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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: He Just Facebook Messaged Me After 3 mos NC... What do I do?  (Read 1626 times)
deedee116
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« on: September 21, 2011, 08:35:12 PM »

Any advice would be much appreciated.  I left my emotionally abusive exBPDbf in July after he decided to go silent treatment on me and ignore me for 2 weeks.  Not realizing he had BPD, I figured he'd abandoned me so I did my best to purge him out of my life and move on.  I deleted him from Facebook, changed my number and everything.  Well about 20 min. ago I received the following message:

What's Up?  My Dad says 'hi'.  Are we still fighting or are you being all 'strong' and 'unwavering' and ignoring me?

THE AUDACITY! After a year of abuse, 2 weeks of silent treatment and 3 months of not seeing or hearing from me and that's the message he sends to me.

I'm torn... .I never go to tell him we were done, I just met his silence with silence (except mine was permanent).  I have NO feelings for him, so I'm not worried about him having an affect on me.  Should I use this as an opportunity for closure?  ?

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diotima
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« Reply #1 on: September 21, 2011, 08:37:13 PM »

Your closure is to ignore this. Any temptation you have to respond is a temptation to be reconnected.

Diotima
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beyondbelief
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« Reply #2 on: September 21, 2011, 08:41:56 PM »

Closure comes from within no one can give it to you.

My suggestion would be to ignore the text and block the number.  If you really really insist on responding then I would keep it very short "We are finished together".  Then block the number.  Any contact could lead to far more contact than you want.  So why risk it?
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truly amazed
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« Reply #3 on: September 21, 2011, 08:43:49 PM »

Hi Dee,

Block him on facebook ... .ignore the message.

He had not changed and from my own experience any contact and breach of NC will just lead back to the same BS being taken as normal.

Be strong ... .we all have faced this and most of us ... .been lured back into contact only to be dropped on our heads again.

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diotima
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« Reply #4 on: September 21, 2011, 08:46:18 PM »

Ditto: block him. Then you will remove temptation. You are prolonging this by keeping him unblocked.

Diotima
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2010
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« Reply #5 on: September 21, 2011, 08:49:11 PM »

Excerpt
Should I use this as an opportunity for closure?

Yes. Games over. You win.
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Annaleigh
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« Reply #6 on: September 21, 2011, 08:52:49 PM »

Nothing speaks louder than silence.   
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larissap
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WWW
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2011, 09:00:20 PM »

I am there with everyone else.  IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE. It is very very powerful and feels really good to ignore.  If you write back you can be sure that it wont' be the end of it and he will just keep the communication up.  You won't 'win', you won't get closure, you will be just drawn back in and get more and more upset at what he says.

IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE

My 2c worth

 
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deedee116
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« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2011, 09:31:02 PM »

THANK YOU, THANK YOU EVERY ONE!  I really needed the encouragement and support; you guys are a God-send.  He is blocked Smiling (click to insert in post) I felt so alone and anxiety-ridden and actually a little scared.  I'm still kinda shaking in disbelief.  And you guys are totally right... .any re-engagement is permission for him to abuse me again.  NEVER AGAIN!
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truly amazed
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« Reply #9 on: September 21, 2011, 09:43:20 PM »

Well done Dee dee.

Hardest thing of all is to ignore them and block them. WELL DONE.

I ignored advice here and from T and it led to pain each time. Almost set me back to square one !

No one has the right to abuse you and not treat you with the love and respect you deserve ... .EVER.

Good luck on your journey and bravo again 
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deedee116
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« Reply #10 on: September 21, 2011, 09:54:24 PM »

Thank you for your support Truely Amazed   
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truly amazed
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« Reply #11 on: September 21, 2011, 10:09:49 PM »

Pleasure Dee,

I sadly ignored advice and couldn't help myself ... .manipulated and conned and lied to breaking NC when I knew I should have not broken it. Each time for me ... .and I suspect every other person on this board it led to more pain ... breaking NC ... .. extreme pain when we already were near lows.


So you have done something I couldn't do at that stage ... .pat yourself on the back and dont ever question the decision  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

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MindfulJavaJoe
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Everything is as it is meant to be.


« Reply #12 on: September 22, 2011, 03:47:18 AM »

good decision  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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PinkieD
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« Reply #13 on: September 22, 2011, 09:59:14 AM »

Pleasure Dee,

I sadly ignored advice and couldn't help myself ... .manipulated and conned and lied to breaking NC when I knew I should have not broken it. Each time for me ... .and I suspect every other person on this board it led to more pain ... breaking NC ... .. extreme pain when we already were near lows.


So you have done something I couldn't do at that stage ... .pat yourself on the back and dont ever question the decision  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Same experience here.  Kept "missing him" when he'd contact I was too weak to ignore.  Same heartbreak every time.  Only maybe worse cause I KNEW BETTER so then I had hurt from him devaluing me added to shame with myself for not listening to my gut instincts.

Very proud of you!
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Why Why Why
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« Reply #14 on: September 22, 2011, 01:26:46 PM »

As others have already stated... .ignore!

After 3 months NC, he should have gotten the hint.  Ignore someone long enough and eventually they disappear... .hopefully.  Since you have no feelings for him, no need to waste any time or energy sending him any response. 
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