Do women with BPD like when you chase them beg for them?

[jasonmedly]

For example my exBPDgf left me just completely left, did not talk to me in person but rather online and did not really make sense why. I off course wanted to know what happened since we have been together for 7 years, but I never got a sure answer everything was done via instant message. I kept trying to get her to speak to me in person, but she kept saying she does not feel safe, she afraid of getting hurt because I wont let her speak. I told her I promise I will listen, but she said she did not believe me.

For a whole month I've been trying to get her to speak to me in person, instead I get a call from her mother telling me to leave her alone and stop trying to manipulate her and making her feel bad. So I stopped its only been two days that I have not contacted her at all. I start to wonder if shes doing this because she knows I wont leave her, because she knows I am in pain and she can call me at any time.

Do women with BPD like when you chase them beg for them?

[nobody]

In the case of my BPDW, she likes  for me to chase her. But this is MY wife, not your gf. If you have recieved a call  from her mother, I would suggest you lay off a bit.  Women still like a man to be manly, and honestly, not wishing to  cause you hurt,  you  sound a bit desperate. It doesnt come across well. Relax. I know it is tough. You WILL get through it.

I am a noob here, so take my comments with a grain of salt.  PRACTICE using  S.E.T. since she said  you wont let her talk. We sometimes lose sight of the fact that while BPD's are mentally ill, they still  want to be listened to and respected

Good Luck!

n

[rickstone]

I will double what nobody says.  (nobody;  i like that, wish i had thought of it first).

although i'm a totally clueless guy when it comes to women, i think that women in general like you to chase them, but not to beg.

there's a big difference.

but BPD women?  who knows.  all bets are off.  of course they still have a lot of 'woman' in them i'm sure, but their

ilness gets in the way and who knows what they want.

mine liked the push/pull big time.  when i got close, she would push.  if i went away, she would pull.

push-pull, push-pull, push-pull, push-pull... .push-pull.

it really is true.  its so predictible its hilarious.

so i would say chill out and if shes really BPD she will pull you back in (if that what you REALLY want?)

[OnceConfused]

don't sound too desperate my friend.

Remember this saying:

"If you love something let it go, if it never comes back it was never yours."

Perhaps she was never yours

[oscarkool]

I want to add to this simply because I feel this is an important topic.

I believe that you shouldn't ever chase. If she decides to leave when you didn't do anything wrong, then just let her go. This is her problem and if she wants you back, she'll come back.

BUT here's the kicker: don't take her back right away. You need to draw a line in the sand and let her know that what she did is not acceptable and if she tries that again, you'll never take her back.

Of course, you can take her back again but just make her work double hard and don't always be taking her back every time. So if she calls you to come over after leaving you for a week or two, simply say 'I'm busy tonight. Maybe another day... .' and leave it at that, she might freak out but just don't respond and talk to her another day.

If she leaves, do NOT text her at all just let her go. Don't talk to her until she engages you.

[andywho]

Had this problem problem the last couple of weeks now and on friday my GF decided to leave me since she did not get something from me that she demanded.

She then told me she had to leave me. Told her that i respected her decision to leave and that i would not give after for threats. She got really confused by this and tried everything she could this weekend to make me cave in and beg her not to leave. I did not give into this and never begged her not to leave.

I know she wanted me to beg or do anything to make her not leave. She could not understand that i was willing to let her go.

Yesterday she decided to stay as she did not want to live without me.

I know she has an extreme need of confirmations on my love for her, she need to know im into her, she have a need of me needing her. When she dont get this she gets very insecure it seems and starts the push to see if she get any reaction from me.

What we do know is that BPD's have abandonment fear... .and i now know that she has it.

Like onceconfused said:

don't sound too desperate my friend.

Remember this saying:

"If you love something let it go, if it never comes back it was never yours."

Perhaps she was never yours

Andy

[mcc503764]

For example my exBPDgf left me just completely left, did not talk to me in person but rather online and did not really make sense why. I off course wanted to know what happened since we have been together for 7 years, but I never got a sure answer everything was done via instant message. I kept trying to get her to speak to me in person, but she kept saying she does not feel safe, she afraid of getting hurt because I wont let her speak. I told her I promise I will listen, but she said she did not believe me.

For a whole month I've been trying to get her to speak to me in person, instead I get a call from her mother telling me to leave her alone and stop trying to manipulate her and making her feel bad. So I stopped its only been two days that I have not contacted her at all. I start to wonder if shes doing this because she knows I wont leave her, because she knows I am in pain and she can call me at any time.

Do women with BPD like when you chase them beg for them?

they want the chase.  Remember a major element to these r/s_

[losingconfidence]

Only on days where there's a full moon, you're wearing sneakers, your hair is a certain way, and she ate the right thing for breakfast. What a pwBPD wants seems to be whatever you're not doing in my experience. So if you're chasing her, she hates it. If you're not, she wants it.

[RL_Wizard]

I know this thread is old, but Ill add my 2c anyhow:

Do they WANT you to chase them/Beg for them?
Generally, yes.
Will these actions be attractive to them and make them desire you as a romantic partner?
Most of the time I would say No.

BPDs often don't consciously abuse people and take advantage of them to meet their needs. But they do it as much as most active abusers. And many are far more skilled at doing so while keeping it subtle.
Chasing them and begging for their affection and love will power their self-value and provide a supply source for the more Narcissistic BPDs. Everyone can feed off of others attention if they need that. BPDs will likely feel good about the attention and keep your affection at a distance.
If you want to appear more attractive to this person, then just focus on your own life and enjoy each enjoyable moment you have.
Be kind and compassionate the people around and don't mimic her vampiric attention and power leeching. Her tactics lead to short-term temporary sense of inflated self-worth and peace. Treating others well and being kind will raise it permanently.

Also, if you don't have too much experience with women in general, I would steer clear of your BPD romantic interest.
You would do best to date more grounded and normal women who will likely have a modicum of respect for your feelings and may even be in the same place as you looking to grow and develop maturely. It is much easier to have growing pains with healthy partners than making mistakes with one who is liable to bite your head off for such things.

[enlighten me]

If you've been devalued then chasing them will only make them annoyed at you. After all would you want someone you didn't like chasing after you?

[Pretty Woman]

When you are split black any attempts to contact them make them think even less of you. They perceive you as weak and will tot with you. You have a better chance of her reaching out if you stop contacting her.

Are you looking to detach or are you still wanting to save this?

Regardless if you keep co tasting her you are a candidate for a restraining order. Read some of the posts on here. When a person with BPD feels threatened, real or perceived sometimes they will lash out and can be irrational and dangerous. You could lose your job, end up in jail or worse.

It's not worth it.

I was split black several times and every time I left her alone she came back... .until she secured a replacement. 

Listen to your mom. Even in a "" normal relationship if someone asks you to leave them alone you should respect that.

I know what you are going through and I understand your pain. It hurts, it sucks but you need to focus on you and your part in the toxic tango and let her be.

Keep posting. We are here to help.

[Pretty Woman]

And to comment off Oskars post... .

In my case my ex came back several times. All that did was prove to her I had 0 backbone. Things never got better and I was considered pretty much garbage (to her) when she finally did leave.

If something isn't working you should move on. Taking someone back more than two times isn't healthy. It's signs there is serious dysfunction in your union. Some things are not always meant to be fixed.  

[Xeonrebel]

I believe they sometimes like to be chased in a twisted sort of way. For example, my ex gf is giving me the silent treatment, its been a month and a half. The thing is that she keeps her Twitter account visible (she used to have it restricted) And she keeps the tweets between the two of us. She didnt block me from a secundary Facebook account i have, instead she only blocked me from the Messenger part. As far as i know, her family thinks that she wants me to keep looking her doings (even if it shows shes dating somebody). So, who knows! Only they know what they are doing and why.

[enlighten me]

I believe they sometimes like to be chased in a twisted sort of way. For example, my ex gf is giving me the silent treatment, its been a month and a half. The thing is that she keeps her Twitter account visible (she used to have it restricted) And she keeps the tweets between the two of us. She didnt block me from a secundary Facebook account i have, instead she only blocked me from the Messenger part. As far as i know, her family thinks that she wants me to keep looking her doings (even if it shows shes dating somebody). So, who knows! Only they know what they are doing and why.

They might not want to be with you but it doesn't mean they don't want you to want them. After all if you don't want them then they feel worthless.

[montenell]

My wife loves attention and has said before she wants me to chase her. Problem is she is the one who came after me so chasing isn't in our dynamic. In your case honestly I would gladly let her go. Save yourself the headache and heartbreak. Let her go and enjoy a drama free life