SURVEY | Break-up/make-up cycles

[joc1970]

Every recycle gotten shorter and more pain for me, The last one lasted only 2 days

[McGahee21]

its been about 10 plus x, just ridiculous.  some of it my own undoing.  but whatever.

after throwing all her crap out of my car, i was just like idc.  its just tiresome... .

its whatever, its emotionally draining... .

[Polis_Ohio]

Mine has not come back or has tried. In her mind breaking up is a finality despite what she actually feels. She cannot handle the stress of trying to "work it out".

I guess we are not walking now, she never responded to our plans.

[hopealways]

Always wondered if the breakup cycles this poll refers to is an actual break up or includes periods of no contact/distancing?

[alwaysT_Time]

Before this person I had never gone through any make-up/break-up cycle. Whenever I broke up with someone before, that was it - no further contact until years later, possibly.

With this person, it has been 6 or more times - being pushed away, then pulled back. I acknowledge my role in it - and am learning more why I got so invested and sucked in.

According to them it was all my doing, I trapped them and manipulated them into getting involved with me - even me implanting psychic hooks into them.

Last I heard they are getting a restraining order against me - I have no interest in maintaining contact with them, so regardless of how that goes, it will not affect my future. It is just hurtful and unnerving.

[FSTL]

I have a mildly BPD ex.

At first she would push me away, saying she didn't want to do a long term relationship. We would message later in the day, and then spend the night together.

Then when I wouldn't fully commit (due to her behaviour), she dumped me in a big dramatic move. Then I begged her to take me back, which she did.

Then I told her I needed space, she begged me to take her back. She put me under pressure for months to be with her. Then, the day when I said I was ready to commit, she told me she had been with another guy and then told me she didn't want to be with me. It became a power thing - I begged her to take me back. She took me back, then rejected me. This went on for a month, then I finally said that's enough - are we together or not? She said no... .and then she asked me to stay the night. And the weekend. Then on Monday it was over. We had a drink on Thursday, she yelled at me for being possessive and said it was over. I messaged her on the way home and asked her where I should leave her stuff. She exploded and said I had made her feel like ___. Then that night she stayed over and we were together for months, before she cheated on me again. She said it was over. I said fine and pushed her away. Then she dropped by and we have sex and a few weeks together. Then she said she could only do something non-exclusive, so I finally broke things off with her and that's where we stand.

I was depressed a lot of the time we were together and was walking on egg shells. I miss her presence, but the more distance between us, the more I realise she was only a shell of a person and our relationship was incredibly unhealthy - I said 8 breakups when I did the survery, but writing this out I realised it was a lot more than than. I lost count!

I still miss her and think about her a lot when I am triggered (all the time), but I now know I can't go back as the pain just isn't worth it.

I have met other girls, one of them incredibly nice, but can't connect with them. I am trying to hold on to the very nice girl I met... .am hoping I can hang on longer on move on with my new GF.

[QBert]

I would love to vote, but I'm not sure what defines a breakup.  We've lived together for several years and in that course of time she's talked about breaking up several times.  She's even made it as far as packing several bags into her car a few times and driving off for up to 15 minutes (before coming back to make up).  If a break-up is a fight where I've been told we are breaking up, then I've had over 10.  If a breakup is her actually moving out and staying gone for at least a night, then we've never broken up.

What do others think constitutes a break-up?

[Skip]

I would love to vote, but I'm not sure what defines a breakup.  We've lived together for several years and in that course of time she's talked about breaking up several times.  She's even made it as far as packing several bags into her car a few times and driving off for up to 15 minutes (before coming back to make up).  If a break-up is a fight where I've been told we are breaking up, then I've had over 10.  If a breakup is her actually moving out and staying gone for at least a night, then we've never broken up.

What do others think constitutes a break-up?

In your case, not coming home.   

[QBert]

In your case, not coming home.   

Thank you.  I will vote accordingly.

[Kaylina15]

New to the boards. 

We have been married for 26 years, together for 27, and I would say we "broke up" three times. The first was in 2005 after he cheated on me and even though he told me right after it happened, he couldn't stop seeing her, so I kicked him out. We lived apart for 8 months, and tried counselling,  which is when he was diagnosrd ( incorrectly) with depression. The second was in 2007, i think. We split because he wanted to try being on his own to take his meds. We still had dinners together on occasion and saw each other frequently because of our son and continued going to therapy.
I left to work in my hometown three hours away in 2011-2013, but it wasn't really a break up as much as it was a getaway for me from dealing with him everyday. I would come home during every other weekend and on school vacations( i was a sub teacher living with ky parents ). My son was a senior in hs at the time.
I have finally decided enough is enough living with him, and I've planned on moving back home to the town where my family lives, 3 hrs away. He isn't happy about it and is struggling with it, but I'm done.

[SaltyDawg]

I answered we "haven't broken up" YET.  My uBPDw has threatened divorce on many occasions and two quite seriously; however, she has not gone through the door YET, nor kicked me out YET.  Her case is predominately of the high functioning "invisible" variety; however, when I take more control of my actions, her responses are more like a conventional Borderline.

[try2heal]

I cannot count the number of times he's told me (usually via text message but sometimes in person) that we're through. My uBPDxbf. The next day, he doesn't understand why he hasn't heard from me, love bombs me, etc.
I only counted the times I decided I was done. 3. This one has to be complete, final. We're on 1 week NC now. It's been a month but I was away for a lot of it and we did communicate some, with him begging and me telling him the door isn't shut all the way. I'm trying to decide how long I need to be NC before I write him about getting my stuff. I can't let myself get drawn back in.