Date: Sep=2010Minutes: 12:45
The 5 Faces of Borderline Personality Disorder

Although, I am in the "[L3] Leaving: Disengaging from a Partner with Borderline Personality" forum most of the time, I thought this video was interesting and I think it belongs to this forum. I hope it will help to understand your BPD partners behaviour better.

Instead of definitions, it gives a conversational examples to describe:

• Detached protector
• The punitive parent
• Abandoned/abused child
• Angry/impulsive child
• The healthy adult.

All best… Zero

thanks for posting, I also enjoyed this video.

Thank you, Zero_Gravity . I am very glad I saw that. Much appreciated  .

I love this guy, he is doing a great job with his recovery. I wish more pwBPD would take control of their own recovery. Kudos to him.

This video was really eye opening.  Seeing it in real world situation really brought this to a different level.

This may help:

Some of the identified Schema modes of which patients and clients are educated about via therapy are as follows

Angry child- This mode is fueled mainly by feelings of victimization or bitterness, leading towards negativity, pessimism, jealousy, rage, and so forth. While experiencing this schema mode, a patient may have urges to yell, scream, throw/break things, or possibly even self-injury/harming others. The "angry child" is enraged, anxious, frustrated, self-doubting, feels unsupported in ideas, and vulnerable.

Impulsive Child - This is the mode where anything goes. Theoretically if an individual is having an "identity crisis" or moments of depersonalization this mode might come into play. Behaviors of the "impulsive child" may include: reckless driving, substance abuse, cutting oneself with lack of suicidal thoughts, gambling, fits of rage such as: punching a wall when "triggered" or laying the blame of whatever circumstance upon innocent peers. Unsafe sex, rash decisions to run away from a situation without resolution, tantrums perceived by peers as infantile, and so forth are a mere few of the behaviors of which an "impulsive child" might display. "impulsive Child" is the rebellious and careless schema mode and can lead to conscious suicidal thoughts if not stopped.

Detached Protector - This schema mode is based in escape. Individuals in "detached protector" withdraw, dissociate, alienate, or hide in some way. This may be triggered by numerous stress factors or feelings of being overwhelmed. The lack of coping skills when a person is in a life situation involving high-demand or a chain of thoughts/emotions revolving obsessively often can trigger "detached protector." Stated simply, the patient becomes numb in order to protect oneself from the harm or stress of which they fear is to come/fear of the unknown in general. Mistrust is often a culprit in "triggering" such fears.

Abandoned Child - The "abandoned child" is a schema mode in which a person may feel defective in some way, thrown aside, unloved, obviously alone, or may be in a "me against the world" mindset. Feeling as though peers, friends, family, and even the entire world have abandoned a person are the things which live within this schema mode. Behaviors of individuals stuck in "abandoned child" include, but are not limited to: falling into major depression, pessimism, feeling unwanted, inferiority complexes arising, feeling unworthy of love, and personality traits perceived as unchangeable flaws are the ways of the "abandoned child." In this mode suicidal idealization, suicidal tendencies, hypersensitivity to criticism/compliments, stubbornness, avoidable behavior, and the "why bother?" attitude all make up "abandoned child."

Rarely, a patient's personal perceived flaws may be intentionally with-held on the inside. When this occurs, instead of showing one's true self, the patient may appear to others as "egotistical", "attention-seeking", selfish, distant, and may exhibit behaviors unlike their true nature. In this mode, the patient might create a narcissistic alter-ego/persona in order to escape or hide the insecurity from others. Due to fear of rejection, and poor self image, of feeling disconnected from their true self these patients (who truly desire companionship/affection) may end up pushing others away. This rare behavior can also be a self-soothing (yet unhealthy) self-therapy technique. It feeds the "abandoned child" delusion and becomes hazardous in the end.

    * Abandoned child is a self-defeating mode as a whole. The person feels defective and abandoned, thus may abandon their own self and choose to remain "abandoned" as it is what they believe they know and therefore comforting.

    * Punitive Parent - The Punitive Parent schema mode is identified by beliefs of a patient that they should be harshly punished perhaps due to feeling "defective", or making a simple mistake. They may feel that they should be punished for even existing when "punitive parent" takes over the psyche. Sadness, anger, impatience, and judgmental natures come out in "punitive parent" and are directed to the patient and from the patient. Even a small and solvable issue or unrealistic perfectionist expectations and "black and white thinking" all bring forth the "punitive parent." The "punitive parent" has great difficulty in forgiving oneself even under average circumstances in which anyone could fall short of their standards. The "Punitive Parent" does not wish to allow for human error or imperfection, thus punishment is what this mode seeks and what it desires.

    * Healthy Adult - The "Healthy Adult" schema mode is what Schema Therapy strives to help a patient achieve as the long-lasting state of well-being. The "healthy adult" is good with decision making, nurturing, comforting, ambitious, sets limits and boundaries, forms healthy relationships, takes on all responsibility, sees things through, and enjoys/partakes in enjoyable adult activities and interests with boundaries enforced, takes care of his/her physical health as well, is rational, a problem-solver, someone who thinks before acting, someone aware of their self worth, well-balanced mentally, emotionally, and physically. The "healthy adult" is grown up and loves his/herself. In this schema mode the person focuses on the present day with hope and strives towards the best tomorrow possible. The "healthy adult" forgives the past, no longer sees oneself as a victim (but as a survivor), and expresses all emotions in ways of which are healthy and cause no harm.

Thanks Skip!  Fantastic video!... I've seen that movie right in my own home! LOL  I'm so glad he broke down what in the world they are thinking.  I would have those conversations and not know how my family members or ex would jump from one reaction to another with no provocation from me.  Very helpful.  It also show me all of the things my mom was doing to me while she was being a punitive parent toward me.

This Dutch guy is called Bas and he has a channel on You Tube called MeAndMyBlackTable. He himself has the disorder and some of his videos were immensely informative to me.  

He also gave me hope: I realize a lot of people with BPD are massively sick and have little to no hope for recovery, but he seems to have improved a lot on his journey.

In case you are wondering who he is or what he's all about, here are some links to othehr videos I found particularly useful and optimistic:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1o2tORz1tc&list=FLEP4Yr08NIhAVkCPNDGbclQ&index=5&feature=plpp_video

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do6owMR1hSY&feature=relmfu

Thanks so much for posting this video... .

if I had had ANY doubt that my fiance had BPD; I wouldn't doubt it any more. The video was so clear it was scary.

I feel that I have dealt with the "punitive parent" quite a bit... .(encouraged by REAL abuse from his father) and he has voiced that "compliments are scary; he is not allowed to have them".

I have seen way too much of the "angry child" due to my own past abuse issues and constantly fighting my "withdrawl" at the increasing volume and anger in his voice .

He really is an awesome person and I am hoping that the HEALTHY ADULT will win his battles, I will be his "champion" and fight along side him.

Knowing that it MUST be BPD that I have been facing, is strangely relieving... .I appreciate this place very much... .thank you for your support.

thinking

Good recommendation you made.  I, too, found that video very intriguing.  You Tube has several other videos on Schema Therapy, as well.

Reality

Thinking - thanks for the link.

I have to remember that the 'punitive parent' is a state that the pwBPD is in -- not that "I" am that 'punitive parent'. Though there have been many times when I was not able to help provide that 'safe place' for DD to shift into other mental states of being.

qcr

Henry Saria, i know this is late. But the second to last paragraph you posted explains my situation perfectly. Have you gotten through the detached protector? According to jeffery young, this is the most difficult mode to break through and no work can be accomplished by the therapist when patient is in this mode. He claims he tries to get the patient back into abandon child mode by reminding them how they feel in that mode.

Explain further what your talking about please ...

Thanks Turkish, I do believe my mom has traits of BPD and my dad has traits of NPD which would explain why I picked a man with traits of both. The protector mask really gives me the chills.