Adult daughter with many BP and BPD traits and 2 grands living with me.

[hanging on]

My daughter just had her second child by a man with a diagnosis BPD .I haven't been around him much in the past but at the hospital his behavior was frightening at say the least. My daughter is 34 not married to him but for some reason keeps going back to him. He was raging at me. I lost my husband just 19 months ago and then 4 months later was diagnosed with breast cancer. I can't be around all that craziness. He didn't take her to the hospital and he didn't come and get her yet she wanted to go to his house . He has been unemployed for over a year . The house is being foreclosed . I don't want him here and my daughter takes his defense and is very irrational at times also. I really don't want either of them at my home .I am concerned about my grandchildren  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[havana]

Hello hanging on

I'm sorry to hear about you SIL. He sounds like a real catch. Your daughter may be suffering just as an abused spouse does. Do you know if she is abused? The non's in these relationships sometimes have a terrible time breaking away. How do they support themselves?

I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis. How are you doing with that?

[hanging on]

Yes my daughter has been abused , but she keeps going back

[deerintheheadlights]

Dear Hanging on, Welcome

I am so sorry to hear that you lost your husband and now the diagnosis.  You know how they teach you when you fly that when the oxygen mask comes down you put it on first and then you tend to others.  This is such a time.  Right now you are all that you can handle, fighting this diagnosis and healing.  Those are your full time jobs.  Everything will still be there when you are ready to take it on.  It is so hard, I know.  My son is married to a BPD girl and they just had their second baby.  She has made him believe that his family is against her and we now have no contact with my son so I know how bad it can get.  My point is that until my son wants to change things there is very little that I can do about it.  It is the same with your daughter.  You will have to distance yourself from her for a while and let her make her own mistakes.  Even if you had the strength to run interference it would do no good.  Now is the time for you to concentrate on getting better.  My very best wishes to you.  We are here to support you hanging on.  Your friend, Deer

[hanging on]

My daughter is in denial about having any problems. She has been with me 5 yrs. I am dealing with stage 4 cancer . Her emotional episodes, unstable financially several jobs end in them not appreciating her and she her talent. She is extremely artistic as well as extreme in setting up  chaos. It is on going.