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Author Topic: Anti-Social Behaviour as well as BPD?  (Read 2575 times)
bostonmom

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« on: February 28, 2012, 11:21:33 AM »

my x-BPD, asked me shortly before relationship ended, if I thought he was "anti-social" because he said his therapist told him he was.  In my ignorance as to having never researched the term-label "anti-social behaviour", (I was too focused, on reading up on BPD!)  I very wrongly believed, he had been told, ... .he was a non social person, which he wasn't.  (... .looking back it seemed logical, to "assume" it meant "non social" ... .something his therapist told him, obviously made him want to have someone disagree with her, to paint her "black" ... .which is why I'm sure he asked me this)

I told him I didn't think at all he was anti-social, I assured he him was social.

not long after he asked me that question, he kicked me to the street, making me homeless.

I've since, become quite versed in what Anti-Social Behaviour is, and can't even imagine what he had been confiding in his therapist about, that she gave him that label.  Had I researched the term the moment he asked me, if I thought he was anti-social, I would have been confused, as to what she was basing it in on... .because I wouldn't have at that time clearly seen the symptoms, about Anti-Social Behaviour.         That's not the case now ... .

Anyone else have a similar story?

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darkstar
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« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2012, 11:31:53 AM »

Yes I can relate here. My ex indeed shared traits of Anti Social Behavior. Her whole family did. She just never learned it. She was pretty much hiding it, but failed very often. I thought it was cute... .and just because we have different cultures. I grow up in Europe she in Canada.

But after meeting so many other people in Canada, I can say it was not the cultural difference.

I was visiting my ex and after 2 days she asked me to leave. She knew I was low on money, and was not able to effort a hotel room for the rest of the days. She wanted to be alone cause she had the Idea out of the blue, she need time just alone. I knew already at this time she was seeing my replacement, but never told me about Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

maybe not a good example, but there were many more.
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jessicapuppy
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« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2012, 12:32:23 PM »

Hi there bostonmom

I'm very sorry for all that you've gone through  

It may be useful reading-up on Cluster B personality Disorders, as you may find that your partner may have had other disorders in this group.  Cluster B contains BPD and Anti-Social Personality Disorder, as well as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and Histrionic Personality Disorder, and it is common for people to have more than one of these conditions.

Here is a link to have a look at:

www.BPD.about.com/od/relatedconditions/a/clusterB.htm

Best wishes & keep posting,

JP

x
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bostonmom

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« Reply #3 on: February 29, 2012, 10:00:20 PM »

thank you Jessica, for telling me the term & providing the link.  I had not heard the term "Cluster B" before ... .

I greatly appreciate this,

cheers

Boston Mom Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Gus926
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« Reply #4 on: February 29, 2012, 10:27:22 PM »

She wanted to be alone cause she had the Idea out of the blue, she need time just alone. I knew already at this time she was seeing my replacement, but never told me about

Every day that I come here and read these threads, I find another commonality with my ex.

Several days prior to our breakup, we were planning on spending the upcoming weekend together.  She sent me a text saying "I don't know what it is, but all of a sudden I just feel like I need to spend some time alone".

I, of course, discovered her cheating soon thereafter.

It really is uncanny how all of our stories are so similar.
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« Reply #5 on: February 29, 2012, 11:08:26 PM »

Borderlines are not anti-social. Unlike sociopaths, Borderlines have a tremendous desire to be accepted by others. They even go so far as to offer themselves up to others in exchange for their idea of safety and becoming "whole."  Since the disorder is a developmental arrest, it is thought-based, and the attachment insecurities float to the surface where they swing wildly back and forth between clinging and hating, good and bad and they use others to feel better about themselves.  Borderlines cannot self soothe.

The anti-social personality (Aspd) sociopath on the other hand, purposefully uses others as disposable commodities because he refuses to follow a moral guide, and he does not care what you think about that. Borderlines do care, very much.

The sociopath may use every opportunity to screw up in order to elicit pity from others- he knows this attracts rescuers and he uses them. He also knows he is doing wrong (he is not childlike but rather cunning) and understands consequences- which has him jumping ahead with a story for *why he deserves your pity* and is unaccountable for consequences when he gets caught.

The Borderline isn't as self-assured.  Borderlines do not charm- they MIRROR. Because of this, they are often confused when mirroring is questioned during the attachment. If the partner demands that the real self emerge, the Borderline can become emotionally distraught. Since Borderlines have deficient egos, they have a tendency to feel persecuted for their failure to “be.” They have been scapegoated for most of their lives in this manner and they know only how to scapegoat back in retaliation. Borderlines are emotionally immature.

As the Borderline frantically back pedals and projects persecution to get out of the failed mirroring, the partner gets pulled into an understanding driven role.  It is at that time that Borderlines show you how they were treated as children, with avoidant, passive aggressive behavior that includes silent treatment and sulking- as though they were professional victims. They do not understand conflict resolution because Borderline personality disorder is a disorder that is fusional and symbiotic. If the attachment is bad, the Borderline feels bad. (Sociopaths could care less.)

If Borderlines mirror the right people, such as Narcissists, the counter-transference can be life affirming to both parties in the beginning, but to the Borderline it triggers a bondage persecution because one self is grand and the other is deficient.  The persecution complex behavior is not done in order to fool people with bad behavior like a Sociopath- it's done to prove themselves correct about their ideas of reference concerning their earliest failures to “be.” This failure to "be" erupts into emotional dysregulation that illustrates their insecurities due to what they perceive to be a failed attachment. These are the distorted perceptions of the borderline.

The partner of the Borderline often misunderstands the emotional dysregulation (which makes it worse) and casts the Borderline into an anti-social, morally corrupt role- as this is the easiest and simplest solution to split an emotionally dysregulated human being (who has gone from mirroring good to projecting evil) to protect their own ego.

In the mind of the partner, and to protect their ego, the Borderline is evil- and has done horrible things on purpose- because deep down, they are bad people- flawed and morally corrupt. When we judge Borderline behavior based on our own concept of good- we eliminate the good- and this defense mechanism allows us to remain safe and make the decision of guilt on another party. This is a primitive defense mechanism known as "splitting."

In order to have more realistic interpretations in the conclusion of the relationship- you will be presented (in hindsight) with what was mirrored- and then realize that this part of you was important enough to be recognized by a person who survived their childhood by finding their parent's Achilles heel and using the knowledge of it to manipulate. This gave them what they needed for survival. They did this to you in order to attach to you and survive.

Consequently, your understanding should be that they grew up to be masters of mirroring, *keenly* That means that they needed to feel the fusional quality that this type of attachment requires to feel whole. It however, is not realistically possible to live in this way.

You will also never be someone that can be trusted in the aftermath of the break-up- because your withdrawal has proven exactly what they fear. It is a defectiveness schema of their part time selves that swing wildly back and forth on a pendulum between good and bad, reward and withdraw. You have just proven to them what they secretly fear all along, that they are bad.

Apart from you- they now must seek out a new rewarding self that is found in a new persona to re-create the insecure attachment bond all over again. Since this disorder is repetitious, it is a re-living of their distorted perceptions concerning their past inability to form their own self apart and whole from their parent. In short, it is the failure to grow up and mature as a self sufficient human being without blaming others.

Borderline is different from Aspd. It is a repetition compulsion to acknowledge the deprived, defective part-time self and make it whole with the addition of a new rewarding object.

If you are dealing with a Sociopath, there are several forums that can give great advice.  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

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Gus926
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« Reply #6 on: February 29, 2012, 11:25:17 PM »

^^^^  Very good description.
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Beach_Babe
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« Reply #7 on: March 01, 2012, 04:38:35 PM »

Many  cluster  Bs  are  comorbid... .and  that  includes Aspd.  Mine  meets  all  criteron  for  both,  and  is too  low  functioning  to  be  NPD. 
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