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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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ve01603
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« on: October 15, 2011, 08:21:43 PM »

Just an observation:

Our sports teams in this town are going crazy right now and he and is drug addict buddies are not into it or watching any of it.

I am totally into sports for a woman and in both of the serious relationships that I've had in my life, they are not into sports.  I won't make that mistake again.

Ideas from anyone else on this?
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« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2011, 08:41:07 PM »




I've dated two BPD's.

The first only fell in love with sports b/c I did.  She bought tickets to a Duke basketball game in Miami the first xmas i met her... .i had bought her a $25 gift certificate b/c I didn't know we were together.

Then she bought us tickets to a MLB baseball team's game at Wrigley Field.  I'm a fan of the Cubs.  I understand that YEARS later she is still a Cubs fan but only b/c I was even though she has went through at least 4 r/s's since.

My second BPD... .the most recent that I'm still reeling from since I had no clue she was BPD, was only into sports to the extent in interested HER and that is IT. ... .
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ve01603
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« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2011, 08:43:40 PM »



I've dated two BPD's.

The first only fell in love with sports b/c I did.  She bought tickets to a Duke basketball game in Miami the first xmas i met her... .i had bought her a $25 gift certificate b/c I didn't know we were together.

Then she bought us tickets to a MLB baseball team's game at Wrigley Field.  I'm a fan of the Cubs.  I understand that YEARS later she is still a Cubs fan but only b/c I was even though she has went through at least 4 r/s's since.

My second BPD... .the most recent that I'm still reeling from since I had no clue she was BPD, was only into sports to the extent in interested HER and that is IT. ... .

Well, if they are female and not that into sports that is one thing, but if they are a guy and not into sports, I don't want to offend anyone, but I think it's kind of weird.
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« Reply #3 on: October 15, 2011, 09:05:30 PM »

Well, if they are female and not that into sports that is one thing, but if they are a guy and not into sports, I don't want to offend anyone, but I think it's kind of weird.

Jus' saying, all my co-workers are NOT into the sports here in Michigan (Tigers, Lions, U of M/MSU, etc.) and they're all men.  As a matter of fact, I would dare say that since my co-workers are left-brain (math) wizards and I'm a right-brainer (administration) that I am the most sports oriented in the office amongst 5 men ages 23 to 50.

To me, not weird, just the 'nature of the beast' in some senses!  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)  And it's DIFFICULT coming into work on Monday to talk teams and there is NO ONE!  HULLLO?  Smiling (click to insert in post)

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rotgut
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« Reply #4 on: October 15, 2011, 09:08:16 PM »

I'm not offended, but I am a man and watching organized sports bores the hell out of me. In my house growing up if my father's football team lost he was a complete asshoel the rest of the day. Never have understood that. Where I live, people are obsessed with sports and although I have no trouble faking knowledge of the various local teams, personally it couldn't mean less to me. Before I was layed off, the conversations that I had to listen to at work about fantasy football, baseball, etc, etc. drove me nearly batty. I much prefer to attend a play, watch a movie, play guitar, or watch live music. These things I feel I learn and grow from and feel they somehow enrich my life.  In comparison watching organized sports leaves me flat.
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ViciousCycle
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« Reply #5 on: October 15, 2011, 10:47:09 PM »

Mine mirrored my love for my hockey team, the NY Islanders, and went to games with me and watched them with me when we were at my house. It was probably one of the more enjoyable aspects of our relationship :Laugh out loud (click to insert in post): until the few times she was in a bad mood for no reason at games and gave the silent treatment, then it just ruined the night!
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ve01603
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« Reply #6 on: October 15, 2011, 11:27:49 PM »

Love the Islanders.
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redberry
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« Reply #7 on: October 16, 2011, 01:36:38 AM »

Mine loved sports.  Anything competitive really.  Played, watched, betted on sports... .  I didn't really mind, at least it kept him busy. 
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« Reply #8 on: October 16, 2011, 01:45:14 AM »

Excerpt
Our sports teams in this town are going crazy right now and he and is drug addict buddies are not into it or watching any of it.

I am totally into sports for a woman and in both of the serious relationships that I've had in my life, they are not into sports.  I won't make that mistake again.

Ideas from anyone else on this?

Well my first thought is that there are drug addicts who don't watch sports and drug addicts who do!... .Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) -but what I think you are describing is a sense of belonging to a group and sharing the group effects. This is called "social identity theory."   It can apply to any group, but sports fans are interesting because they differ from spectators who just watch the game. Spectators can watch a sport and not become part of the group.

In social identity theory, there are good and bad outcomes of being a part of a larger group identity. The good outcome is socializing with one's group- the bad outcome is demeaning or depersonalizing anyone who does not belong to the group.

"Sports fans of any kind favor their teams fans over the other team’s fans. The fans of the opposing team are not seen as friends or equals, they are the enemy. During a game, fans of each team do not socialize with the opposing fans. The seating arrangement during games is usually segregated, with, for example, the Packers fans on one side of the stadium and Broncos fans on the other. This separation contributes to favoritism of the in-group over the out-group. By using pronouns such as "we" or "they" and "us" and "them," in-group, out-group bias can be emphasized."

(Miami University has an interesting webpage about social identity theory.)  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

www.units.muohio.edu/psybersite/fans/inoutbias.shtml


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« Reply #9 on: October 16, 2011, 01:53:29 AM »

Mine loved all kind of fighting sports.
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MaK
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« Reply #10 on: October 16, 2011, 08:03:02 PM »

I love sports, and that was one thing me and the stbx dBPDh had in common.

Football and esp. Baseball are my favorites, and I get enjoyment out of watching sports, and the stories that go along with it.

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« Reply #11 on: October 16, 2011, 10:14:24 PM »

Love the Islanders.

Awesome  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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rotgut
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« Reply #12 on: October 17, 2011, 12:51:38 AM »

2010, Thanks for posting the link. Professional sporting event spectators observed through the social identity theory lens is one fascinating topic. I noticed this dynamic at work and it is mind boggling to me. Two guys working amiably enough together in a corporate environment, but due to a difference in favorite team preference, they truly look at each other as if they are from a different species. "I know he saved my life, but he's a Yankee's fan so he still sux. Eff the Yankees.".  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Below is from the link you posted: In-group, Out-group Bias by Jamie Schlabach.

"When a person identifies themselves with a group, they perceive themselves and the group members as different from other groups. A Packers fan may work with a Broncos fan, where both of them hold the same position, both love pizza, and both live in the same community. But the Packers fan will view the Bronco fan as being significantly different from himself. If another coworker is also a Packers fan, but lived on the other side of town and hated pizza, he would still be viewed as more similar to the Packers fan then the Broncos fan. A partial explanation for such in-group favoritism is provided by the social identity theory."
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rotgut
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« Reply #13 on: October 17, 2011, 01:04:40 AM »

Seems to me that if you are a big sports fan who happens to be a non, and are in the midst of the beginning/mirroring/idealization phase of the typical bp relationship cycle, wouldn't social identity theory work against the non and in the pwbp's favor? By the pwpb mirroring the same enthusiasm and love for a particular team, the us against them mentality groundwork would already be laid.
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Why Why Why
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« Reply #14 on: October 17, 2011, 10:57:08 AM »

Well, if they are female and not that into sports that is one thing, but if they are a guy and not into sports, I don't want to offend anyone, but I think it's kind of weird.

Umm, there are plenty of guys not into sports.  That's kind of like saying if a girl is not into knitting that's weird.   Smiling (click to insert in post)

Not sure where you're from (small town?), but I'm from a major metropolitan city and there are tons of things to do/see/be into other than sports.  Don't get me wrong, I love sports but know plenty of guys who are not into them.
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« Reply #15 on: October 17, 2011, 10:58:25 AM »


Go Leafs Go!  This is our year baby!   Being cool (click to insert in post)
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ve01603
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« Reply #16 on: October 17, 2011, 03:57:05 PM »


Get out of town.  I can't believe you just said that.  My son and I actually follow them and travel to see them.  They are his obsession.  I just met Giggy, Lupul, and Phaneuf in March.  Giggy signed my purse.  My son had his picture taken with Kadri.  We just saw them in the preseason also, a couple of weeks ago. 

Last year we went to see them in Buffalo and accidentally stayed in the same hotel.

I have the best pictures of Colton Orr from a couple of weeks ago.  I swear he is such a ham that he had his helmet off in warm ups and when he knew I was taking pictures, he hung out, but that's O.K.  He can be in my camera lens anytime!

Yeah.  I think that they are going to the playoffs this year.
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rotgut
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« Reply #17 on: October 17, 2011, 04:08:37 PM »

I apologize for my post last evening. It was passive aggressive and judgmental, and for that I apologize. I have no right to judge what I clearly do not understand, and therefore apologize for the snarky post.

GO ISLANDERS  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)   (whomever they might be  )
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MaK
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« Reply #18 on: October 17, 2011, 04:43:12 PM »

STBX would go put on his favorite team jersey and hat and attribute their losing to him not wearing their colors.

To me, that is sick!  Taking sports to the extreme!  He had a hat, jersey, shirt for every team he loved.

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ve01603
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« Reply #19 on: October 17, 2011, 05:11:37 PM »

I apologize for my post last evening. It was passive aggressive and judgmental, and for that I apologize. I have no right to judge what I clearly do not understand, and therefore apologize for the snarky post.

GO ISLANDERS  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)   (whomever they might be  )

No apology necessary.  The Islanders are the New York Islanders, another hockey team from NYC besides the Rangers.

They had a first round draft pick for the '09 - '10 season of John Tavares from the London Knights OHL (another hockey team from London, Ontario).

How's that Why, why, why?
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ve01603
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« Reply #20 on: October 17, 2011, 05:14:36 PM »

STBX would go put on his favorite team jersey and hat and attribute their losing to him not wearing their colors.

To me, that is sick!  Taking sports to the extreme!  He had a hat, jersey, shirt for every team he loved.

So do we but it is harmless and I'll take a man that takes sports to an extreme any day over one that drinks to an extreme, does drugs to an extreme, and abuses me. 

Love your Marge Simpson by the way.
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« Reply #21 on: October 17, 2011, 05:29:54 PM »

Get out of town.  I can't believe you just said that.  My son and I actually follow them and travel to see them.  They are his obsession.  I just met Giggy, Lupul, and Phaneuf in March.  Giggy signed my purse.  My son had his picture taken with Kadri.  We just saw them in the preseason also, a couple of weeks ago.  

Last year we went to see them in Buffalo and accidentally stayed in the same hotel.

I have the best pictures of Colton Orr from a couple of weeks ago.  I swear he is such a ham that he had his helmet off in warm ups and when he knew I was taking pictures, he hung out, but that's O.K.  He can be in my camera lens anytime!

Yeah.  I think that they are going to the playoffs this year.

Holy crap someone get this woman a drink!  You're a total hockey nut!  Hahaha!

Smart son you got there.  What happened to you though, you like the Isles?  Come on, at least pick the Habs or Red Wings or Rangers, but the Isles?  What a shame, I was just starting to like you!    

Leafs will win the cup this year, mark my words.  After 44 years, this is finally our year bwahahahahahaha!      Being cool (click to insert in post)

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« Reply #22 on: October 17, 2011, 05:41:41 PM »

No apology necessary.  The Islanders are the New York Islanders, another hockey team from NYC besides the Rangers.

They had a first round draft pick for the '09 - '10 season of John Tavares from the London Knights OHL (another hockey team from London, Ontario).

How's that Why, why, why?

Sweet geeezus!  This woman is on fire!  Should I be calling you Don Cherry?

Ok, what you need to know about the Islanders and Rangers are... .exactly nothing.  They both stink and are non-exciting teams to watch.  Watching paint dry is more exciting than those teams.  The only team you need to know is the Toronto Maple Leafs, who happen to play tonight.

Now Ve01603, I saw your thread asking where to meet men.  You're in the wrong city.  If you were in Toronto, you could be at Gretzky's bar down on Blue Jays Way tonight, and with your knowledge of hockey can easily acquaint yourself with many men, while watching red hot Kessel add to his goal binge.  Afterwards, you'll be saying, "Tavares who?"  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Players only love you when they're playing...


« Reply #23 on: October 17, 2011, 05:44:07 PM »

Excerpt
In social identity theory, there are good and bad outcomes of being a part of a larger group identity. The good outcome is socializing with one's group- the bad outcome is demeaning or depersonalizing anyone who does not belong to the group.

my ex was involved in a pac 10 college team sport and knows a lot about most team sports, he's very knowledgable.

i was exposed to most team sports growing up and have passible knowledge but am no expert and dont' want to be an expert.  I am atheletic and have always been invovled in athletic endeavors so I appreciate sports... .and I enjoy a good football or baseball or soccer game and 'get' what is going on, though I don't know every little rule or minute complexity... .not at all.

My ex downplayed sports, especially team sports on tv, the first 3 years we were together.  He was very negative about it all, it's all corporate driven b.s., etc.  We watched some big events at times, but it was not a big deal, we took it at face value for the entertainment value it provided and we both appreciate athletic ability.

then he started hanging tight with his younger male employee who is more into watching professional sports on tv.  I would sometimes join them at our local watering hole.  all of a sudden there was a lot of posturing on my ex's part about how much HE KNEW as opposed to how little I knew about the nuances or complexities of these games.  he would start lecturing me, he quizzed me, if I couldn't answer a sport question he'd give a knowing wink and nod of disdain to his younger buddy.  I enjoyed watching the occasional team sport with him on and off for a long time until he started to make it all about highlighting my lesser knowledge and acting arrogant and smug about it.  it just seemed so... .stupid and juvenile.  he was not like that until he started hanging out with this particular freind... .to me, it just highlighted how chameleon like he still was... .we are in our 40s, his young buddy was like 25... .and he let this joker totally influence how he behaved and postured.  
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ve01603
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« Reply #24 on: October 17, 2011, 05:51:05 PM »

Get out of town.  I can't believe you just said that.  My son and I actually follow them and travel to see them.  They are his obsession.  I just met Giggy, Lupul, and Phaneuf in March.  Giggy signed my purse.  My son had his picture taken with Kadri.  We just saw them in the preseason also, a couple of weeks ago.  

Last year we went to see them in Buffalo and accidentally stayed in the same hotel.

I have the best pictures of Colton Orr from a couple of weeks ago.  I swear he is such a ham that he had his helmet off in warm ups and when he knew I was taking pictures, he hung out, but that's O.K.  He can be in my camera lens anytime!

Yeah.  I think that they are going to the playoffs this year.

Holy crap someone get this woman a drink!  You're a total hockey nut!  Hahaha!

Smart son you got there.  What happened to you though, you like the Isles?  Come on, at least pick the Habs or Red Wings or Rangers, but the Isles?  What a shame, I was just starting to like you!    

Leafs will win the cup this year, mark my words.  After 44 years, this is finally our year bwahahahahahaha!      Being cool (click to insert in post)

No, I'm a total Red Wings fan.  I just think that the Islanders are cool.
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ve01603
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« Reply #25 on: October 17, 2011, 06:04:13 PM »

No apology necessary.  The Islanders are the New York Islanders, another hockey team from NYC besides the Rangers.

They had a first round draft pick for the '09 - '10 season of John Tavares from the London Knights OHL (another hockey team from London, Ontario).

How's that Why, why, why?

Sweet geeezus!  This woman is on fire!  Should I be calling you Don Cherry?

Ok, what you need to know about the Islanders and Rangers are... .exactly nothing.  They both stink and are non-exciting teams to watch.  Watching paint dry is more exciting than those teams.  The only team you need to know is the Toronto Maple Leafs, who happen to play tonight.

Now Ve01603, I saw your thread asking where to meet men.  You're in the wrong city.  If you were in Toronto, you could be at Gretzky's bar down on Blue Jays Way tonight, and with your knowledge of hockey can easily acquaint yourself with many men, while watching red hot Kessel add to his goal binge.  Afterwards, you'll be saying, "Tavares who?"  Smiling (click to insert in post)

I love Phil.  Did you see when he was picked last for something at the All Star game?  I was just in Oshawa for training camp on Rose Cherry Boulevard.  Was also at the restaurant at Air Canada Centre.
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« Reply #26 on: October 17, 2011, 06:09:12 PM »

Are you a hockey groupie?  Hahaha!  Who is your favourite team?

That All-Star selection process was the biggest shame to hockey.  What an outrage!  They completely humiliated Phil, which should not have happened because he was an All-Star!  This city was fuming over that.  At least they gave him a free car for his embarassment... .if that's any consolation.  That's why this year he's going to tear it up!
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« Reply #27 on: October 17, 2011, 06:16:12 PM »

Are you a hockey groupie?  Hahaha!  Who is your favourite team?

That All-Star selection process was the biggest shame to hockey.  What an outrage!  They completely humiliated Phil, which should not have happened because he was an All-Star!  This city was fuming over that.  At least they gave him a free car for his embarassment... .if that's any consolation.  That's why this year he's going to tear it up!

I know.  We felt so bad for him but he got the car and $5,000 from the NHL and $5,000 from NHLPA for charity.

I have the Toronto game on now but my Winnipeg Jets are playing too so I have to check that out. I am so glad that they got their team back. My son played for nine years.  That's why we are fanatics. 

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« Reply #28 on: October 19, 2011, 01:05:32 PM »

Oh the irony... .Winnipeg vs Toronto ... .tonight.

I predict a smashing 5-1 win for the Leafs.
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« Reply #29 on: October 19, 2011, 02:56:38 PM »

Oh the irony... .Winnipeg vs Toronto ... .tonight.

I predict a smashing 5-1 win for the Leafs.

Exciting. Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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