GF of 4 years lied, cheated, left & wanted me back

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi,

Me and my ex gf split a year ago after 4 years. I think she has BPD and have come here looking for help, advice and clarification. After she left me last christmas for someone else she begged me back weeks later for months and it was very hard for me not to go back and even to this day I still think of here all the time and debate going back. Here is a summary:

1. Got together in my country England

2. Spent 2 years together in England whilst I finished University and agreed to move to her hometown in France after. A rocky 2 years where she was abusive both physically and verbally, managing to fall out with most of my friends and family members.

3. I left my hometown to be with her in her country (despite numerous warnings on this site and from friends and relatives). She refused to stay in my country and wanted to be with her friends/family/environment and I was willing to try it.

4. Spent 2 years in her hometown in France living with her parents. I got along with them just fine and all her friends and family like me. Our relationship was ok, although I was homesick at times but still managed to start my own business and settle in somewhat. Basically she was doing her life and what she wanted and I was just there (thats what it felt like at times).

5. She told me 4 months ago she needed time and space! I thought that it was a great idea and that I would come home to England and think about where my life was going there and go back with a new perspective on us, the same as I thought she would take a fresh look at us, all positive.

6. HOW WRONG AND GULLIBLE WAS I LOL! She needed the time and space because she had met someone else (who worked in a DIY store) and from the day I left contacted this person everyday and slept with him and saw him for almost 2 months before telling me, the whole time keeping me hanging on in England thinking we were getting back together.

7. During the "time and space" I sent 12 roses to her work place, visited her in France as a surprise only to be sent home the next day saying she needs more time and space, sent her hundreds of pounds worth of xmas presents only for her to say she wants nothing from me and make me cry on xmas day.

8. After months of torture (no sleep, thinking, her stringing me on like it would be ok) and lies (saying she was at a girl friends, no replies to my txts/emails) she finished with me, saying some harsh things. 3 days later she gives me 100s of missed calls and txts saying it was a mistake.

9. After a while I get back to her and agree to meet her to talk about things. She finally spills the beans and out of instinct I say I forgive her (dont think I do) and we come to an agreement to get back together but I come home and take my time. One day she says take your time, the next she says dont bother to come back. She even saw the guy again which I had to lie to get the truth from her about. She said it was to finish with him - yeah right, on a friday night!

10. So, this is where we are at, do I go back after what she has done to me or not? I have started to settle back in at home and all my family and friends think it is crazy to even think about going back... .  

So, she is a liar for months, a cheater and has a history of doing bad things such as kicking me out in a country that I have nobody really to turn to with my luggage at 2am, physically attacking me, insulting my friends and family, doing what she wants regardless what I say or think, spoke in a sexual nature to another guy on messenger and said it was because she used to like him and just a game, loses her temper over nothing, etc, etc... .  BUT, I love her and could easily go back to her tomorrow... WHY?

GUYS reading this, trust me this is what happens when you are nice to someone and they take advantage of you, hence why good guys finish last. Could you forgive this betrayal?

The latest contact was this xmas when she wished me a merry xmas because she was thinking of me on the "important time of the year" - yes, so important that the xmas before she met someone else, lied to me about it and dumped me near enough on xmas day. I wished her a merry xmas back and that has started thought up again of wanting her back.

Thanks!

P.S. In 4 years I didnt even kiss another a girl.

[50shades]

Hi,

Me and my ex gf split a year ago after 4 years. I think she has BPD and have come here looking for help, advice and clarification. After she left me last christmas for someone else she begged me back weeks later for months and it was very hard for me not to go back and even to this day I still think of here all the time and debate going back. Here is a summary:

1. Got together in my country England

2. Spent 2 years together in England whilst I finished University and agreed to move to her hometown in France after. A rocky 2 years where she was abusive both physically and verbally, managing to fall out with most of my friends and family members.

3. I left my hometown to be with her in her country (despite numerous warnings on this site and from friends and relatives). She refused to stay in my country and wanted to be with her friends/family/environment and I was willing to try it.

4. Spent 2 years in her hometown in France living with her parents. I got along with them just fine and all her friends and family like me. Our relationship was ok, although I was homesick at times but still managed to start my own business and settle in somewhat. Basically she was doing her life and what she wanted and I was just there (thats what it felt like at times).

5. She told me 4 months ago she needed time and space! I thought that it was a great idea and that I would come home to England and think about where my life was going there and go back with a new perspective on us, the same as I thought she would take a fresh look at us, all positive.

6. HOW WRONG AND GULLIBLE WAS I LOL! She needed the time and space because she had met someone else (who worked in a DIY store) and from the day I left contacted this person everyday and slept with him and saw him for almost 2 months before telling me, the whole time keeping me hanging on in England thinking we were getting back together.

7. During the "time and space" I sent 12 roses to her work place, visited her in France as a surprise only to be sent home the next day saying she needs more time and space, sent her hundreds of pounds worth of xmas presents only for her to say she wants nothing from me and make me cry on xmas day.

8. After months of torture (no sleep, thinking, her stringing me on like it would be ok) and lies (saying she was at a girl friends, no replies to my txts/emails) she finished with me, saying some harsh things. 3 days later she gives me 100s of missed calls and txts saying it was a mistake.

9. After a while I get back to her and agree to meet her to talk about things. She finally spills the beans and out of instinct I say I forgive her (dont think I do) and we come to an agreement to get back together but I come home and take my time. One day she says take your time, the next she says dont bother to come back. She even saw the guy again which I had to lie to get the truth from her about. She said it was to finish with him - yeah right, on a friday night!

10. So, this is where we are at, do I go back after what she has done to me or not? I have started to settle back in at home and all my family and friends think it is crazy to even think about going back... .  

So, she is a liar for months, a cheater and has a history of doing bad things such as kicking me out in a country that I have nobody really to turn to with my luggage at 2am, physically attacking me, insulting my friends and family, doing what she wants regardless what I say or think, spoke in a sexual nature to another guy on messenger and said it was because she used to like him and just a game, loses her temper over nothing, etc, etc... .  BUT, I love her and could easily go back to her tomorrow... WHY?

GUYS reading this, trust me this is what happens when you are nice to someone and they take advantage of you, hence why good guys finish last. Could you forgive this betrayal?

The latest contact was this xmas when she wished me a merry xmas because she was thinking of me on the "important time of the year" - yes, so important that the xmas before she met someone else, lied to me about it and dumped me near enough on xmas day. I wished her a merry xmas back and that has started thought up again of wanting her back.

Thanks!

P.S. In 4 years I didnt even kiss another a girl.

[Justadude]

My ex was a major pia. She was waiting to have sex for marriage but behind my back she was sleeping and being dirty with some other guy long distance. She out of guilt set me up,to break up, at the time I didn't know. She said she wanted to casually date I told her to piss off. A month later she missed me was in love and all that stuff. What a relief. A couple months later I found out the facts about her being with that guy and lying. She threatened suicide and begged me to stay. I did, but I never really got over her cheating, lying, and betrayal, and it ended up being a very long term heartache. My advice is self care. You have to take care of you. No matter how manly, gentleman, chivalrous it is to self sacrifice yourself to prove you love her, there is a limit, you just have to be aware of that limit which has been far surpassed from the sounds of it.

[tuum est61]

50Shades,

You arent really in a position right now to know whether you should or shouldnt go back. You are hurt and angry and very unhappy with her - but more importantly you arent happy with yourself.

You can choose right now to start treating yourself better - 4 years without a "even a kiss" had to have been very hard on you.

What do you do for you?