common medications and their side effects
 
NIMH-funded neuroscience research is revealing brain mechanisms underlying the impulsivity, mood instability, aggression, anger, and negative emotion seen in BPD. Studies suggest that people predisposed to impulsive aggression have impaired regulation of the neural circuits that modulate emotion. Within the past 15 years, a new psychosocial treatment termed dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) was developed specifically to treat BPD, and this technique has looked promising in treatment studies. Pharmacological treatments are often prescribed based on specific target symptoms shown by the individual patient. Antidepressant drugs and mood stabilizers may be helpful for depressed and/or labile mood. Antipsychotic drugs may also be used when there are distortions in thinking. Read more.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=141634
 

Here are some general threads that may be of interest...
 
What does hospitalization accomplish?
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=167125.0
 
Any anyone tried or looked into residential therapy?
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=112487.0
 
Is an RTC right for our well-behaved Borderline 17 yr old daughter?
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=156853.0
 
When to consider RTC?
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=96323.0
 
Residential treatment?
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=125499.0
 
When do you know to get day treatment or IOP for your d/s?
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=173381.0
 
Long term residential treatment
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=188872
 
Medicaid and Residential Treatment
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=181325.0
 
Insurance Coverage and RTC
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=203810.0
 
SS Disability
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=178545.0;all
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=199881
 
Who can afford it?
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=163692
 
How to pick a RTC
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=196049.0
 
How to Find a Residential Facility
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=210503.
 
Suggestions on residential facilities for 16 yr old daughter
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=204766.0
 
RTCs
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=114130.0
 
How to transition home from RTC
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=200919.0
 
Coping Skills for Parents when their child is inpatient
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nP9mhmALVbY&feature=youtu.be
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« Reply #7 on: December 06, 2018, 01:47:58 PM »

Lesson 7
Crisis Safety Plan: When a family member has Borderline Personality Disorder

 
Objective: Develop a Crisis Safety Plan
 
This section is geared to help us determine which treatment would be appropriate for our child; to learn how to communicate with our children about the need for treatment and guide them towards it; to learn what to expect as far as the treatment itself and possible outcomes; and to gain insight into choosing and funding Residential Treatment and options for improving our child's educational experience.
 
Directions: Read through the following 3-part plan. This information was adapted from the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Family Resource Guidebook: NAMI.org
 
Develop a Family Crisis Safety Plan
 
Part I: Preventing Crisis and Controlling Potentially Explosive Situations
 
According to NAMI, sixty-five percent of the individuals discharged from psychiatric hospitals now receive primary care and support from their families; so, it is likely at some time the family caregivers will experience a crisis situation with their ill family member. Both parties need to learn how to recognize that a crisis might be coming, what actions can be taken, and what supports can be put into place.
Read more: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=272865.msg12579850#msg12579850
 
Part II: Steps to Follow During a Crisis and Putting Together a Crisis Management Team
 
Traditionally, most mental health services are "agency centered." Each agency-home health care (with psychiatrist/nurse/social worker), crisis service (with clinician, crisis support persons), mental health agency (with more psychiatrists, therapist, community support worker), and school (teacher, Special Education, social worker, principal) have set up their own plan. The more agencies, the more plans. Imagine trying to understand which agency has what plan? Who in each plan is responsible for what tasks? When should the parent and ill person use which plan? Now, add to this problems in communication, comprehension, memory, stress tolerance especially when you are in the midst of a psychiatric crisis!
 
This is why we present a "person-centered" plan: a plan designed around the patient'€™s needs and strengths and involving any agency or provider who can best support the particular needs of the person.

Read more: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=272865.msg12582069#msg12582069
 
Part III: Post Crisis-Evaluations, Hospitalization and Release Plans
 
Now that the crisis is over and your family member is safe, either at home or in an alternative setting, everyone needs to recuperate. It is okay to cry, to feel angry, stressed out, relieved and a whole host of confusing feelings. Take the day off take the phone off the hook, and do something special for yourself. Next, understand and accept that what you did was necessary. Acting to keep your relative safe is the highest form of love, even when it may involve force and hospitalization. Your relative may be angry at you for calling the police or the crisis team, but at least he/she will still be around to express it.
Read more: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=272865.msg12584821#msg12584821
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I applaud the work you all are doing here, together. It's why I have recommended BPDFamily in my book "Abnormal and Clinical Psychology: An Introductory Textbook". I've found this site to be purposed, centered and accepting. It is an invaluable resource.
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