Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
August 02, 2021, 10:59:26 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Books members most read
105
The High
Conflict Couple
Loving Someone with
Borderline Personality Disorder
Loving the
Self-Absorbed
Borderline Personality
Disorder Demystified

Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Day 1 NC, for the upteenth time Anyone else here too?  (Read 1004 times)
kc sunshine
*******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 1065


« on: September 07, 2014, 08:40:30 PM »

I'm struggling through it and keep having to start again. Ugh, it is hard.
Logged

Turkish
Senior Ambassador
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned in Feb 2013.
Posts: 11080


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #1 on: September 07, 2014, 08:43:48 PM »

Hi kc, is there business that's prompting the repeated engagement?
Logged

    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Rifka
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 540



« Reply #2 on: September 07, 2014, 08:53:32 PM »

I'm struggling through it and keep having to start again. Ugh, it is hard.

K c, come on friend, you really can do this! You started me on your n/c thread over a week ago, I am plugging along and you can do it too!

What is triggering you to have contact each time? Try to figure that out and change it if you can.

You are torturing yourself, and it makes me feel bad.

You were one of my main strengths to keep n/c, now tell me please if there is anything that I can do to let me be one of your strengths here.

What kind of contact is being made?

Private message me if you want or post it here!

I know that you can do this!


Logged

Dance like nobody is watching. Love like you have never been hurt before.
kc sunshine
*******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 1065


« Reply #3 on: September 08, 2014, 07:04:22 AM »

Thanks for your support Rifka and Turkish! Oh man, it's just been something or another every day. The big thing was one night she came over to talk and process -- it was kind of nice, she was MUCH nicer than she's been over the last six weeks but still had flashes of meanness (or honesty? maybe she is so honest that it comes across mean?) Then the next day, she asked me to reply to a poem she had written to me. Then a phone call telling me the work advice I had given her was helpful. I didn't call her back, just texted-- but it still hurt bad when I got no reply. NC day #2-- gonna hold onto your words Rifka! We can do it!
Logged

Rise
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 623



« Reply #4 on: September 08, 2014, 07:51:26 AM »

KC, I apologize for not having read the last thread you started as you may have already explained this, but I was wondering something about your situation. Is she the one shutting down contact, or are you?

I didn't call her back, just texted-- but it still hurt bad when I got no reply.

I may be reading this wrong, but this gave me the impression she's the one that's stop contacting you. Is this the case?
Logged
Recooperating
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 362



« Reply #5 on: September 08, 2014, 08:49:49 AM »

Hey NC buddy!

What happened with the push ups? Smiling (click to insert in post)

You can do it KC! I slipped up once too, responded to a message a week ago.

And I think he just called me right now (no caller ID) but I forces myself not to pick up.

Are you tempted to recycle KC? Do you want to try again or do you want to move on?

It is really really hard... .

About the truth... .The truth is never mean, it maybe confronting or harsh, but its never suppose to mean.

Keep strong KC! You can do it!
Logged
Rifka
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 540



« Reply #6 on: September 08, 2014, 09:16:59 AM »

We have power in numbers here K C. We can do this together!

Deciding which direction you are truly planning on going with this is up to you and only you. Make a plan and try really hard to stick to it!

It sounds like she has her plan in gear to suck you in emotionally and spit you out again.

You are here longer than me and you know exactly how it works with this disorder!

Solder don't give up your post to your own sanity and peace of mind!

Really think about what good or bad will definitely come from what choices you make. It's important to get mean and selfish about protecting and enforcing your boundaries.

You can do this, we all can!

Can you try to keep contact only on a business level? Stop helping her, it's sucking you back in, unless that is truly what you want!

It's all up to you kc and what you allow to happen to you. You know this!

Hugs to you on day 2.
Logged

Dance like nobody is watching. Love like you have never been hurt before.
pieceofme
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 258


« Reply #7 on: September 08, 2014, 09:42:14 AM »

I'm struggling through it and keep having to start again. Ugh, it is hard.

i understand your struggle. i'm on day 3 of NC... .for the third time.
Logged
willtimeheal
******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Relationship status: Split 4-2013 trying to work it out
Posts: 813


WWW
« Reply #8 on: September 08, 2014, 04:48:06 PM »

KC... .

I was pulled back in more times than I care to count. You know how you said she had "flashes of meaness"  that's her buddy... .the real her. My exBPD went crazy on me one day and I posted about it and one  of the very good people here commented on it. I said I saw a side of her I had never seen.  The person commented that maybe I finally saw the real her... .Her mask finally completely fell off.  They were right. Those "flashes" are the real her. When you think of her you need to think of those moments... .That is who she is. Do you really want to be with someone who treats you like that?
Logged

Rifka
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 540



« Reply #9 on: September 08, 2014, 04:56:50 PM »

KC... .

I was pulled back in more times than I care to count. You know how you said she had "flashes of meaness"  that's her buddy... .the real her. My exBPD went crazy on me one day and I posted about it and one  of the very good people here commented on it. I said I saw a said of her I had never seen.  The person commented that maybe I finally saw the real her... .Her mask finally completely fell off.  They were right. Those "flashes" are the real her. When you think of her you need to think of those moments... .That is who she is. Do you really want to be with someone who treats you like that?

YOU CANT FAKE MEAN! It's either in you or not!
Logged

Dance like nobody is watching. Love like you have never been hurt before.
willtimeheal
******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Relationship status: Split 4-2013 trying to work it out
Posts: 813


WWW
« Reply #10 on: September 08, 2014, 05:07:46 PM »

The thing is KC. I wanted to believe so badly that my exBPD was going to change. That we were going to have that great story book life. And I wanted to believe that she could and would get better... .if I just loved her more, helped her pay more bills, gave her more space, was nicer to her, did everything she wanted, and the list goes on and on.   

I lost me in the process and my ex BPD just got meaner, nastier, and blamed me more and more. No matter what I did she resented me more and more.  The nicer I was the more she resented and hated me.  Last time we fought she blamed me for how much money she made at her job... .I have no control over any of that. I work at the same place!  She blame  me for how much money her ex husband pays her... .I wasn't even involved with her when they divorced. Bpd is crazy and you will leave when you are ready. It took me a long time. When I saw her madness and how unbelievably cruel she was this one time to me everything changed for me... .I was never able to look at her the same way again. This beautiful woman became the ugliest woman I have ever seen. Be patient with yourself. You can do this.
Logged

kc sunshine
*******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 1065


« Reply #11 on: September 08, 2014, 09:16:14 PM »

You guys are the best-- thank you thank you thank you. Yeah, the meanness is what is so shocking, either when it is sustained (when I was totally painted black) or when it comes out in flashes (in mean, cutting off-hand comments). It is surprising-- hard to believe it is real. Thanks you all for helping me to recognize it as very, very real and a real red flag of the disorder. Anyway, DAY 2 is done! Today I felt pretty good (don't want to jinx it by writing it but it is true!) She texted me, but I didn't text back.

Rise: she has been shutting down contact off and on and I have not initiated any contact, just tried to respond briefly. The big slip was the other night when she came over. I think it could have led to a recycle but it didn't, so at least there is that  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Yes, Recooperating, Rifka, and Willtimeheal-- there is power in numbers! We can do it! Back to the push ups!
Logged

willtimeheal
******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Relationship status: Split 4-2013 trying to work it out
Posts: 813


WWW
« Reply #12 on: September 09, 2014, 06:19:21 AM »

Stay strong my friend. And know that you are not alone. I will be honest... .I pray for contact at times and hope for a recycle. I then have to ask myself ":)o I really want to waste another  year of my life with all of this crap?"  Because that is what will happen... .same cycle, same behaviors, same abuse. She will not change, she can't change. Doesn't mean I don't love her or want the best for her... .just means I love myself too and want what's best for me.
Logged

Infern0
********
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1520


« Reply #13 on: September 09, 2014, 06:35:10 AM »

Back to day one too. I've explained it in my own thread.  Horrible horrible day, more vile hate and abuse. Oh well she will give up eventually.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2021 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
Andi1956
Anondad
Cnvi
doghouse
drained1996
EyesUp
Harri
JD2028
lovenature
Mac5
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
old97
P.F.Change
Skip
snowglobe
Swimmy55
Teno
Turkish
wendydarling

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!