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Author Topic: Warning: Side Effects  (Read 451 times)
2idealistic
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Relationship status: single
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« on: July 29, 2010, 04:55:35 PM »

I've been NC for five months now, and unemployed for four months, thanks to my BPDex's lies and the spurious, unfounded harassment claim that forced my resignation from our employer.  While working diligently to get over her, get employed again, and to manage my diminishing financial resources, I've also attempted to work on my health, including getting checkups and certain milestone preventive procedures that I was long overdue for, when my doctor noted that my blood pressure was "borderline" (which I found to be cruelly ironic, but funny nonetheless in a dark humor way).  I've never had high blood pressure before, and he deduced that it was most certainly a function of anxiety, but he prescribed Lexapro so as to combat both anxiety and any depressive symptoms.  Two notable side effects by way of caution to my friends out there:  vivid dreams (wouldn't you know it: about my BPDex and all the events surrounding our breakup) and agitation/anger/hostility.  Beware if you're taking this medication that it may in fact not hasten your emotional distance from your BPDex and the trauma you suffered, but exacerbate the anxieties surrounding it.  As of today, I've determined I'd rather have borderline high blood pressure than have the return of my BPDex in dreams, and I'll opt for non pharmaceutical anxiety relief instead.
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Ghislaine
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Relationship status: Divorced
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« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2010, 06:40:05 PM »

Warning to you, I also took Lexapro during the height of the extreme drama with my ex.  I had very vivid/halucinatory dreams, sleep disturbance, racing thoughts and worst of all, it wrecked my libido.  Now all of this did not help the situation at all.  I went on Wellbutrin and had a much better experience although I don't really think it helped with anxiety as well, but it had no other side effects for me. I have been able to go off of all meds now and am just working on me by exercise, diet and rest.  But I really needed the meds at the time and they were really, really important.  Good luck.
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newworld
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Relationship status: Single, living apart, but next door..BAH!
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« Reply #2 on: July 29, 2010, 06:43:25 PM »

Different people have different side effects from different meds. maybe you could try something like Zoloft or... .?

Have you tried natural remedies?  Like st. johns Wort, kava Kava, tryptophan, 5 HTP? These are natural remedies, but still must be monitored by a qualified professional, preferably a natropath or an MD specializing in integrative medicine. Like with synthetics, they can cause side effects and have to be adjusted in dosgae.

This might be a thought that helps?

OH! Also, if things are really bad with prolonged stress or anxiety/depression, it may help to have your hormone and vitamin levels checked through blood, saliva and urine to get a most accurate reading. Stress can really alter the endocrine picture and testing may help determine of hormones have gone out of whack to help find a more comfortable treatment than benzo or synthetics?
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2idealistic
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« Reply #3 on: July 29, 2010, 07:01:47 PM »

Thanks to you both for recommendations and shared experiences.  Am going to step up the exercise and meditation for sure.  While there may be some residual depression for me, I think my anxiety would abate if my job search in the worst economy in modern history could be successful sooner rather than later.  In the meantime, I don't need anxiety to return in the form of dreams or obsessions about the ex, as I'd begun to break through that a few weeks ago.
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newworld
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« Reply #4 on: July 29, 2010, 08:14:56 PM »

yeah, amazing how poverty increases stress exponentially.

Crossing fingers for a good job with bennies for you soon!
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2010
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« Reply #5 on: July 29, 2010, 08:29:39 PM »

A pill isn’t going to do it. (Even though in the deepest darkest hours you’ll wish for one.) Pills are a temporary solution- and at best don’t allow for the real struggle to emerge; that of your crucifixion and resurrection.

When you’re at the bottom of the well you could take a pill- but it’s going to mask out any recognition of that light, you know, that tiny light at the top of the well that emits photons for a few hours in the day. The rest is darkness. And the darkness is what we are afraid of. It’s in this darkness that psychologists label as your “annihilation fears”- annihilation because your persona (or rather, your false self) has been attacked and is deconstructing.

It’s falling apart because it doesn’t work anymore- and it doesn’t work anymore because it was borrowed from you by a person lacking a self and then mirrored back to attract you under false pretenses. Once that’s done, and you’re attracted to yourself- all that’s left for a personality disordered individual is to abandon you, trash you, and discard you.  Leaving you to wonder what happened and feel annihilated.

What’s left is your fragmented persona that was painfully almost destroyed. Now you have to put yourself back together again like humpty dumpty. Humpty Dumpty with massive self doubt and pain. So a pill can help you detach from that pain- but it’s only a temporary solution to calm the massive self doubt.

What‘s really necessary is to gather the broken pieces of yourself and put them back together again with rightful ownership of what’s good and what’s bad and what’s been projected on to you as blame.   What is your shame and why do you feel it? What was it that had you feeling even-keeled and happy and then kept you continually off-balance? Was it someone else’s behavior? You’ll know- what’s yours and what’s not. You’ll know.

What’s really important about your personality (your Self) will be retained and what’s painfully superficial will be lost upon review after a run-in with a PD person (and hopefully magical thinking and malignant optimism is dismembered from your ideal bargaining over trying to get this back again) The process of introspection takes time but it’s got to happen.  This is an important time in your life. Very important.

And if you’d just be kind to yourself you’d realize that not everyone that comes across this *mirror* of themselves gets the big picture. Denial is a great coping mechanism for many- and anger can destroy your introspection. What’s left for the people who get past this pain and anger is a depression of sorts- and it’s as natural as a dormant (cutting back) cycle in nature.

Any pruned tree would understand this and tell you if they could speak- There will be new growth in the coming months ahead…

Don’t worry.

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Dustyguy518

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« Reply #6 on: July 29, 2010, 09:05:46 PM »

I'm on wellbutrin XL and has effectively cut right through any gloom or depression.  I'm able to function at work, and ruminate with objectiveness.   
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